I took a step today

[Depression = 72% of members]

Maybe it’s not big but to me it’s huge. I’m a very, very private person. It takes me a lot to let someone into my world and it takes a lot from them to stay in my inner world. I have very few close friends…maybe two ladies that I truly trust and value their thoughts. One is my sister and the other is my best friend from high school. I’m telling you this to illustrate the hugeness of this step I’ve taken.

Today I went and talked to the HR Director at my workplace. Our ‘friendship’ started before she became the HR director…and I say ‘friendship’ with quotes to let you know it’s not as strong or deep as the friendships I have with my sis and my bff. I’ve known her for about 8 yrs now. I respect her as a person, as a woman, and as a colleague. She’s always been open and honest with me and she’s shared a lot of her story with me.

I told her some of this mess, not the whole thing but enough for her to understand. I hope. I weighted this idea for about a month before speaking with her. I believe, and I told her, that I think my H is going to make my life hard. I think that he might come here to my work and bother me. I opened up enough to tell her some of the issues... . and I imagine she’s filling in the blanks. She talked to me for a while, gave me some encouragement, shared more of her story, gave me her number, told me that my work site will not let him bother me here…she mentioned a restraining order to which I kinda scoffed…and was just all around supportive.

I’m coming to the conclusion that there is no way around the pain, heartache, drama, trauma, confusion….there is no way around any of it at all…the only way is thru it. Right directly thru the center of the whole dang mess…

[Danie14]

Maybe it’s not big but to me it’s huge. I’m a very, very private person. It takes me a lot to let someone into my world and it takes a lot from them to stay in my inner world. I have very few close friends…maybe two ladies that I truly trust and value their thoughts. One is my sister and the other is my best friend from high school. I’m telling you this to illustrate the hugeness of this step I’ve taken.

Today I went and talked to the HR Director at my workplace. Our ‘friendship’ started before she became the HR director…and I say ‘friendship’ with quotes to let you know it’s not as strong or deep as the friendships I have with my sis and my bff. I’ve known her for about 8 yrs now. I respect her as a person, as a woman, and as a colleague. She’s always been open and honest with me and she’s shared a lot of her story with me.

I told her some of this mess, not the whole thing but enough for her to understand. I hope. I weighted this idea for about a month before speaking with her. I believe, and I told her, that I think my H is going to make my life hard. I think that he might come here to my work and bother me. I opened up enough to tell her some of the issues... . and I imagine she’s filling in the blanks. She talked to me for a while, gave me some encouragement, shared more of her story, gave me her number, told me that my work site will not let him bother me here…she mentioned a restraining order to which I kinda scoffed…and was just all around supportive.

I’m coming to the conclusion that there is no way around the pain, heartache, drama, trauma, confusion….there is no way around any of it at all…the only way is thru it. Right directly thru the center of the whole dang mess…

[heartandwhole]

Good for you, Danie14.  It is so important to surround yourself with supportive people at times like this.  I applaud you for taking that step, I know it wasn't an easy decision. 

Small steps add up to big changes.  Keep going, Danie, keep taking steps on your own behalf. 

How do you feel?

[Danie14]

I feel like it's real now.

I'm sure that sounds weird but its the feeling that's bubbling up inside of me now. I knew it was all real before but somehow this makes it more solid?

I feel better protected here at work. That's good. Years ago my H told me he could 'make me quit' my job... . no, he's never going to make me quit my job as that pays the bills and keeps money in my pocket. But that has sorta haunted me for a long time. I believe he could make things so hard on me in my life that I get myself fired... . maybe... . and that's one of the things I spoke to her about.