is this normal ?

[antjs]

I have been in NC for more than 2 months. My mornings are better, I am reclaiming my life back. I would say i moved on like 95 %. Downs are really minimal and does not last for even hours like before. My last trigger was 4 days ago, visiting a friend's place which is 2 streets away from her place. I felt down mildly for an hour or two then i was fine.


Today, i woke up feeling this depression struck as soon as you open your eyes (I used to feel so during the first couple of weeks after the break up), tight chest, upset stomach and very bad mood and temper. I really do not know why. I have been feeling good for weeks now. even when i got a down it was very brief and mild. Why is it happening now ? i can not think of any triggers that happened soon.

I know the healing process is not linear but, i thought i am way past beyond these severe symptoms of chest tightness and feelings as if you are going to die out of sadness. why ?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey antony, All feelings are valid, so just acknowledge and experience them as they come up.  In my view, there is no timetable for recovery so give yourself some leeway here.  LJ

[Tausk]

Hey AJ:  Sorry for your pain and confusion.  But it sounds like you're doing well.  :)epression is one of the stages of grief.  

Think about when someone loses a family member.  At first it's all about the shock and taking care of the what needs to be done.  Then when things are finally calmer, depression sets in.

This is called abandonment depression.  It was/is very pain for me.  It was basically hitting me at my core of being a "lonely child."  And what I did, a couple of times to try and ease the pain, was try to reconnect with my ex.  But that set me back.  In fact, I lost Years.  No lie.  Looking for answers from my ex, is honestly like a junkie trying to get better by shooting up again.

In order to get better, I had to stay NC.  I had to lean into the pain here.  For me, it was hardest 2-4 months after the breakup.   Then the real feelings started to kick in, and I was almost ready to do anything to get the pain to stop.  And the only action that does help to ease the pain is to look inside as to why it hurts, including the fact that I've been utterly abandoned by the person to whom I gave and lost myself.

But by going through depression in a healthy manner, I've been able to find moments of acceptance and growth.  

This is the painful part for you.   Keep posting and keep sharing.  And stay NC.

In support,

T

[arjay]

I know the healing process is not linear but, i thought i am way past beyond these severe symptoms of chest tightness and feelings as if you are going to die out of sadness. why ?

I became clinically depressed(first time in my life too) after about 6 weeks of NC .  I guess I was too wound up in the drama to even realize it too.  I started having all these crazy feelings and finally went to see the doctor.  He put me on anti-depressant for about 6 months and it really helped.  There are homeopathic remedies too.  You may want to go see your doctor.  :)epression is a real-deal and considering what we all went through, is not out of the ordinary result.

Peace to you

[Red Sky]

I think that sometimes things can trigger you in ways you don't understand. You're probably still dealing with a lot of stuff.

I felt something very similar indeed: visited the hometown of an ex months after we broke up. I visited a friend, and we had a great time. And then I cried all the way home for no reason I really understood. I totally didn't regret the breakup. It's taken being on this forum to make me realise that I still had a lot to deal with in finding closure with that relationship. Jim talks about acknowledging and experiencing feelings... . I do believe that it's part of working through your breakup.

Hope you're feeling better soon!  

[LettingGo14]

Today, i woke up feeling this depression struck as soon as you open your eyes (I used to feel so during the first couple of weeks after the break up), tight chest, upset stomach and very bad mood and temper. I really do not know why. I have been feeling good for weeks now. even when i got a down it was very brief and mild. Why is it happening now ? i can not think of any triggers that happened soon.

antony_james -- one thing I'm learning is that physical symptoms are excellent ways to identify what might be going on below the surface in my thoughts.   It's nothing to be alarmed by -- so often we think that our "minds" are in control and somehow "separate" from the body.  Yet, our minds/emotions/bodies are all linked, and we can learn to work with each.

When my chest feels tight, I try to identify what emotion might be stored there:  is it anxiety?  grief?  fear?   Then, I visualize holding it for a time, and releasing it through deep breathing (deep inhalation and very very very very slow exhalation).  If you do that 10 times, and imagine breathing through the emotion, it often becomes more manageable.

[antjs]

Thanks guys for the replies.

First of all, i did not last with her years. I only lasted 6 weeks due to my intuition, her history, her obvious actions, she is low functioning, circumstances (we both knew that i would be leaving to another country soon). She always made the drama through this topic that i am leaving soon (fear of abandonment) and she loves me but we can not be together. Since her life is ___ed up and she was living on tourist visa here i suggested that she might try to find a job in the other country as well. My therapist after many sessions informed me that i am healthy and i dont have any codependency or childhood wounds.


I bumped into her two weeks ago and we acted like strangers.

I dont want her back but maybe i am depressed because now i realize that she knows i am leaving to the other country in days and most probably i will never see her in my life again. I might be depressed because of the cruelty and self centerdness she is having. She does not think even of stepping aside all the dilemma and just close things with me before not ever seeing her again and she knows that she can not reach me at all cause she is blocked in every way she might use to reach me. I am amazed at yhe cruelty and dissociation. Again i dont want any contact with her, i would never take her back but if i know that she even tries to contact me for closure maybe i will be relieved. I know its not her it is her disorder i am dealing with. I am ok with never talking to her again but me about leaving the country gives me this feeling again.

[Red Sky]

Your feelings are valid no matter how long your relationship was. It's an awful scenario. Leaving the country may well be a great help in distancing yourself from it all, even though it evokes funny feelings now. I think when you are moving you tend to be a bit nostalgic because of the uncertainty of what life will be like in future.

Just keep going dude. You'll get through it.