Hey itsnotme,
I predict that a day will come when you are grateful to be out of the r/s with your Ex pwBPD. At that point, you may even feel sorry for the poor guy who is your replacement.
Hang in there,
LuckyJim
Early on, this was one of the only beliefs I just couldn't see myself permanently subscribing to. My ego told me that I should be her only guy, the Number One Guy. But you know what? In time, the fog clears up, and you eventual realize (keyword: realize, not 'come to terms with' that you were frickin' lucky to escape.
That's not to say my ego was deflated; all the times she claimed to be deadly serious and in love with one of my successors, she was soon back on the phone with me or texting me just as, if not obsessively than I was, her. Then there were occasions of her I remembered demonizing the one BF before me, as well as the guys after me (when she had spat them out, of course), to the point where I knew there's something wrong here.
It's a pattern, that's all it is. Nothing personal. And the next BF will either be whipped and her Beast of Burden, or run into ruin. Then it'll be onto the next one, over and over. I'm not just repeating BPD scripture here, I witnessed this with my own eyes. It was literally the same thing over and over.
There was a time where I wanted this woman to rear my child. And I'm not one to take that subject lightly. Now? I thank the heavens above that I didn't get her pregnant. I would've been destroyed completely.
You don't wanna to end up hollow and battered like an empty fishcake. Trust me. You'll see in time.