"we lost your daughter"

[imsodizzy]

Lastnight was the most irresponsible act i have ever seen from BPDexgf at midnite i get a call from her sister in hysterics saying that they cant find my d4 and she must of ran away i go outside BPDex no where to be found her sister drunk my replacement drunk telling me how great it was to finaly meet me i knew there is no way she would run away so i went in her apt and d4 was hiding behind bathroom door where i told her to hide if she gets scared BPDexgf shows up crying trying to make everything about her and runsand drops down crying i pick my d4 and take her to my apt i cant understand how the f@#ck do u think you loose a child how do u het so drunk that u dont know where ur child is god there is not one reposible bone in her damn body d4 wont tell me why she was hiding but was verry happy to go with me god it makes me so angry how neglectfull she is she put on a mom/wife act but she truly is still a child trying to raise a child

[Dog biscuit]

Itmust be really horrible! Is there a change to get custody over your d4? 

[imsodizzy]

Well we were never married but together for 7 years i cant afford a lawer because i gave her my savings so she could move out because i wanted out of r/s and she wanted to be roommates i wasnt down with that its funny how being "common law" was enough for the police to let her steal my tv that she didnt pay for but not enough to let me be primary gaurdian of my daughter

[mywifecrazy]

Lastnight was the most irresponsible act i have ever seen from BPDexgf at midnite i get a call from her sister in hysterics saying that they cant find my d4 and she must of ran away i go outside BPDex no where to be found her sister drunk my replacement drunk telling me how great it was to finaly meet me i knew there is no way she would run away so i went in her apt and d4 was hiding behind bathroom door where i told her to hide if she gets scared BPDexgf shows up crying trying to make everything about her and runsand drops down crying i pick my d4 and take her to my apt i cant understand how the f@#ck do u think you loose a child how do u het so drunk that u dont know where ur child is god there is not one reposible bone in her damn body d4 wont tell me why she was hiding but was verry happy to go with me god it makes me so angry how neglectfull she is she put on a mom/wife act but she truly is still a child trying to raise a child

My God brother, I was terrified and MAD just reading your story. As a Father of two boys (14 & 9) I know what pain you must be going through. And you are spot on, they are like children trying to ACT like adults. Make sure you document this incident. Get in on record somehow that your daughter was in an unsafe environment. Your daughter NEEDS YOU!

Keeping being a good Dad. Too many Dads get a bad rap and we're treated unfairly in the court system but there are plenty of us out there raising our kids because their moms are too selfish and self centered that they don't put their kids first.

Hang in there Brother!

[imsodizzy]

Thank you mywifecrazy the whole time we have been apart 3.5 months she has used my daughter to try and control me or make jelous with the replacement by leting him watch her over me she has known him a month   told me i cant see her if i dont do this or that i dont give in because i know shes bluffing she woukd rather get drunk then spend every sinhle weekend with our daughter god i wish i never met that woman except i wouldnt have my daughter

[Mutt]

Get in on record somehow that your daughter was in an unsafe environment. Your daughter NEEDS YOU!

Keeping being a good Dad. Too many Dads get a bad rap and we're treated unfairly in the court system but there are plenty of us out there raising our kids because their moms are too selfish and self centered that they don't put their kids first.

Hang in there Brother!

I'm not sure what to say imsodizzy. I would think you felt anger, panic and anxiety. That is absolutely irresponsible and uncalled by your BPDexgf and her sister and the replacement. What an egotistical / narcissistic act. Children always come first and where are the adults here? They're drunk in front of D4 and obviously aren't paying attention. There's no excuse even if she tries to twist it around make it about her.

If you get a court order you could ask that there are no drugs and drinking to the point that she's drunk. I agree with mywifecrazy that it's automatically granted that she gets the kids as bad as the behaviors are. I heard "some people are just like that" as a scapegoat excuse from court counselors and lawyers. Fathers have to work harder to have access and it's not fair. My ex cleaned me out financially. I did manage to get a public lawyer but he quit and now I'm Pro Se. Document, document, document. Communicate by email only, back up texts and write events down. I record voicemails and I have a voice recorder app on my phone and use it. I'm not sure what the laws are in your State. Be the voice for the child. I understand you are in financial constraints. Call lawyers and get a free consultation to see what you can do, they usually will give you a free half hour. What access and parenting do you have now?

[Xstaticaddict]

Next time anything remotely like that happens try to get video of the interactions. Couldn't hurt to have that around just in case.

[imsodizzy]

Right now i have her every other weekend and i pick her up from daycare and she picks her up from me when sge gets off work i see her most the time except when ex trys to control and i dobt give in then she says i cant see her anymore

[Mutt]

Right now i have her every other weekend and i pick her up from daycare and she picks her up from me when sge gets off work i see her most the time except when ex trys to control and i dobt give in then she says i cant see her anymore

Parallel parenting is an option to take away control / conflict. It's all in what you want, but if your the non disordered parent, she needs exposure around you and emotional stability at least half of the time. Mine was unwilling to go to mediators, I'm not sure about your ex but would she be receptive to the idea? Get a parenting agenda in mediation?

[imsodizzy]

Oh no no mediator no counselor non of that she will go with

[imsodizzy]

Oh god did i hate having to give my daughter back to her

[mywifecrazy]

Thank you mywifecrazy the whole time we have been apart 3.5 months she has used my daughter to try and control me or make jelous with the replacement by leting him watch her over me she has known him a month   told me i cant see her if i dont do this or that i dont give in because i know shes bluffing she woukd rather get drunk then spend every sinhle weekend with our daughter god i wish i never met that woman except i wouldnt have my daughter

In any custody agreement no matter how the time is split up you would have Right of first Refusal that means that she has to offer YOU the opportunity to babysit your child before she lets anyone else do it. DONT LET HER PULL THAT CRAP AGAIN! Your kid needs to be with YOU not some drunken loser!

[imsodizzy]

I sometimes still wonder whathappened to the woman i loved and the mom she used to be then it hits me like a ton of bricks it was all a lie :'( i miss that lie

[mywifecrazy]

I sometimes still wonder whathappened to the woman i loved and the mom she used to be then it hits me like a ton of bricks it was all a lie :'( i miss that lie

I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I was with my uBPDxw for 20 years and didn't find out the TRUTH about her until Father's Day 2013 when I caught her in bed with my neighbor friend.  It's very hard when you come to the realization that the person you loved never really existed but they were only putting on an act to manipulate you into caring for them. You WILL get through it! You're in the right place, you're not alone. In time you'll come to realize that there's nothing wrong with you, you just fell in love with a very broken person.

Be Strong! You need to Focus on YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER now!

[imsodizzy]

Mywifecrazy wow fathersday of 2013 thats when i cought my ex sexting a guy from work who she claimed was just friends god what lovely fathersday gifts we got that year after that i left from june to we reconected in october moved back in in dec and by march same ___ same guy how could i of been so stupid

[mywifecrazy]

Mywifecrazy wow fathersday of 2013 thats when i cought my ex sexting a guy from work who she claimed was just friends god what lovely fathersday gifts we got that year after that i left from june to we reconected in october moved back in in dec and by march same same guy how could i of been so stupid

imsodizzy, read some of of your first posts. Just like everyone else on here we have a lot of PAIN in common. In addition to uncovering affairs on Fathers Day my uBPDxw also moved in across the street from me, only she moved in with my X friend and neighbor. Is yours still in apartment across the hall? These people are UNREAL! Don't care who they hurt, even their own kids... . It's all about THEM!   

PS yes what lovely Fathers Day gifts we got last year... . Couldn't they have just got us cards instead... . or a FREAKING tie ? 

[imsodizzy]

She still lives right across the hall she will stand out there or infront of my window with replacement she met after a week