What did I do wrong?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Was up til 130 am last night working to prep for board today and cause I went to a work function of hers.  She wouldn't let me sleep in same bed and was horrible this morning.  Saying heinous things about me.  I said nothing and still drove her to Austin 3.5 hours.  She finally apologized and we got it over.  It was very hard for her.  I congratulated her.  We then went back to hotel... The omni.  The pool wasn't what she wanted and she chalked it up to me being cheap and ocd.  She left.  She said she wants me to go home and leave her here in austin.  She says I'm a murderer cause of the abortion and I will burn in hell.  She says I'm a large part why she will die.  She says it's over and she is disgusted by me.  In a strange town.  Scared now.  Don't know what to do

[hurthusband]

Was up til 130 am last night working to prep for board today and cause I went to a work function of hers.  She wouldn't let me sleep in same bed and was horrible this morning.  Saying heinous things about me.  I said nothing and still drove her to Austin 3.5 hours.  She finally apologized and we got it over.  It was very hard for her.  I congratulated her.  We then went back to hotel... The omni.  The pool wasn't what she wanted and she chalked it up to me being cheap and ocd.  She left.  She said she wants me to go home and leave her here in austin.  She says I'm a murderer cause of the abortion and I will burn in hell.  She says I'm a large part why she will die.  She says it's over and she is disgusted by me.  In a strange town.  Scared now.  Don't know what to do

[formflier]

Was up til 130 am last night working to prep for board today and cause I went to a work function of hers.  She wouldn't let me sleep in same bed and was horrible this morning.  Saying heinous things about me.  I said nothing and still drove her to Austin 3.5 hours.  She finally apologized and we got it over.  It was very hard for her.  I congratulated her.  We then went back to hotel... The omni.  The pool wasn't what she wanted and she chalked it up to me being cheap and ocd.  She left.  She said she wants me to go home and leave her here in austin.  She says I'm a murderer cause of the abortion and I will burn in hell.  She says I'm a large part why she will die.  She says it's over and she is disgusted by me.  In a strange town.  Scared now.  Don't know what to do

Hang in there.  You know it's not you.  She is processing her own emotions... . badly... and they are spilling out on you.  Can you take a hot shower... . try to relax a bit.  Gather yourself and prepare to do some serious validation when you guys get back together.

[hurthusband]

I tried and she just kept on... we slept whole time.  She is just popping xanax.  We started driving home and she just kept in how I'm stupid and I'm a horrible person and a bad human and just kept in demanding and screaming at me so I pulled over.   I got out of the car saying I can't drive 3 hours listening to that and she drove off

[Panda39]

That's awful :'( I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds to me that she was freaked out about whole doctor thing and took her stress out on you... . which is not okay and you did not deserve.

I'm also hearing sleep deprivation on your part. Maybe you could just take a break and stay in a hotel and get some sleep.  It's really hard to deal with any thing when your are worn out.

Please keep coming here too.  We have been there and care 

[formflier]

I tried and she just kept on... we slept whole time.  She is just popping xanax.  We started driving home and she just kept in how I'm stupid and I'm a horrible person and a bad human and just kept in demanding and screaming at me so I pulled over.   I got out of the car saying I can't drive 3 hours listening to that and she drove off

I've had to pull over and get out of the car several times myself.  She just wouldn't stop with the drone...

One time in heavy traffic... . it got to the point of being dangerous... . asking her to be quiet or help with directions was not working.

How did you get home?  I might say in the future that if you pull over to get out... you keep the keys... .

How did she end up driving off?  Did you give her keys or did she take them.

Hang in there... . how are you doing now. 

The vibe I'm getting from your posts is that you need to focus on self care!

I also want to congratulate you on the limit you set.  It looks like you decided that you will not be berated in a car for 3 or 4 hours... . and you did something about it.

Good job!

[KateCat]

Does she still have a driver's license following the recent DWI arrest, or do any sanctions only enter into effect at the conclusion of her case?

I'm just wondering if some really fail-safe driving arrangements would be essential going forward. I think in my state, which now has only ":)UI," levels of Xanax in the blood would be factored in to any legal driving charges.

[hurthusband]

Does she still have a driver's license following the recent DWI arrest, or do any sanctions only enter into effect at the conclusion of her case?

I'm just wondering if some really fail-safe driving arrangements would be essential going forward. I think in my state, which now has only ":)UI," levels of Xanax in the blood would be factored in to any legal driving charges.

She has a temporary license still that they allowed.  I've had plenty of sleep.  In past 48 hours between be attacks I've slept 30 of the past 48 hours.  I will say I'll have nightmares about us that have hope in them but when I wake up I realize reality is worse than the nightmares. 

She finally came back then lit into me again.  I removed myself from can again and she made a scene and was a bit physical saying then we need to go before the police are called and get her.

Drove home and it was horrible.  Got our son and he disobeyed rules but she was so hard on him it made him and myself cry.  She upstairs now sleeping on xanax.  Talked a little about divorce... . She refuses to offer any legal custodial rights other than if they want to see you they can which I don't trust.  Going to see about meeting a lawyer tommorow.   I mean the behavior isn't fair at all and is psychotic frankly but somebody with BPD who then has to face the doctor who verbally abused her during a procedure, find out her mother has cancer both within a week on top of dealing with a dui,  albeit her fault, then dealing with the pressure of having no clue what to do with her life and a marriage on the rocks.  I don't know that a normal healthy person could handle it.  Home is quiet now... . Part of me is thinking about starting a project and something I would enjoy but if she gets up and angry over it... . it will destroy the whole project as I won't be able to concentrate and finish so maybe I shouldn't.   I told her it might be best if she goes and stays with her friend whose husband went on 2 year year biz trip.  She said I need ed do to go live with my mother but in a more sarcastic and demeaning way.  I know she dreads my mother knowing our problems.  

I don't want to hurt her.  She keeps saying I never anticipate needs... .  I feel badly but maybe it's cause I'm stuck reach to a wave of problems and any anticipation that is wrong gets me into more trouble.  At least I feel more options at home here.  

[hurthusband]

well got a number of an attorney... she is talking about possibly needed to go into inpatient help.

From what I have read, this really is not effective for BPD people, but she going to talk to her therapist and I figure she is more qualified than me to suggest this.

Personally, I think it would be best if she just moved out and left me with kids for 6 months or so... occasional visits... just to have alone time to reflect and work on herself along with no added stresses of kids to then work herself back into family...

[Panda39]

She might be using the inpatient stay as a way to take a break, that's what my SO's uBPDex has occasionally done when things became too overwhelming.

Glad to hear about the Attorney.  Hope things cool down a little bit you've had a heck of a time.

[hurthusband]

She might be using the inpatient stay as a way to take a break, that's what my SO's uBPDex has occasionally done when things became too overwhelming.

Glad to hear about the Attorney.  Hope things cool down a little bit you've had a heck of a time.

last night she was pretty cold and snapped suddenly at some strange things.  She still wanted to meet with my mother though tonight... without me...

She then went to bed early and our kid was still out with grandparents.  She said to leave the room and do whatever I want and handle him.  So after 45 minutes, he came home, and i had him take a shower and clean up, then i got on my computer and did a little work and goofed off for about an hour and half.  Went to go to bed and she told me basically to sleep downstairs.  So I did.  At 3 am she comes in and asks me to come back to bed if i want.  SO i did, and she proceeded to get angry with me that I was on my computer while she was sleeping and hurting.

To which I said, if I was upset and in bed, you would still live life.  You told me to do whatever, and you would not let me in the room, so I did whatever.  Same story, I never care... I say if i did not care, I would not be still trying, and I am sure all she is going through is unimaginably hard, and I feel horrible she has all of this going on. 

I do not know where we stand...

She tells me today to go ahead and come with her to my moms tonight or to let my mom out of it if she wants.

My mom I guess was under impression it was all of us anyways, and was going to have her granddaughters bday tonight anyways which I know will infuriate my wife, total misunderstanding, but deadly for me.  Mom said she could meet with my wife on Thursday though...

Its like the BPD can see their own pain but oblivious to that of everyone else and everyone elses circumstances.  They are hurt and flawed, but others cannot be and will not be tolerated