1 step forward, 2 steps back.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Struggled these past two days. I cannot get her out of my mind. I'm trying to keep busy as much as possible, but she is all I think about.

I don't know 100%, but I’m 99.9% sure she has gone back to my replacement... . which hurts. She hasn't tried reaching out to me, which she done in the past. Knowing she's happy with him & doesn't think twice about me anymore is what cuts deep.

I know NC is the best for me, but it's not easy. All I want to do is talk to her.

[Eric1]

Struggled these past two days. I cannot get her out of my mind. I'm trying to keep busy as much as possible, but she is all I think about.

I don't know 100%, but I’m 99.9% sure she has gone back to my replacement... . which hurts. She hasn't tried reaching out to me, which she done in the past. Knowing she's happy with him & doesn't think twice about me anymore is what cuts deep.

I know NC is the best for me, but it's not easy. All I want to do is talk to her.

[going places]

Struggled these past two days. I cannot get her out of my mind. I'm trying to keep busy as much as possible, but she is all I think about.

I don't know 100%, but I’m 99.9% sure she has gone back to my replacement... . which hurts. She hasn't tried reaching out to me, which she done in the past. Knowing she's happy with him & doesn't think twice about me anymore is what cuts deep.

I know NC is the best for me, but it's not easy. All I want to do is talk to her.

Just keep taking steps forward. Do not succumb to the urges to contact.

I promise, I promise, with time, it gets easier.

It really does.

Just keep moving forward, in the opposite direction of her... .

[WalrusGumboot]

We all go through this "worst part" of breaking up that you experience. By nature, I like to ruminate about things, so it probably took me longer than most to sort all the details out in my mind and move on, but I did. We all do, and so will you.

Hang in there!  

[Waifed]

Struggled these past two days. I cannot get her out of my mind. I'm trying to keep busy as much as possible, but she is all I think about.

I don't know 100%, but I’m 99.9% sure she has gone back to my replacement... . which hurts. She hasn't tried reaching out to me, which she done in the past. Knowing she's happy with him & doesn't think twice about me anymore is what cuts deep.

I know NC is the best for me, but it's not easy. All I want to do is talk to her.

The likelihood that she remains happy for any extended amount of time is highly unlikely.  She is not capable of maintaining a functional relationship.

[JackBlacknBlue]

It is an addiction.  I know when I can't count on the fortitude of my mental resolve to hold firm, I do things that make it hard for me to contact her or see what she is up to.  Put my phone in another room, turn off my computer, go for walk etc.  It is really hard.  We're all going thru that same withdrawal.  Keep coming back here. 

[Eric1]

I just don't want to be forgotten about. It's daft really.

[Eric1]

I'm still tormenting myself with thoughts of her with my replacement. He's oviously doing something different than what i did, maybe he doesn't trigger her as much, but it's pretty soul destroying.

[seeking balance]

I'm still tormenting myself with thoughts of her with my replacement. He's oviously doing something different than what i did, maybe he doesn't trigger her as much, but it's pretty soul destroying.

He is in the beginning, you were once in the beginning too - triggering comes with intimacy and every persons dynamic is different.  As much as this feels about you - this is not about you.

I know this hurts, it takes practice to train your brain not to think about it - it takes time to heal. 

You mentioned you wanted to talk to her, write here what you want to say - get it out to us, so you can process it.

[Eric1]

It's not someone new. She's recycled both of us, but now has gone back to him.

I don't know what I would say.

[seeking balance]

It's not someone new. She's recycled both of us, but now has gone back to him.

It is new for her, in her mind - even in a recycle.  This is BPD, not rational behavior. 

I don't know what I would say.

You mentioned all you want to do is talk to her, that is why I was wondering what you would say.

[LettingGo14]

It's not someone new. She's recycled both of us, but now has gone back to him.

I don't know what I would say.

Eric1 -- I know it hurts.  From a purely technical standpoint, here are some tools for you to work with repetitive and invasive thoughts -- that is, re-training the brain.  Thoughts can be real, but not true.   I spent a lot of time imagining my ex-g/f happiness with the replacement.   But, on reflection, that's my projection.  Or, it's my dissociation -- trying to keep my own feelings of pain in submission.

So, some tools to work with difficult thoughts:

1. Replace -- here's a quick example.  Close your eyes and for one minute picture the word "trouble" in your brain.  Experience how your body "feels."   Then, for another minute, picture the word "peace" in your brain.   Visualize the word.  Then, experience how your body feels.

2. Reflect -- ask:  what is the pain that you are feeling, emotionally, absent the story?  If we can "lose the story" (e.g., stop telling ourselves we are replaced) and "feel the pain" we start to work with ourselves, the only entity we can control.

3. Reject -- beginnings are always happy.  As SeekingBalance says, we were all in the beginning once.  We can "reject" the idea that happiness is now the default state for our exes.

4. Relax -- what if we tell ourselves, "ok, I consent to be replaced" rather than fighting it with all of our hearts and minds.  at the very least, we replace the negative energy.

5. Remove  --  imagine writing the story on a piece of paper and burning it.  Remove the thoughts visually.   Burn them, discard them, walk away.

Just some thoughts.