So it's finally over...

[myself]

Could be she's just flinging sh!t into the air, seeing what sticks. Needing attention because she doesn't feel good about herself, alternating between too full and empty. It's understandable that you're trying to make sense of this, sorting through facts and feelings. Why did she say that? Why did she do that? Why run from this, towards the other? Figuring out the actions of someone who's disordered is partially doable, partially never happening. One question is: How much more of it do you welcome into your life? 

[christoff522]

... . it never ends. A good friend of hers relapsed. The result? I get a text, as if I'm supposed to care, help, or talk to her about it. Why? She has two other guys in the wings but texts me? And why would she even expect an answer from me knowing that fact?

It really is all about them, all the time.

She sees it as important, she thinks you will find it important too. Its 'drama'. She thinks that theres no way you could not speak to her when this is happening. They think like children, you're her dad (one of them anyway), and as her surrogate father she comes running to you in times of need. If you allow it she would do this forever, all the while getting other needs fulfilled elsewhere.

yes its about her! But ultimately its about neglect at some point in her past. Now imagine that you were actually her father, and her friend 'relapsed', what would she do if she had a good relationship with you? She'd go to her dad for comfort.

[learnandgrow]

The thing is I haven't been allowing it in my life. I haven't responded or reacted to anything. So why can't I just be allowed to move on in peace? What an awful experience. You're not wanted... . unless they suddenly need you for something.

[christoff522]

The thing is I haven't been allowing it in my life. I haven't responded or reacted to anything. So why can't I just be allowed to move on in peace? What an awful experience. You're not wanted... . unless they suddenly need you for something.

The only way you can do that is by removing her from all points in your life. Delete, delete, delete - block if you can. You see so long as you're allowing access via social media you are allowing it in your life. Remember that you get sent FRIEND requests. For her thats as good as saying that things are okay and you want to continue contact. One of the biggest insults my BPD had was when we would have arguments and I would delete her and block her to get a bit of space. Any time you do anything 'permanent' (as blocking and deleting is) it p*sses them off big time, because you are actually saying "you're not wanted in my life". Some people say that they like it cos it sees that its getting to you, but I totally disagree. Delete her on everything, just do it. Think of it like this, if she wanted rid of you she would block and delete you without a second thought. In fact, the same day as the "bye bye, we're friends, look after yourself x" text, I was blocked.

Another thing you can do is get her to delete and block you - do this, send her a message telling her "NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN, YOU'RE AN EVIL, SELF CENTERED NARCISSIST, I DESPISE WHAT YOU DO TO PEOPLE AND I FEEL FOR YOUR NEXT VICTIM. YOU WILL NEVER GET VALIDATION, OR APPRECIATION OR EVEN A NICE WORD FROM ME AGAIN, YOU'RE A CREEP, GO AWAY, I MEAN IT, NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!"

Words to that effect did that for me, I kinda regret sending it in my dark days - I did apologise for sending it. But that will kill it for you if you're desperate to get some peace. It will end it because 1 - it risks exposure 2 - it implies she has other guys on the side 3 - it exposes her methodology (next victim) 4- it shatters her ego by calling her a creep 5- it pushes the blame her way (never contact ME again).

You honestly are not doing no contact properly.

[learnandgrow]

Maybe you're right. I hadn't blocked her because I thought it would show she was getting to me.

[Mutt]

This thread has reached its 4-page limit. This is a worthwhile topic, and you are welcome to start a new thread if you'd like.