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Topic: Daughters saga in residential treatment... (Read 4555 times)
raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #30 on:
July 21, 2014, 08:53:45 AM »
Rapt - The RTC she is in now was beyond a waste of time as they do not conduct themselves in a professional manner at all. I truly believe the therapist she sees there lets youth congregate in her office! I actually know for a fact because every time DD calls me now, it's from her office, and DD is half talking to me and half talking to the other girls there. Such a waste of time. I really don't know what's going to happen to be honest with you. I haven not heard anything yet. All I know at this point is that she is in some sort of system that sends her packets of information to a central location for various RTC's to review and decide if they want to accept her at which point, meet and greets are set up.
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #31 on:
July 21, 2014, 04:14:41 PM »
Dear Raytamtay,
I think I would have lost my cool, if I were dealing with your DD. So I commend you in handling it as well as you did.
We parents are human too, and it's hard to respond to every single situation the way we'd like... .especially when our BPD kids push our buttons.
I wish this were easier for you! It must be so frustrating to put your trust in an institution that is supposed to help your DD, and still watch her decline. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Hang in there!
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #32 on:
July 24, 2014, 02:55:55 PM »
DD is said to be having a good week at the RTC so far this week, which I'm very happy about. So visits resumed. I had plans on going last weekend but due to her behaviour, they were suspended. I made plans to take my DS7 to a peach festival in our town this weekend, so I told her I would not be coming, but that her dad will. I feel so guilty though.
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #33 on:
July 25, 2014, 01:57:16 PM »
Dear Ray,
Oh boy, do I understand your guilt! I think I can safely say ALL us parents feel guilty when we make the choice to care for ourselves and other family members first. But, guilt is a feeling we can control. For me, I ask myself, "Have I done everything I can? Is there anything I could have done better or differently?" If I
know
I've done the best I could with the skills, knowledge and experience I had at the time, that helps reduce my guilt. What can you say to yourself about this to reduce your guilt?
I do believe you have done everything you could, so in this case, your guilt is not serving you.
Hang in there!
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #34 on:
August 13, 2014, 02:44:59 PM »
Hi everyone. Sorry I've been MIA for a while. We are still in a holding pattern trying to have DD transferred to another RTC. Our new DCM has been unresponsive to my request for a status report, which is extremly frusterating. The end of this month we are back in court again as DD has three complaints filed against her from people at the RTC... .another $250 out the window for the lawyer. oh joy!
On a postive note, tonight my DH and I will be attending our first NAMI support group meeting! He has been home from work due to having his gallbladder removed a couple of weeks ago, and when I asked if he's like to come with me tonight, he said yes. Woo-hoo! I'm very happy about that and will make sure he knows it. (o;
This way I will get to meet some of the folks whom I will be taking the 12 week NAMI course with beginning next month as well. Plus I get nervous going someplace unfamiliar alone so having DH with me gives me no excuses to back out either.
On another positve note, I will be going on a girlfriends cruise in October! It's a short one but I am so excited and so looking forward to turning off my phone, kicking back and recharging my batteries!
I hope everyone is doing well. I'm going to try and read through some of the posts to get up to date.
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lever.
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #35 on:
August 13, 2014, 03:05:16 PM »
Good to hear how things are going-hope you enjoy the course
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #36 on:
August 14, 2014, 03:35:50 PM »
Despite all the drama from your DD, you sound so much more centered today.
Quote from: raytamtay3 on August 13, 2014, 02:44:59 PM
On another positive note, I will be going on a girlfriends cruise in October! It's a short one but I am so excited and so looking forward to turning off my phone, kicking back and recharging my batteries!
Ahhh! That sounds wonderful! I'm envious! You've made me realize how important it is to have something to look forward to. I need to plan a little get away for myself too.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #37 on:
August 15, 2014, 09:14:38 AM »
DD has been begging me to get her out of the RTC. I told her while I'm trying all I can (trying to get a hold of her DCM for a status, letting her lawyer know what's been going on, contacting her probation officer regarding same, etc.), I'm limited on what I can do. I told her she needs to do her part (behave herself there) and I will do my part. She was doing fairly well the past two weeks in that she wasn't running off in to the woods. And we've been talking a lot on the phone and she has been saying how she's trying really hard so she can come home for visits again. And then, low and behold, I get a call from her CM at the RTC saying how she and 6 of her peers took off in the woods Wednesday night by climbing out of their windows and how the other youth, with the exception of my DD and a male peer, came back around 2am Thursday morning and my DD and the male peer, 4:00 am Thursday morning! This "male peer" is her boyfriend there. She's told me all about him. How he was in there for weapons charges... .lovely. So I guarantee before all is said and done, she's gonna get pg. That is my prediction. What do I do then? I will not allow her back in my home with a baby that could have been prevented, And I told her that. She's had every opportunity to be put on birth control.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #38 on:
August 18, 2014, 11:30:20 AM »
I FINALLY got a call back from our new DCM. This was the first time we really got to talk extensively, which is something I've been trying to do for months now! Well to make a long story short, after I told her all of my DD's history, etc., she realizes she is in the wrong type of facility all together! That she doesn't need to be in an RTC that deal with behavorial problems, that she needs something called a "spec level" of care which deal with pychiatric problems! Well duh! This is what I thought we were getting! She acted all mad that DD has been in the wrong place! I told her, nicely, that this was why I've been wanting to talk to her. I broke down saying we wasted over 6 months now! Anyway, she is suppose to contact DD's therapist at the RTC to ask for a new JCR to be set up and sent to a facility that has "spec level" of care. Grrr... .!
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theplotthickens
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #39 on:
August 18, 2014, 12:47:58 PM »
It does not sound like the current facility is able to keep your daughter safe or give her the tools she needs to do better. It sounds like the center is exacerbating the problems. My thought would be are there other options for treatment that do not involve adolescent group settings?
I am thinking of the possibility of a therapeutic foster home and DBT therapist. Honestly, any setting where there are peers with issues makes my daughter imitate the negative and become worse. Since you are her guardian, you can sign her out anytime, anywhere, from any place and you must make the final decisions.
There was one facility that put my daughter in inappropriate seclusion, and she was going absolutely nuts, ready to attempt another suicide she was so distraught. They did not allow her to call me for over two days. I signed her out so fast it made the staff's head spin. They are lucky I did not pursue legal charges. If I even suspected abuse, there is no way I would allow my daughter to be there another minute. Kids have died from inappropriate restraints.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #40 on:
August 18, 2014, 01:27:59 PM »
I was told I can sign her out any time I want to. But she cannot come home at the mental state she is in. Period. So my hands are tied at the moment.
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #41 on:
August 18, 2014, 07:27:04 PM »
Dear Raytamtay,
WOW! I'm so glad SOMEONE finally listened to you and that they are going to do something about it! I hope they're able to find the proper kind of psych facility or home for your DD ASAP! Our mental health system is so lacking, it's very scary.
Keep us posted on your progress. And hang in there! Are you counting days until your GF cruise?
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #42 on:
August 19, 2014, 01:32:53 PM »
Quote from: HealingSpirit on August 18, 2014, 07:27:04 PM
Are you counting days until your GF cruise?
Hell yeah!
. Today during my lunch break I went to the post office to apply for my passport card! 2 months from this Sunday! I just hope everything goes smoothly.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #43 on:
August 19, 2014, 01:41:50 PM »
Quote from: theplotthickens on August 18, 2014, 12:47:58 PM
It does not sound like the current facility is able to keep your daughter safe or give her the tools she needs to do better. It sounds like the center is exacerbating the problems. My thought would be are there other options for treatment that do not involve adolescent group settings?
I am thinking of the possibility of a therapeutic foster home and DBT therapist. Honestly, any setting where there are peers with issues makes my daughter imitate the negative and become worse. Since you are her guardian, you can sign her out anytime, anywhere, from any place and you must make the final decisions.
There was one facility that put my daughter in inappropriate seclusion, and she was going absolutely nuts, ready to attempt another suicide she was so distraught. They did not allow her to call me for over two days. I signed her out so fast it made the staff's head spin. They are lucky I did not pursue legal charges. If I even suspected abuse, there is no way I would allow my daughter to be there another minute. Kids have died from inappropriate restraints.
We have different situations. Yes I can sign my DD out at any time, but then I'll have the court to contend with too because she was court ordered there. In addition, we need the advocacy (sp) that the agency we are dealing with affords. But let it be known, I am my DD's true advocate. I'm learning a lot as I go. But rest assured, I'm on top of everything. I have our attorney involved, DD's probation officer and the probation officer's suprvisor and I also have the judges ear. So I feel confident that things will get done properly now. Thankfully my DD isn't suicidal (yet). And thankfully she can hold her own. Plus the RTC now realizes that we are not the type of parents who brush our kid off on them and say they are your problem now. I'm hands on and they know it now. And they are really watching themselves now with my DD.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #44 on:
August 20, 2014, 09:03:15 AM »
UPDATE: Received a letter from the Insitutional Abuse Investigation Division yesterday that stated the allegations of abuse against my DD were "Unfounded". Same deal with CPS.
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #45 on:
August 20, 2014, 03:34:43 PM »
Quote from: raytamtay3 on August 20, 2014, 09:03:15 AM
UPDATE: Received a letter from the Insitutional Abuse Investigation Division yesterday that stated the allegations of abuse against my DD were "Unfounded". Same deal with CPS.
Ugh! That must be so frustrating! Impossible to know if the RTC is doing a good cover up job, or if there is credence to you DD's complaints. In any case, it sounds like it's just not the right place for your DD, so they aren't equipped with the right kinds of experts & staff to help her. I can't wait for you to tell us they've moved her to a more appropriate place!
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #46 on:
August 25, 2014, 01:31:11 PM »
Had our visit this past Saturday, which did not go well. Her father met me there. I left DS at home with my DH. Off the bat DD was upset/mad because the boy she was "dating" at the RTC has had enough with her and is talking about her and saying how he's now interested in another girl in the same housing DD resides. So she was pissed off. Even talking about him infront of her dad who is a typical dad who doesn't want to hear his DD has a boyfriend, let alone one at an RTC let alone the race he was... .For the record, I have no problem with any nationality, race or greed, gender, etc. as long as whomever my DD ends up withh treats her right. But I digress... .
So anyway she was pissed off about that. The boy's camp is directly accross from where we were meeting with her and there was a window facing the boy's camp and the boy in question was visible from where we were.
Things really took a turn for the worse when DD said how her CM said if she continues to makes status there, they may allow her a day pass for her Birthday, which is September 7. She said how she wants to come home for it and that she will spend 8 hours with us and only asks for two to spend with her friends. I told her no. That she is not to be unsupervised yet and her father and I tried to negociate with her telling her that we would bring a couple of friends of hers out to dinner with us or to LBI (which is close to the facility) for the day. Not good enough for her. She would not take no for an answer. Would not negociate. I held my ground and she walked out. Her father, for a change, actually said things against her and backed me up which she did not like at all because he always sides with her.
So as we are leaving I see a bunch of the boys on their cottage steps and one kept saying "Hi T". I thought maybe he thought I was her or something because I could not pyhsically see her. Here she comes from around the building close to where they were with a staff member trailing behind her asking her what she's doing out of area. She told me in the visit how she wanted to punch the boy in the face. I told her that is not a good idea, etc., but she was not listening. I'm waiting to hear something happened any day now... .God I'm so sick of this crap!
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HealingSpirit
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #47 on:
August 25, 2014, 08:26:56 PM »
How frustrating this is! I am encouraged that her father aligned with you about her behavior this time. She sounds very troubled and so difficult to handle!
I wish I had words of wisdom for you!
Hang in there and keep us posted.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
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Reply #48 on:
August 26, 2014, 09:07:12 AM »
Thanks HealingSpirit. I forgot to mention, the pcychatrist at the RTC contacted me about starting DD on Concerta. Anyone have experience with that?
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Panda39
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #49 on:
August 26, 2014, 09:19:18 PM »
My son was on Concerta for ADD when he was younger (4th grade or so). We liked it because it was long acting and he only needed to take a pill in the morning so no embarrassing trips or forgotten trips to the school nurse's office at lunchtime. It is a long acting form of Ritalin which he had previously been on. My son did well on it. Helped him focus. By the time he was 17 he decided to take himself off his ADD meds. I was okay with trying that but if I saw negative affects he'd be going back on. I really didn't see a drastic change so he's now not on anything, maturity seems to have been a factor in his case he's now 21. (He is not BPD)
Is your daughter ADD or ADHD?
I don't have any sage advice regarding your daughter but I did want you to know that you are supported.
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"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #50 on:
August 26, 2014, 11:55:21 PM »
Quote from: raytamtay3 on August 25, 2014, 01:31:11 PM
Off the bat DD was upset/mad because the boy she was "dating" at the RTC has had enough with her and is talking about her and saying how he's now interested in another girl in the same housing DD resides. So she was pissed off.
I hate to be a party pooper, but this is how I met my ex. I was one of those guys a little over four and a half years ago. I'm willing to answer questions about my experience in there via PM if you want a little more clarity.
For the record, my mom has BPD and she strung together enough lies in front of doctors to get me admitted to one of these programs for a month. I was cut off from other family members and friends that could have vouched for me and said my mom was unstable.
From experiencing it myself, these programs aren't helpful. It's like Big Brother, but nobody gets voted off, and what little group therapy there was usually resulted in us just cracking jokes at everything. So basically it was a handful of sexually curious/mentally unstable teenagers sitting at a few tables playing cards and drawing all day. At night we'd have a light hearted "group therapy" session that lasted all of 30 minutes before watching a movie together or being left to entertain ourselves. Take a guess what happened anytime the staff turned their backs, and you're probably in the ballpark.
I don't understand how putting self-destructive teens with other self-destructive teens in a closed environment will somehow solve their problems.
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Our objective
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #51 on:
August 27, 2014, 08:31:28 AM »
Quote from: Panda39 on August 26, 2014, 09:19:18 PM
My son was on Concerta for ADD when he was younger (4th grade or so). We liked it because it was long acting and he only needed to take a pill in the morning so no embarrassing trips or forgotten trips to the school nurse's office at lunchtime. It is a long acting form of Ritalin which he had previously been on. My son did well on it. Helped him focus. By the time he was 17 he decided to take himself off his ADD meds. I was okay with trying that but if I saw negative affects he'd be going back on. I really didn't see a drastic change so he's now not on anything, maturity seems to have been a factor in his case he's now 21. (He is not BPD)
Is your daughter ADD or ADHD?
I don't have any sage advice regarding your daughter but I did want you to know that you are supported.
My DD has the lack of impulse control side of ADHD. That is what they are wanting to treat. She doesn't think before she reacts. She was on Tenex before and it seemed to help her stop and think. I'm hopeful this will as well.
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #52 on:
August 27, 2014, 01:03:10 PM »
UPDATE: Just got off the phone with the phychatrist and gave my verbal consent for them to start DD on Concerta. **God please work** I hate that she has to be on anything, but if it can help her, I am all for it! Pray for her. :'(
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raytamtay3
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #53 on:
August 27, 2014, 01:39:06 PM »
My DH thinks I should have waited until DD is transferred to another facility before starting her on meds saying so they can see the real her. To me if it helps her, what difference would that make? He angers me sometimes in his mentality.
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tokyotea
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #54 on:
August 28, 2014, 09:09:09 AM »
My dd ran from wilderness 2x and they told me she was unusually tough... she transferred to a locked down facility after that and has not run away
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Re: Daughters saga in residential treatment...
«
Reply #55 on:
August 28, 2014, 09:52:08 PM »
Quote from: raytamtay3 on August 27, 2014, 01:39:06 PM
My DH thinks I should have waited until DD is transferred to another facility before starting her on meds saying so they can see the real her. To me if it helps her, what difference would that make? He angers me sometimes in his mentality.
You never know, raytamtay3, what event will turn things around and make them better. A medication that "works" can be a life-changer, making the next facility a better fit and the right place for your daughter. Your Husband is nervous, afraid and fearful of another poor fit for her recovery... .I can understand why that is frustrating for you, but I can feel his pain, also
Quote from: tokyotea on August 28, 2014, 09:09:09 AM
My dd ran from wilderness 2x and they told me she was unusually tough... she transferred to a locked down facility after that and has not run away
Welcome, tokyotea, to the Parenting a Son or Daughter with BPD Board
I am glad that it seems your daughter has possibly found a facility that is right for her, and I'm sure that gives raytamtay3 some hope
We're looking forward to you starting a thread on this Board telling us your story; we'd love to get to know you... .
I'm going to lock this thread now, because it has reached its page limit. This topic is very worthwhile, and I encourage you to continue the story in another thread, raytamtay3... .Thanks! And you know that we all are very interested in seeing your daughter find the right place for her, to find the perfect help for her, so that she makes her way into recovery and a good and happy life
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Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
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