So tired

[empath]

Last night, I had a migraine headache. I had gone to an event with some other women and started feeling the beginnings there. When I came home, uBPDh was watching a show and wanted to watch it with me. I couldn't at that point because I was feeling really bad, so I told him that I had a headache. He asked what he did wrong, and I said it wasn't his fault. Then he said, 'it's always my fault.' He continued to watch the show, expecting me to watch with him. Then, he asked if I didn't like the show. I said again that I didn't feel well, so I was going to go lay down.

As I was thinking about it, I felt the stuckness that his negativity causes in my ability to share things with him. Everything that I express turns into something negative in uBPDh's mind and is directed toward him. It just gets exhausting sometimes when I have to take responsibility for both sides of a conversation -- expressing what I need to and helping him to understand that it isn't his 'fault'. For a lot of our marriage, I just didn't talk to him about most things and lived as though I was a single parent because I couldn't rely on him for things.

Just feeling tired today... .

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[maxsterling]

empath - boy can I relate.  I've gotten into the same pattern.  Not telling her things that are going on with me because she will either try to make it about her, or it will somehow trigger her.  On the recent list is comments made to me by my dBPD sister in law about her marriage to my brother.  I sure would like to talk to GF about that as it has really brought me down, but I know her reaction is likely to bring me down more.  And - I'm getting a bonus at work - I haven't told her because I know she will then use that as a reason to claim I have more money to spend on her. 

This is a constant issue.  I can be down for whatever reason, or just not feeling well, and because I don't have a smile on my face she will say, "what's wrong?  Are you mad at me?  You are mad at me."  I will tell her "no" and that my mood has nothing to do with her.  And then she will insist that I am mad at her and am just not saying anything. 

[empath]

Oh, my. When husband was talking about our daughter drinking tea, he said, "she is bound and determined to drink all your tea." I just sighed and rolled my eyes -- he couldn't see the eye rolling. Wanted to say that I don't think life is all about people who are out to get me. I get the 'are you mad at me' constantly, too. More recently, I've been saying that I am mad that he is telling me that I'm mad -- wasn't before.