Friends Don't Understand

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's unbelievable the hurt that I feel from this. I think it's finally sinking in. Does anyone else have a hard time working? I have never had that problem. Of course, I have a lot to do the next couple weeks, so I can't take time off or I definitely would. Suffice to say, I am having a pretty rough day and I went to one of my best friends to talk it out. Before arriving, I decided that I was going to tell him everything about the last 4 years. He, like a lot of my friends, had no idea what happened behind closed doors. I started small with a few things about how she would lie all the time, even about trivial details. He was like okay, that doesn't mean she has something is mentally wrong with her. I of course go ahead and lay out the last 4 years and he can't believe it. "Okay, she is crazy and you are crazy if you want to stay." I reply "Well, I guess I am crazy because I still want her."

In the end, he had a hard time understanding the toll the relationship it has taken on me. "Oh, you just need to hook up with other girls he says." No, I don't. That is not going to help. I know this because I stupidly hooked up with a girl already and it felt terrible. Yes, It was satisfying in the moment, but after I felt worse. I just wasn't ready for that. The affection the cuddling. Way to familiar. I'm a pretty nice guy, so of course I mentioned beforehand to the girl that I am not ready for any kind of relationship. She of course wasn't either; however, she is not just leaving a BPD!

I had to try to make him understand that there is probably something wrong with me because of all the hurtful things that happened and the fact I was quick to forgive and forget.

I don't really have much of a question, just thought I would share. You guys understand the situation better than my best friends.

[robert4574]

It's unbelievable the hurt that I feel from this. I think it's finally sinking in. Does anyone else have a hard time working? I have never had that problem. Of course, I have a lot to do the next couple weeks, so I can't take time off or I definitely would. Suffice to say, I am having a pretty rough day and I went to one of my best friends to talk it out. Before arriving, I decided that I was going to tell him everything about the last 4 years. He, like a lot of my friends, had no idea what happened behind closed doors. I started small with a few things about how she would lie all the time, even about trivial details. He was like okay, that doesn't mean she has something is mentally wrong with her. I of course go ahead and lay out the last 4 years and he can't believe it. "Okay, she is crazy and you are crazy if you want to stay." I reply "Well, I guess I am crazy because I still want her."

In the end, he had a hard time understanding the toll the relationship it has taken on me. "Oh, you just need to hook up with other girls he says." No, I don't. That is not going to help. I know this because I stupidly hooked up with a girl already and it felt terrible. Yes, It was satisfying in the moment, but after I felt worse. I just wasn't ready for that. The affection the cuddling. Way to familiar. I'm a pretty nice guy, so of course I mentioned beforehand to the girl that I am not ready for any kind of relationship. She of course wasn't either; however, she is not just leaving a BPD!

I had to try to make him understand that there is probably something wrong with me because of all the hurtful things that happened and the fact I was quick to forgive and forget.

I don't really have much of a question, just thought I would share. You guys understand the situation better than my best friends.

[Blimblam]

Robert,

I had a terrible time working it had never been a problem unless I was reaching my physical limits or injured.  Friends and family do not understand at all they assume I am lazy and irresponsible. The only people that understand are those who have been their themselves or perhaps therapists with knowledge of how the disorder works.  Be very careful and set boundaries with family and friends because tye may be quick to invalidate you which can further trigger you.  

Also Robert I highly recommend reading all of the posts by the member 2010