weird thoughts.. please help.

[hurting300]

So my girlfriend is undiagnosed BPD. My therapist believes she is plus she meets the criteria. She moved out three months ago while I was at work. Before the flip, we text all day and talked, the night before was normal including sex... so why do I feel like it's all my fault? I actually feel like the abuser. I did lash out at her several times in the past. But I never lied to her, or hid friends of the other sex from her like she did me. I never gave her the silent treatment like, She did me. She only raged once at me. She was passive aggressive. So why do I feel so much guilt? It's been three months and not one word from her. Why don't she just tell me to get lost?

[enlighten me]

This is a story you will read over and over again on here.

The reason we feel guilt is because they project their guilt onto us. I never cheated on my exgf but somehow I was made to feel as if I had or was planning to. I now realise this was her projecting her guilt onto me for cheating.

We are also taken in by the mirroring. We want to believe everything they say as we see ourselves in them and as we wouldn't do something then they wouldn't because they are us. We are fighting ourselves and it doesn't make sense to us.

She wont tell you to get lost unless you really push her. You are now her safety net. Once she knows your not there for her then she will probably tell you to get lost.

[hurting300]

So it's normal for them to just disappear for months? She also changed her number and deactivated her Facebook. She never said (we're over)... plus my mom said she's slow rolled past our house a few times. I'm so confuse.

[enlighten me]

It appears to be normal behaviour.

The driving by seems to be that they wish to reconnect to you but are afraid to do so.

The running away also seems normal as you are the trigger for their guilt. They need to get away from what causes them the most anguish.

As for not finishing it Im going through this at the moment. My exgf wont cover the topic. She has avoided it at all costs. I might be wrong but it feels like she doesn't want to let go of me but cant be with me as she has done too much.

[hurting300]

So chances are she'll contact me in the future?

[enlighten me]

Yes there is a good chance that she will.

A word of warning though. Having been recycled by my ex wife it hurts more if they drop you again.

You need to think hard about what you are getting into. I wont tell you what you should do.

If you decide to make a go of it its not going to be a smooth ride.

Whatever you decide is your choice. We all understand how you feel.

You need to look out for yourself. Be treated as you would treat others.

[hurting300]

Thanks for your advise man. I'm just not sure anymore. It's been three months i don't she'll ever come back. Plus she has our baby. I regret coming down on her for not working and the lies but I had enough.

[enlighten me]

I was once told that whoever cares the least in a relationship holds all the power.

Those words couldn't be more true when it comes to BPD.

Look after yourself and do what is best for your kid. Don't ever let the child be used as a weapon in this.

[hurting300]

Oh I won't. Already have an attorney. She always had excuses for not working or having goals. Now I'm thinking she has a nice apartment new car and better guy. Did you ever think that?

[mitchell16]

hurting300, Its my bet she will contact you again, but as someone said already becareful what you wish for. Mine after about 6 months togther mine broke it off with me just about every 6 to 8 weeks. We would go silent, I would wait for the call with hope and dread at the same time. I would get the text and here we go again. I tried to stay away from her many times but each time she wore me down. Now 3 years later Here I am again. This was after about an 8 month break from her. I really thought I was done and I let her back in. and Guess what 6 to 8 weeks later again. So ive wasted 3 years of my life, no telling how much money, and almost sanity. For What? we are still not together. Not living the life I dreamed of. I was told on these boards what to expect and almost play for play it turned out just about how everyone told me it would. We did counsling, she didnt finsh. Nothing worked and the end result was the same.

Nobidy can tell you what you should or shouldnt do. Only you can do that. BUt I would think long and hard about not if that call comes in but when how are you going to deal with it. Cause if was like mine, I always thought her reching out for me wsa becasue she loved and maybe she did. But I would alway find out later once I jumped off into the recycle it was cause I was just filling a need. She was lonely, she was horny, she needed someone to help her move, she was having surgery and she needed a dependable caretake who didnt mind being inconvienced, she was stressed from work and I could make it better, the list goes on and on. BUt I never knew it until I was already back into the relationship and then I would find out the missing peices. I didnt care tho cause I thought she loved me. Not one time in 3 years was she ever their for me. Oh, she would talk about how she was or would be if I needed it or if a crowd of people was around she put on her show. BUt in the end, it was just a show. Im currentlu almost two week past NC she almost begged me bakc this time. I stood strong, it was hard and it was painful. BUt after 3 years adn no change I just could stand it anyore.

like i said I would bet she will call sometime but think about it long and hard. I wished I had.

[hurting300]

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. I do miss her. I just want to defend myself. This abandoning me and silent treatment is horrible. I just want my life and child back.