Any experience dating a BPD with kids?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I read an old post and came across this in regards to a BPD parent. One of the many things I struggle with his my feelings for his child, and also do thinking of him in terms of being a good father. Surely if he is a good dad, with a good and loving relationship with his daughter, he must not be so immersed in his illness that there isn't hope for a stable relationship. However he exhibited each of these below. Anyone have any experience with a BPD who had a child(ren) that were not yours, and did they have a healthy relationship with that child?

"The BPD mom may not be neglectful and abusive, but she creates emotional havoc for her kids in other ways.

1.  She  may be alienating to the dad, towards the father-figure(s), toward other adults in the child's life.  She keeps the kids away from dad (or father figures), she is highly critical of dad/father figures; she starts fights (often in front of the kids) with dad/father figures; she has a revolving door of men in the kids' lives; she exposes her kids to conflicts and comings and goings with the men in her life, including the biodad.   (He constantly spoke bitterly and negatively about his ex in front of his daughter, even if I tried to steer him off topic, didn't realize there was anything wrong with that)

2.  She can be overcontrolling and enmeshing.  Kids are an extension of her.  She is overprotective, often complaining of teachers, schools, friends, friend's parents, coaches, etc.  It can take different forms.  Sometimes the kid is "perfect":  Perfectly dressed, in the "best" schools, perfectly behaved, etc.  They are overprotective; the kids shouldn't get dirty, cold, shouldn't act silly, on and on.

Or the kids have no boundaries, no rules, no consequences... .whatever they do is o.k. with mom, no matter how lousy the behavior is.  Sometimes the moms sleep with the kids or they demand displays of affection from children when it is inappropriate.  In many ways,  they make it clear that mom's love is conditional.  They ask for words or displays of love.  They frequently ask for kisses, hugs, or "tell me that you love me".         (He often would share the bed with his daughter. She also decided what they'd have for dinner and what they would do each day)

3.  She doesn't allow her kids to be kids... .they become confidantes and caretakers of mom.  The kids seem mature beyond their age, and often others see this as a sign of good mothering... .but it isn't; she's just forcing the children into an adult role prematurely.  Most kids who are prematurely mature have emotional problems later in life.   It's the parent's job to mother the kids, not the other way around.  They ask the kids to bring them medications, buy them things, take care of them when they are ill.  The kids "feel" early on that they are responsible for mom.  Often, in a custody situation, the kids will say they want to stay with the sick mom... .not because this is the healthier relationship for them, but because they don't want to "abandon" mom. "    ( he treats his daughter and talks to her like an adult, also clearly labels that she is his best friend, keep in mind she under the age of 8)

[Tater tot]

I read an old post and came across this in regards to a BPD parent. One of the many things I struggle with his my feelings for his child, and also do thinking of him in terms of being a good father. Surely if he is a good dad, with a good and loving relationship with his daughter, he must not be so immersed in his illness that there isn't hope for a stable relationship. However he exhibited each of these below. Anyone have any experience with a BPD who had a child(ren) that were not yours, and did they have a healthy relationship with that child?

"The BPD mom may not be neglectful and abusive, but she creates emotional havoc for her kids in other ways.

1.  She  may be alienating to the dad, towards the father-figure(s), toward other adults in the child's life.  She keeps the kids away from dad (or father figures), she is highly critical of dad/father figures; she starts fights (often in front of the kids) with dad/father figures; she has a revolving door of men in the kids' lives; she exposes her kids to conflicts and comings and goings with the men in her life, including the biodad.   (He constantly spoke bitterly and negatively about his ex in front of his daughter, even if I tried to steer him off topic, didn't realize there was anything wrong with that)

2.  She can be overcontrolling and enmeshing.  Kids are an extension of her.  She is overprotective, often complaining of teachers, schools, friends, friend's parents, coaches, etc.  It can take different forms.  Sometimes the kid is "perfect":  Perfectly dressed, in the "best" schools, perfectly behaved, etc.  They are overprotective; the kids shouldn't get dirty, cold, shouldn't act silly, on and on.

Or the kids have no boundaries, no rules, no consequences... .whatever they do is o.k. with mom, no matter how lousy the behavior is.  Sometimes the moms sleep with the kids or they demand displays of affection from children when it is inappropriate.  In many ways,  they make it clear that mom's love is conditional.  They ask for words or displays of love.  They frequently ask for kisses, hugs, or "tell me that you love me".         (He often would share the bed with his daughter. She also decided what they'd have for dinner and what they would do each day)

3.  She doesn't allow her kids to be kids... .they become confidantes and caretakers of mom.  The kids seem mature beyond their age, and often others see this as a sign of good mothering... .but it isn't; she's just forcing the children into an adult role prematurely.  Most kids who are prematurely mature have emotional problems later in life.   It's the parent's job to mother the kids, not the other way around.  They ask the kids to bring them medications, buy them things, take care of them when they are ill.  The kids "feel" early on that they are responsible for mom.  Often, in a custody situation, the kids will say they want to stay with the sick mom... .not because this is the healthier relationship for them, but because they don't want to "abandon" mom. "    ( he treats his daughter and talks to her like an adult, also clearly labels that she is his best friend, keep in mind she under the age of 8)