Folks, I wanted to thank each and every one of you for your wise advices and sharing of your experiences and opinions.
After spending a few months around here I feel that I've made significant progress with my detachment and grief process and it's time for me to move on.
While still missing my uBPDxso I am able to remain NC with less pain, depression, anxiety, obsessive thinking and ruminations and I started a new, healthy relationship.
With that in mind, I'd really want to continue to contribute to others around here and to continue to learn from others as much as I can; however, at this stage, I feel like being here triggers me and pulls me back to the source of my pain from which I want to detach.
All in all, I need to take a vacation and focus on myself and my healing on my own.
Thank you so much for being here and being you!
There are so many good persons around here that are compassionate, loving, caring, wise, and vulnerable.
These traits, in many cases, were a major part of the attraction to our partners, that with their disordered personality, projected vulnerability and a genuine need to be helped and rescued.
This immensely strong and traumatic bond led to an unhealthy and pathological relationship that brought us (me, at least) to the verge of madness.
I see here also a lot of anger, blame, and hate of those who hurt us.
As much as I understand the anger phase in the grieving process I feel that in many cases pwBPD are being painted black and demonized unnecessarily and unfairly. This atmosphere is also one of the reasons driving me away unfortunately.
Like any other human beings, there is a lot of diversity within those who suffer from a borderline personality disorder. Some are indeed evil, some are not. Some have more empathy, some less. I believe that this also depends on how much they are triggered or split or dissociated or whatever they are going through. In any case blaming the other doesn't release us from the need to take responsibility over ourselves and our healing process. This is hard. Forgiving, letting go, and focusing on myself. I think that was the gist of my detaching process.
So with peace and love, goodbye to all for now.
I'm pretty sure I'll come visit from time to time
If you want to keep in touch, please contact me with a private message and we can continue over email.
Take care.
