uBPDex not following court orders

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My SO's uBPDex for the second year in a row now has not made her financial disclosures on time. Last year she "filed an extension" on her taxes. Did she provide an estimate? No. 

My SO cannot afford an attorney so last year he filed his own motion, the court date was set for after the October tax deadline (5 months after disclosures were due per court order) and the day before court she shows up with her "tax return".  It should be noted that this woman has not filed her taxes in over 10 years and the tax return she gave my SO had the wrong SS# for one of their daughters.  Do you think the IRS will accept an inaccurate SS# on a tax return? No.

She listed her alimony ($1,200 per mo) as her only income but somehow sent one daughter to Europe ($10,000 Trip) and the other daughter to a month of camp in another state ($5,000).  My SO questioned the accuracy of the "tax return" she provided but because he filed his own motion and only asked for the tax return the judge basically said you got what you asked for and did not pursue the accuracy of what she provided. So for this fake un-filed tax return my SO had to shell out a couple hundred dollars. (court fees/process server)

This year we are in the same boat it's July still no financial disclosure (she said she sent them, he never got them, she'd give them to their daughter to pass on... .still waiting  )... .in addition to a tax return we should also be receiving pay check stubs. This year she has plunked down $25,000 for college for 1 daughter and $5,000 for camp again on the other daughter.  (By the way SO and I have no problem with her spending money on the kids - just want accurate information)  In addition to not submitting financial disclosures she is also responsible for the kids therapy per court order.  The older daughter has completed therapy but the younger one made suicidal threats at the beginning of the year and was hospitalized for 2 weeks and then shortly after that made threats again.  This child has gone to about 2 therapy appointments since the second threat over 2 months ago.  My SO is watching the daughter closely and giving the ex rope to hang herself.

We would like to go back to court but after last time we want to be sure to properly ask for what we want... .financial disclosure and therapy decision making.

Has anyone done this type of thing on their own without an attorney?  Do you have suggestions on how we could approach this?

Thanks for your help 

[Panda39]

My SO's uBPDex for the second year in a row now has not made her financial disclosures on time. Last year she "filed an extension" on her taxes. Did she provide an estimate? No. 

My SO cannot afford an attorney so last year he filed his own motion, the court date was set for after the October tax deadline (5 months after disclosures were due per court order) and the day before court she shows up with her "tax return".  It should be noted that this woman has not filed her taxes in over 10 years and the tax return she gave my SO had the wrong SS# for one of their daughters.  Do you think the IRS will accept an inaccurate SS# on a tax return? No.

She listed her alimony ($1,200 per mo) as her only income but somehow sent one daughter to Europe ($10,000 Trip) and the other daughter to a month of camp in another state ($5,000).  My SO questioned the accuracy of the "tax return" she provided but because he filed his own motion and only asked for the tax return the judge basically said you got what you asked for and did not pursue the accuracy of what she provided. So for this fake un-filed tax return my SO had to shell out a couple hundred dollars. (court fees/process server)

This year we are in the same boat it's July still no financial disclosure (she said she sent them, he never got them, she'd give them to their daughter to pass on... .still waiting  )... .in addition to a tax return we should also be receiving pay check stubs. This year she has plunked down $25,000 for college for 1 daughter and $5,000 for camp again on the other daughter.  (By the way SO and I have no problem with her spending money on the kids - just want accurate information)  In addition to not submitting financial disclosures she is also responsible for the kids therapy per court order.  The older daughter has completed therapy but the younger one made suicidal threats at the beginning of the year and was hospitalized for 2 weeks and then shortly after that made threats again.  This child has gone to about 2 therapy appointments since the second threat over 2 months ago.  My SO is watching the daughter closely and giving the ex rope to hang herself.

We would like to go back to court but after last time we want to be sure to properly ask for what we want... .financial disclosure and therapy decision making.

Has anyone done this type of thing on their own without an attorney?  Do you have suggestions on how we could approach this?

Thanks for your help 

[DreamGirl]

Why does she have to provide them yearly?

[Panda39]

Court ordered. 

Last night she supplied my SO with tax extension paperwork (the original - just sat down and filled one out for his benefit) again like last year she's not filed anything and is dragging her feet again.

Looks like my honey might be heading back to court again but will no doubt receive a fake return just before court.

She is also now saying she works for a petroleum company in the Seychelles   Last year she was a logistics coordinator for a production company in Hollywood   (She doesn't drive and can't even coordinate therapy appointments for her kids!) Have I told you that she is a con artist and is always in the middle of a huge deal where she will make millions on Tuesday and is living in a hotel because she's been evicted 3 times and has no one left that will take her in. Sorry I digress... .venting.

We know she is hiding income.  Wants her cake (alimony) and to eat it (own income) too.

My SO is also keeping track of therapy visits for his younger daughter.  She is at camp right now so that is temporarily a moot point, but this is the more serious issue.

Thanks for responding.  We would just like to get the D13 to regular therapy and get the truth on uBPDex's financial situation.  (And honestly I'm becoming very cynical about our legal system... .where's Perry Mason when you need him   )

[livednlearned]

Has anyone done this type of thing on their own without an attorney?  Do you have suggestions on how we could approach this?

This might be helpful: www.selfhelpsupport.org/

Your state probably publishes a pro se litigant guide too. You can also use Google Scholar for free to search case law: www.scholar.google.com/

If you are near a law school, there may be a law librarian you can ask for help too. And the clerk of court and county website will also be helpful.

There is also a software project called A2J that you can download -- it's to help you file documents correctly. It started in Illinois, but I think it's compatible with other states. www.a2jauthor.org/drupal/?q=node/123

[DreamGirl]

I understand that it's court ordered ---- I just wonder the significance?

Is it to determine a change in support?

Or is it just informational?

Yearly exchanges of financial information could be a pretty exhausting endeavor when the co-parenting relationship is strained.

[ForeverDad]

A few years ago I received in the mail a computer printout from the IRS of a tax filing from a few years before when my ex and I had filed jointly.  It was a stack of pages.  I wondered if my ex's lawyer had requested it but it was mailed to my address.  She never asked me for it and I never volunteered it.  My point is that IRS records can be requested, probably there's a fee for it, the question is how to get the authority to make the requests.  Wouldn't it be something to get replies from IRS that they have nothing on file for her in recent years?  Of course, family court doesn't care whether she actually files or not, but they should be concerned enough to get credible information.  (Yeah, right.  )

So as the others asked, what is the purpose for the records?  Is this to determine whether the alimony changes or who gets the dependent deductions and credits when filing tax forms with IRS?  If ex is never filing then you ought to be able to get the deductions or credits even if you have to split part of the benefits with her.

[Panda39]

I understand that it's court ordered ---- I just wonder the significance?

Is it to determine a change in support?

Or is it just informational?

Yearly exchanges of financial information could be a pretty exhausting endeavor when the co-parenting relationship is strained.

I believe it's informational but we are interested in it for a possible change in alimony (Not sure if we want to fight that fight or not - she will surely become "unemployed" if we do)

[Panda39]

Has anyone done this type of thing on their own without an attorney?  Do you have suggestions on how we could approach this?

This might be helpful: www.selfhelpsupport.org/

Your state probably publishes a pro se litigant guide too. You can also use Google Scholar for free to search case law: www.scholar.google.com/

If you are near a law school, there may be a law librarian you can ask for help too. And the clerk of court and county website will also be helpful.

There is also a software project called A2J that you can download -- it's to help you file documents correctly. It started in Illinois, but I think it's compatible with other states. www.a2jauthor.org/drupal/?q=node/123

Thank you for the info.  I will share with my honey any help he can get to correctly file with the court is so helpful.

[Boss302]

A few years ago I received in the mail a computer printout from the IRS of a tax filing from a few years before when my ex and I had filed jointly.  It was a stack of pages.  I wondered if my ex's lawyer had requested it but it was mailed to my address.  She never asked me for it and I never volunteered it.  My point is that IRS records can be requested, probably there's a fee for it, the question is how to get the authority to make the requests.  Wouldn't it be something to get replies from IRS that they have nothing on file for her in recent years?  Of course, family court doesn't care whether she actually files or not, but they should be concerned enough to get credible information.  (Yeah, right.  )

So as the others asked, what is the purpose for the records?  Is this to determine whether the alimony changes or who gets the dependent deductions and credits when filing tax forms with IRS?  If ex is never filing then you ought to be able to get the deductions or credits even if you have to split part of the benefits with her.

You can actually go to the IRS website and order copies of your transcripts on line for free. All you need to know is your SSN and the address that was on the filed return. The transcript is then mailed to that address. My bet is your ex went on and did that - she'd know your identifying info.

[DreamGirl]

I understand that it's court ordered ---- I just wonder the significance?

Is it to determine a change in support?

Or is it just informational?

Yearly exchanges of financial information could be a pretty exhausting endeavor when the co-parenting relationship is strained.

I believe it's informational but we are interested in it for a possible change in alimony (Not sure if we want to fight that fight or not - she will surely become "unemployed" if we do)

So, the reason I ask all of this is simply because "picking your battles" can sometimes be an artform.

When my husband's ex-wife took on a new job and the hubs asked her how much she would be making ---- she replied with "it's none of your business". Well... .technically it is. And technically she had to provide the information. And technically he was OK with the child support. So he figured as to what difference did it really make ---- and was the cost of legally intervening worth the reduction in child support (if it was even warranted)? My husband's court order also states he needs to carry a life insurance policy on his ex-wife. It's not financially beneficial (she's more of a liability then an asset), so he doesn't follow the order. It wouldn't make any sense for her to enforce it (or care) so it's just let go.

So I guess my question is why push it?

She's OK with lying. You've established that (the numbers don't add up). Is there a benefit financially to argue it?  It also looks like she's providing the kids with some pretty great experiences (trips to Europe, camps, college). Complaining might make all of that stop so she can prove that she is impoverished.

It sounds like the main concern is the therapy? That might be what I'd focus all my energy on?

I say all this because I think he's fighting a fruitless fight-----that will cost you far more (emotionally and legally) in the end.  How long until the alimony is done?  

I actually started embracing the abilities of my husband's ex-wife to always figure out a way to pay/get that which she can not afford. The only time I got frustrated was the times that she was dishonest to the point it cost my family monetarily (i.e like demanding reimbursement for lunch money when the kids received free lunches through the school district). That's where the limits and boundaries come in.

She has a different value system then I do. I believe in honesty and working for my dollar. She doesn't.

I can't impose my values on her no more then she can impose hers on mine. I can't control how she conducts herself.

So if your SO ex's financial situation isn't really affecting you? Is there a way to just let her do her thing?

[Panda39]

I understand that it's court ordered ---- I just wonder the significance?

Is it to determine a change in support?

Or is it just informational?

Yearly exchanges of financial information could be a pretty exhausting endeavor when the co-parenting relationship is strained.

I believe it's informational but we are interested in it for a possible change in alimony (Not sure if we want to fight that fight or not - she will surely become "unemployed" if we do)

So, the reason I ask all of this is simply because "picking your battles" can sometimes be an artform.

So I guess my question is why push it?

Your right it is about picking the battles and the financial disclosures may not be one to fight over.  And I will also confess that lying is a huge "hot button" for me.  I also find it very frustrating that my SO can do very little "fun stuff" with his kids because it all goes out to the ex.  He meets their "needs" which frankly is more important but it would be nice if he could meet some of their "wants" too once in awhile.

It sounds like the main concern is the therapy? That might be what I'd focus all my energy on?

Yes, Therapy is the real concern my SO already has decision making for Medical, Dental, and Education and will continue to watch this.

My thinking was if my SO is going back to court regarding the therapy then why not kill two birds with one stone... .but maybe not