Forgiveness

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am ready.

I am ready to forgive. Let it ALL go. Never revisit it.

I threw him out this week.

The divorce was final June 17, but he was staying here until the house sold (financial reasons).

I can't take his presence anymore.

I am ready to forgive. Totally, completely, Biblically.

Does anyone have any recommendations, books, videos, classes?

[going places]

I am ready.

I am ready to forgive. Let it ALL go. Never revisit it.

I threw him out this week.

The divorce was final June 17, but he was staying here until the house sold (financial reasons).

I can't take his presence anymore.

I am ready to forgive. Totally, completely, Biblically.

Does anyone have any recommendations, books, videos, classes?

[maternal]

Write it all down.  Write a letter to everyone who's ever done you wrong, including your ex.  Write it out, be specific.  Try not to write from a place of persecution, but of understanding - if you can.  And then burn it.  The hardest part of this for me was to write the portion to my ex and forgive him for not seeking the help that he needs / can get for this sh!itty disorder.  This, his denial of diagnosis and lack of treatment in the wake of all the pain that he knows he causes, is the most difficult part for me to forgive.  This portion of the letter may have to be re-written a few times before I am able to get the words correct enough so that it sticks. 

Do the same thing with yourself.  Write a letter to yourself, forgiving yourself for every insecurity, every egregious mistake, everything about yourself that you tell yourself you don't like.  Write it.  Cry through it, really dig deep, but get it all out on paper.  And then burn it.  And look yourself in the mirror every morning, and forgive yourself.  Don't get all long and drawn out here, just maintain eye contact with yourself and say "I forgive you." 

For me, this helps because it is all me doing the work.  It doesn't need a therapist to tell me what to say, or anyone else to, sort-of, do any portion of this work for me.  I do every part of this myself, for myself, and for me, it empowers me to do more of the difficult healing work myself as well. 

[cosmonaut]

I don't have an resources to recommend, but I like Maternal's idea of writing a letter.  Not a letter you ever need to send, but one to express your forgiveness.  That might have a way of making it more real.

Ultimately, if you have forgive your ex in your heart, I believe that is all that really matters.