Ex got married, it's been about a year

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all it's been a while. Update, I'm doing well living with friends, have a solid career, working out, and been dating. Life is good, I haven't been thinking about my ex or talking about her in a long time. Some dreams pop up now and again that's about it. We were together about 3 years and then the usual disappearing act (without going into too much detail). Any who... .It's been a year and just heard through a friend she got engaged. I'm not sure what to feel. I'm a mix of sorrow, happy for her, and confused. I'm just looking for someone to relate to and hearing your stories. Family of course says the usual you're in a better place and the new guy has his work cut out. But I still have that scar on me for some reason.

Thank you

[jollygreen]

Hi all it's been a while. Update, I'm doing well living with friends, have a solid career, working out, and been dating. Life is good, I haven't been thinking about my ex or talking about her in a long time. Some dreams pop up now and again that's about it. We were together about 3 years and then the usual disappearing act (without going into too much detail). Any who... .It's been a year and just heard through a friend she got engaged. I'm not sure what to feel. I'm a mix of sorrow, happy for her, and confused. I'm just looking for someone to relate to and hearing your stories. Family of course says the usual you're in a better place and the new guy has his work cut out. But I still have that scar on me for some reason.

Thank you

[Tausk]

Oh Jolly.  I'm so sorry for your pain.  I've been dealing with the same.  My ex recently married the guy she had been cultivating while we were together.  I introduced them.  They had their first date at my house while we were still together.  She moved 100 miles to be here with him.  And I had to find all of this on my own because she's too ashamed to even let me know.

But it still hurts like hell.  There's still limerence. There's still stockholm syndrome with PTSD.  And there's still the incongruence of trying to assign rationale decision making and actions to my ex who in reality is Bat Sh-t Crazy.  

And although I know she's not a sociopath in the definitive sense, her actions were absolutely sociopathic and by most standards immoral.

So I understand the scar.   We all have them.

But I'm recovering.  I know that my replacement actually save me.  That I dodged a bullet.  Long term involvement with my ex would have killed me, but not before torturing my soul for a lifetime.

But it still hurts.  So I've had to do so additional soul searching.  I've had to examine what it is that really hurts.  Why I grieve so poorly. Why is my ego and false self so ashamed... .

And in my explorations and honest evaluations, I'm coming through to the otherside.  I'm finding myself and finding gratitude that I got out early.  And instead of letting the wound fester and gangrene itself through my soul.  I'm letting the wound heal.  Yes there's a scar.  But it's a scar from growing pains.  And instead of leading me to anger, despair and bitterness, the scar simply reminds me that I an human, that I will be wounded at times, but that I also have the capacity to heal, grow and become the person that I always wanted to be.

The scar is just a reminder of my once carried false self, and brings me joy to know that I have shed much of that false self and let the core self shine.  

By the honesty, strength and interrity in your post, I have faith that you'll get where you always wanted to be.  We are walking on the right path.  We will be given the gifts from traveling that path.

In support

T  

[jollygreen]

Hey Tausk, thanks for sharing your experience. I was fortunate enough to get out and delete all connections with my ex so I don't know who she's with or what the whole deal is. I just know through my friends, wish they didn't tell me stuff like that. But maybe knowing she got married will be the final turn of the key to forget and move on, so it's a good thing. I'm sorry that you knew the guy she's now with and saw it go on. That's kind of a slap in the face, but goes along with the boundaryless-ness of their personality. I'm currently with a girl that is amazing and treats me great, I'm beside myself because I didn't have this in my last relationship and do not know how to take it. It's funny that things are better and my ex is still on my mind. But I see the people on here that did get married and their situations, no offense, and do think the bullet was dodged just like everyone says.

[Frankcostello]

Hey Tausk, thanks for sharing your experience. I was fortunate enough to get out and delete all connections with my ex so I don't know who she's with or what the whole deal is. I just know through my friends, wish they didn't tell me stuff like that. But maybe knowing she got married will be the final turn of the key to forget and move on, so it's a good thing. I'm sorry that you knew the guy she's now with and saw it go on. That's kind of a slap in the face, but goes along with the boundaryless-ness of their personality. I'm currently with a girl that is amazing and treats me great, I'm beside myself because I didn't have this in my last relationship and do not know how to take it. It's funny that things are better and my ex is still on my mind. But I see the people on here that did get married and their situations, no offense, and do think the bullet was dodged just like everyone says.

If I heard that my exBPDgf was engaged I would be buying her fiancé the first round.  I would be more than happy that it was someone else marrying her and glad it wasn't me.  She is his problem now. 

[hurting300]

Guys trust me, this new guy is in for it. Just you wait, pretty soon those guys she left you for will be on here crying like we are. We just need to realize better women are out there. Leave the psycho alone and let her wreck a new life. I pray mine comes back because I'm going too ruin her. That's harsh but it has to be done.

[Huh?]

Well, I found out my crazy uBPD ex fiance from four years ago, who was constantly accusing me of cheating on her, trying to control me, demanding I make more money, and I could never make happy... .got married to the guy she started seeing immediately after ending it with me and cutting me off... .and she has everything that she wanted that I couldnt give her, big house, money, etc.

So yeah, thats awesome.  Kinda makes it hard to believe in karma... .and also makes me wonder how somebody with "BPD" can even get married... .considering they have commitment issues.  The only thing that I can think of, at least I want to believe is that this guy is more passive than I am... .and that is why the relationship works?  Who knows, all I know is from the outside everything looks great... .but I know it has to be hell.  People dont change.