rage, push, rage, push

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

6 weeks after the first rage, chasing me, threatening, demanding money, there's been a range of controlling, abusive behaviour.  Full blown silent treatment, mind you on both sides, smashing of beer glasses, lobing empty cans. Then there's drawing huge sum of money, leaving the saucepan on a burner which could've started a fire, dumping all my clothes in the spare room and him removing his wedding ring.  He avoids me most of the time, not always though.

It's the most extreme behaviour in 20 years. I feel detached. When this level of mood hits, what's your experience of the intention behind the actions?  Is it an an abandonment test, or him wanting to leave. He says he won't leave the house, mind you that was weeks ago.

[Tyrwhitt]

6 weeks after the first rage, chasing me, threatening, demanding money, there's been a range of controlling, abusive behaviour.  Full blown silent treatment, mind you on both sides, smashing of beer glasses, lobing empty cans. Then there's drawing huge sum of money, leaving the saucepan on a burner which could've started a fire, dumping all my clothes in the spare room and him removing his wedding ring.  He avoids me most of the time, not always though.

It's the most extreme behaviour in 20 years. I feel detached. When this level of mood hits, what's your experience of the intention behind the actions?  Is it an an abandonment test, or him wanting to leave. He says he won't leave the house, mind you that was weeks ago.

[neverloveagain]

Hi i cant quite relate to your situation my BPDexgf was waif so she never raged outwards at me but rather at herself. What i get is from your post is she never understood herself or her feelings or why i would stay with her as she knew she was unstable, she hated that she didnt know who she was therefore hated me for trying to know her stranger. If that makes sense. She had no love for herself therefore i was bad for loving her as she was very confusing try and take care 

[Tausk]

6 weeks after the first rage, chasing me, threatening, demanding money, there's been a range of controlling, abusive behaviour.  Full blown silent treatment, mind you on both sides, smashing of beer glasses, lobing empty cans. Then there's drawing huge sum of money, leaving the saucepan on a burner which could've started a fire, dumping all my clothes in the spare room and him removing his wedding ring.  He avoids me most of the time, not always though.

It's the most extreme behaviour in 20 years. I feel detached. When this level of mood hits, what's your experience of the intention behind the actions?  Is it an an abandonment test, or him wanting to leave. He says he won't leave the house, mind you that was weeks ago.

It could be almost anything, including sensing that you are not longer attached as deeply as you once were.  If triggered the abandoned child mode in a pwBPD can do most anything.

I'm a bit confused.  Are you leaving, or undecided, or staying.  Because you will get very different responses on the different board. 

Here on the Leaving Board, I suggest not spending so much time thinking about him, but rather develop an exit strategy as soon as possible. 

Do you have children together?  Are you safe to leave? 

[Tyrwhitt]

I'm in leaving mode, I can't see a way forward. No children, but I don't start a new job til Sept and I'm trying to find the calmest route out that doesn't threaten my safety or those close to me. I fear all sorts of reactions from him stalking, burning the house, and huge court expenses if he refuses to leave the house. I guess I'm hoping he'll tire of the situation and particularly in the winter, he's often wanted to move away from here.

Maybe that sounds weak.