Hi I'm sassy and have been dating a BPD that ended very badly

[sassy67]

I hope to get support on here and to be able to get advice about taking him back or letting it go. When it was good it was wonderful, I was the plight of his life but when it was bad it was pur touture.

[patientandclear]

Hi Sassy:

You posted earlier that you fear for your life with him and that he very recently seriously injured you. Carrying on with this r/ship under those circumstances, you have to expect that will continue.

What's making you ambivalent about leaving? I'm a survivor of physical abuse too (not with the man who brought me to these boards) and I stayed for quite a while. Not wanting to abandon him, hoping he would make changes I thought he should make ... .

I had a hard time giving up on him and on us. So I completely get that it is hard to leave. What are your hesitations about leaving?

[sassy67]

He has some very good qualities, he's loving, caring, affectionate, attentive in every way and 90% of the the he adores me but I'm not perfect and sometimes he get made at me and flies in a rage. His last rage nearly severed my tongue. I am afraid of him but I also miss him at the same time. Also, I don't think ppl with mental disorders should just be thrown away and locked up they need help. But deep down inside the fear of him hurting or killing me next time is just as strong as the deep love I feel for him. I'm so confused and really need help. Can't afford a therapist right now. So I'm hoping you guys can help me figure this out.

Sassy

[woodsposse]

But deep down inside the fear of him hurting or killing me next time is just as strong as the deep love I feel for him.

Ask yourself... .do I want to be loved - or do I want to be hurt (or dead)?

Sorry to be so blunt - but you have a choice here.

[sassy67]

Well of course the answer is I want to be loved but I have for him that he will get better with the right treatment. I just love and miss him so much. The more time goes by the less I remember the painful times and the more I remember the wonderful times.