Birthday Blues

[Artisan]

My birthday was a few days ago. My phone battery died, the phone is just old and has real issues.

When I get the chance to repower my phone there is a slew of texts from my ex.

It just goes downhill, from why she loves me to how I didn't appreciate her or love her or treat her well or anything like that.

To how she is moving on.

To how she has to heal from all the pain of our relationship over the last year ... .

I am really f**king pissed off when I read all this.

Seriously considering getting a new phone number when I get a new phone.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Artisan,

My suggestion is not to take that stuff to heart, which is what she's counting on.  She's trying to knock you off balance and provoke a reaction, in my view.  Don't allow her messages to hit home.  If you don't take the poison internally, it is harmless.

LuckyJim

[Artisan]

Thanks Jim.

It already got to me.  :'(

[Vexed]

I feel for you.  Those messages are so difficult.  Always makes.me.want to formulate the perfect response than after all that logical thinking you realise no matter what you say their mind will twist it however they need to get what they want.  It's so hard and I can't do it yet but the only right response is no response. 

[Traumatized]

Happy Birthday!  I'm sorry she said those mean things to you.  How appropriate to try to hurt you on your birthday, but at least you didn't get those messages until after it was over.  I think you're right that getting a new phone and number might help things.

Last year on my birthday I was so desperate to see my ex that I begged her to meet up with me.  She agreed to meet me at her favorite local bar.  I was so excited!  At the bar she made a big scene and screamed at me in the bathroom.  Then she left me to go have sex with a drug dealer.  She said it was all my fault because the very sight of my face had triggered her.  In the wee morning hours she texted me as many mean spirited texts as possible and to top it off, I got pulled over by the cops and was given a moving violation ticket (thank God I hadn't been drinking).  Happy Birthday to me .

[Artisan]

She'd flip out if she knew I had met somebody and had an amazing day with another woman.

One who doesn't scream at me.

Who laughs at my jokes.

Who doesn't think I am perfect. Just fascinated by my talents and approach to life.

One who comes from a loving family, and I met her family and have been accepted into the fold.

It sucks because I am waiting for (programmed) that the shizzle will hit the fan ; waiting for some backlash at having done something wrong (that isn't wrong) ... .

BPDs are screwy, and even once out of ones life, their footprints stay for a while.

I hope for cleansing water, like ocean waves, to wash those footprints from my beach.

It is a HUGE GINORMOUS MASTADON SIZE CLUE to how damaging the BPD relationship was when I meet somebody and feel so easy and natural with them, and they feel the same.

It shows me how much healing is to be done when I still feel anxiety and fear, and not triggered by her, but by my own self and history.