I broke NC

[camuse]

So I couldn't take it any more. After two months of silence I had to know she had actually happened. I felt so dreadful today. I knew it was the wrong thing but I texted her simply asking how she was. A few messages back and forth perfectly civil. Then another arrived asking how I was doing. I replied I'm doing great - a lie of course - and I'm glad she is too. The reply was very blunt. She was clearly annoyed at the thought of me being happy now. I replied saying I was glad of the happy times wed had just to see if shed reciprocate. She replied "yeah OK well see you around". I know it was a huge risk but I realised for sure, she isn't happy and she doesn't wish me happiness. She wants me to feel as miserable as her. I actually think this interaction was useful. She still doesn't care about my feelings and never did. She didn't love me. I still feel dreadful but I know she didn't deserve my Iove. I just wish my heart would catch up with my head and believe the truth instead of the huge lie.

[no_ordinary]

Hey camuse, i know how are you feeling. i'm in the same s hit, after 5 days of NC.

what i would like to know is how the pwBPD acts when she/he founds out that ex is dating or is happy again?

if anyone has some experience, please, feel free... .

[camuse]

She thinks I'm dating. I'm not. She said "I hear you are happy now" alluding to this. She's not happy nor happy for me. Part of me is glad. I did nothing wrong to her and she destroyed us. She doesn't deserve to just move on and I'm glad she hasn't. She's moves cities. Running away. But she can't run from herself. I know she's I'll and in turmoil but she destroyed me. I don't wish her well if I'm honest and it was good to learn she's still bitter and miserable. Totally self absorbed. Shame on me for loving her. And I still do. Lord knows why.

[no_ordinary]

she will never have peace, dont delude yourself thinking oposite. mine has a small child also. she is total ___ed up thing, but i still love her, just like you love yours. i know i have some problem, but i will heal myself, just like u will too.

[amigo]

Well, here I am, joining you guys.

I have been given ST by the uBPD/NPDexbf for 3 weeks, after our first lukewarm recycle. A week ago, I decided to go N/C, but it wasn't real N/C, since I didn't block his e-mail or phone number. Sure enough, today, after 3 weeks of silence I get the text "how are you". Doubtlessly him just reaching out to see if I am still game for a night of fun. The strange thing is, yesterday, I was so very tempted to contact him, more than I had been in a long time. I didn't, but it really seems as though he could sense it and that's why I heard from him today.

So I broke the N/C, because I texted him back "I'm ok, how are you". I am sure he was hoping for something more enthusiastic, but I am trying to preserve my dignity and maybe, just maybe, stay at least LC if not NC.

Camuse, I think your response was great. We are just normal, caring people, rational and civil. I will try to keep my interaction with the ex like that. Of course she assumes you are screwing every female in town, because how else could you be happy? Clearly she needs to feel miserable and jealous about you being happy. Good for you that you didn't give in and get on your proverbial knees and ask to see her. It's ok to break N/C, like everyone says, it's a process.

I'm cutting myself some slack too.

Yes, no_ordinary, we will heal ourselves. That's why we are here!

[Caredverymuch]

She thinks I'm dating. I'm not. She said "I hear you are happy now" alluding to this. She's not happy nor happy for me. Part of me is glad. I did nothing wrong to her and she destroyed us. She doesn't deserve to just move on and I'm glad she hasn't. She's moves cities. Running away. But she can't run from herself. I know she's I'll and in turmoil but she destroyed me. I don't wish her well if I'm honest and it was good to learn she's still bitter and miserable. Totally self absorbed. Shame on me for loving her. And I still do. Lord knows why.

Came, I am sorry for you. Its very difficult to figure this dynamic out, isn't it? The disorder is so deeply rooted. When all the majority of those here who break NC feel is caring and missing of someone they shared a great deal with. 

The one thing that has helped me maintain NC was reading here.  I shared all the feelings we all have of deeply missing and wishing to talk to the only person who could provide me with relief.  But, I concluded after reading hundreds of threads here that I had yet to fall upon one that gave me any indication reintroducing contact would work out the way we wished.

You are a good person and better than this. As we all are here. Everyone reading this.  YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.  We are never going to find our well deserved happiness by gadging it on their perceived happiness.  They are not happy people.  They never will be. Know that.

But. You can be.

Keep walking forward with the family here and focus on your own self care.

[camuse]

Well just after posting a mutual acquaintance told me she has a new guy. No surprise. I knew she would. Its what they do and why she hasn't been in touch. And I don't envy him. But its still upsetting. She just moved on just like that. I'm still heartbroken. I know that's how they work.and in a way it confirms my knowledge of her disorder. But still. It saddens me. Declaring lifetime love 2 months ago and now idealising another. I have to stick to NC forever. She doesn't know love.

[Caredverymuch]

Well just after posting a mutual acquaintance told me she has a new guy. No surprise. I knew she would. Its what they do and why she hasn't been in touch. And I don't envy him. But its still upsetting. She just moved on just like that. I'm still heartbroken. I know that's how they work.and in a way it confirms my knowledge of her disorder. But still. It saddens me. Declaring lifetime love 2 months ago and now idealising another. I have to stick to NC forever. She doesn't know love.

No she does not came. She only knows need.  Yes it adds horrible hurt learning they substitute so quickly.  While we who DO know love, grieve. 

You have not been replaced.  None of here could ever be replaced. We are good, giving, loving, genuine ppl.  No one can replace you. Me. Any of us.   

These subsequent victims are unknowing substitutes. They will end up here with us in six months too, perhaps.

And, see how " happy" she is with her life now? She sure sounded happy from your first post here.

Shes not.  Shes empty. Shes deeply disordered. And ppl are objects that provide need.

Give yourself a hug. Keep moving forward with the many here. Fall 53 times and get up 54. It gets better.  They do not.

[camuse]

Thank you so much for your wise words.

[Caredverymuch]

Thank you so much for your wise words.

My friend, we walk together here on this board.

Please dont go back for more. It gets worse every time. How I wish I had known what I know now.  So very grateful for what I have learned here.

You know, take a look at the subject lines of every thread here on this board. When I am hurting, I simply do just that.  Then I ask myself; would I REALLY want that to be my life? Bc it would be our life if we were not fortunate enough to be out of that interaction.

Its a process.  The learning. The healing. The self love. The reconstructing of the person which we are. 

Does it help you to remember the anxiety, hurt and confusion we endured during so much of that interaction?   Does it help you to ask; is that how " love" really works?

You have to believe as I do that this is for a reason. We cant see it clearly right now.  But, we are fortunate to not be in that trauma bonded toxic interaction any longer.

We truly are.

[camuse]

Well it was risky and unwise, but breaking NC turned out to be very successful. It has given me a feeling of closure which I was missing. Only a few weeks ago, before I stopped responding, she said she still loved me, will always love me and can't bear the thought of life without me. Now she has a new partner. Not dating, a new partner. A couple. Its easy to feel sad about that, that I am here alone, lonely, discarded while she is having another honeymoon period. but actually I'm glad - normal people don't move on like that. Of course he's just the necessary replacement, being used just as I was. If he falls for her, a very bleak future is all he has to look forward to. The coldness of her responses confirmed I am now black. Normal people don't go from love to hate in a few short weeks. It was a disorder, I knew it anyway, but seeing it confirmed has enabled me to finally put it all behind me for good in my mind.

Today I remembers one thing she said towards the end. "Everything was amazing, and then I fell in love with you and things just got so complicated." Of course they did. I was special. I triggered intimacy. How sad for her that that meant she had to discard me. Now she is having crazy sex - I know it will be crazy from experience! - with someone she hardly knows and doesn't have feelings for. Much easier for her. I hope that poor guy doesn't fall for her, he is playing with fire and has no clue.

[amigo]

Well it was risky and unwise, but breaking NC turned out to be very successful. It has given me a feeling of closure which I was missing. Only a few weeks ago, before I stopped responding, she said she still loved me, will always love me and can't bear the thought of life without me. Now she has a new partner. Not dating, a new partner. A couple. Its easy to feel sad about that, that I am here alone, lonely, discarded while she is having another honeymoon period. but actually I'm glad - normal people don't move on like that. Of course he's just the necessary replacement, being used just as I was. If he falls for her, a very bleak future is all he has to look forward to. The coldness of her responses confirmed I am now black. Normal people don't go from love to hate in a few short weeks. It was a disorder, I knew it anyway, but seeing it confirmed has enabled me to finally put it all behind me for good in my mind.

Today I remembers one thing she said towards the end. "Everything was amazing, and then I fell in love with you and things just got so complicated." Of course they did. I was special. I triggered intimacy. How sad for her that that meant she had to discard me. Now she is having crazy sex - I know it will be crazy from experience! - with someone she hardly knows and doesn't have feelings for. Much easier for her. I hope that poor guy doesn't fall for her, he is playing with fire and has no clue.

Hey camuse, I find that statement of hers so true, that everything was amazing until she fell in love. My ex also started to hate me after I "made him" fall in love with me. What a sick, twisted state of existence!

I actually also feel that breaking NC has helped me, more than it harmed me this time. It was a great reminder of who this sadistic, selfish, user person really is, and that he is NOT the loving, sweet person I remember in my heart. I am glad you can take this and let it help you with closure. You are so right: a normal person does not go from love to hate in a few short weeks (and love again with a new person in that same short time).

I just sent a birthday wish to my Non-BPD ex from 4 years ago, and thought about how different that breakup was. We both knew it was over, but spent hours crying in each other's arms and comforting each other, and then moved on. And we still wish each other well 4 years later. And it was not an easy breakup, but so DIFFERENT!

Hang in there. Feel the sadness. And know that the outcome was inevitable, because she is ill. YOU will move on!

[Caredverymuch]

Well it was risky and unwise, but breaking NC turned out to be very successful. It has given me a feeling of closure which I was missing. Only a few weeks ago, before I stopped responding, she said she still loved me, will always love me and can't bear the thought of life without me. Now she has a new partner. Not dating, a new partner. A couple. Its easy to feel sad about that, that I am here alone, lonely, discarded while she is having another honeymoon period. but actually I'm glad - normal people don't move on like that. Of course he's just the necessary replacement, being used just as I was. If he falls for her, a very bleak future is all he has to look forward to. The coldness of her responses confirmed I am now black. Normal people don't go from love to hate in a few short weeks. It was a disorder, I knew it anyway, but seeing it confirmed has enabled me to finally put it all behind me for good in my mind.

Today I remembers one thing she said towards the end. "Everything was amazing, and then I fell in love with you and things just got so complicated." Of course they did. I was special. I triggered intimacy. How sad for her that that meant she had to discard me. Now she is having crazy sex - I know it will be crazy from experience! - with someone she hardly knows and doesn't have feelings for. Much easier for her. I hope that poor guy doesn't fall for her, he is playing with fire and has no clue.

Im sorry Came.  No, healthy ppl do not do these things. Keep remembering that. And take care of yourself in knowing there was nothing you did or could do to change her disorder.

Its a hard process to detach from these r/s and more importantly to understand, which will and should work to help only you from now on.

Sending support.