Already threatening a petition to modify...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

That's right--the new order was signed a week ago, and apparently her lawyer said in front of the judge that his client is going to file a petition to modify if the judge finalized the order.  BPD mom was so focused on blocking DH's access to his DD that she forced him to get less than standard possession for DSD (only two weekends a month, no dinners) so she had to agree to the same possession schedule for the boys.  We had given up on DSD bc the GAL kept doing everything he could to block DH's access to her so we agreed to the deal, especially since now we could better protect the boys (who are younger) from the PA that DSD has gone through with BPD mom.

I guess BPD mom wasn't realizing what she was agreeing to and now has buyer's remorse.  The week after the order, she wrote DH (cc'd the GAL and the lawyers) that the boys want to have dinner with her and would he let them.  :)H let her know that they would be following the order.  Then she refused to sign the order for months so the judge had to enter it without her signature (of course, the GAL went into that hearing asking the judge if the boys get the dinners back, but the judge refused saying it was already final because it was already read into the record and approved).

From what i understand, she has to wait a year to file another motion to modify unless the kids are in serious danger, but maybe her lawyer will do it just to make us stop it (our lawyer said something about there being ways to block it).  It just feels like she wants to fight and fight and fight... .

[sanemom]

That's right--the new order was signed a week ago, and apparently her lawyer said in front of the judge that his client is going to file a petition to modify if the judge finalized the order.  BPD mom was so focused on blocking DH's access to his DD that she forced him to get less than standard possession for DSD (only two weekends a month, no dinners) so she had to agree to the same possession schedule for the boys.  We had given up on DSD bc the GAL kept doing everything he could to block DH's access to her so we agreed to the deal, especially since now we could better protect the boys (who are younger) from the PA that DSD has gone through with BPD mom.

I guess BPD mom wasn't realizing what she was agreeing to and now has buyer's remorse.  The week after the order, she wrote DH (cc'd the GAL and the lawyers) that the boys want to have dinner with her and would he let them.  :)H let her know that they would be following the order.  Then she refused to sign the order for months so the judge had to enter it without her signature (of course, the GAL went into that hearing asking the judge if the boys get the dinners back, but the judge refused saying it was already final because it was already read into the record and approved).

From what i understand, she has to wait a year to file another motion to modify unless the kids are in serious danger, but maybe her lawyer will do it just to make us stop it (our lawyer said something about there being ways to block it).  It just feels like she wants to fight and fight and fight... .

[Matt]

But for now the order is final, and can't be changed for a year (unless maybe there is some big new issue that comes up) - is that right?

So you have a year to focus on the kids?

[sanemom]

Our lawyer said she can file it, and he can go to court and state it's frivolous and it will be dropped (but, of course, that still costs us money). 

She has to wait at least a year for it to be even considered, and I thought there had to be a change in circumstances anyway.  Surely her DD graduating does not constitute a change in circumstances... .

I hope this is final until they are all out of the house (youngest is 14).

[Matt]

Our lawyer said she can file it, and he can go to court and state it's frivolous and it will be dropped (but, of course, that still costs us money). 

She has to wait at least a year for it to be even considered, and I thought there had to be a change in circumstances anyway.  Surely her DD graduating does not constitute a change in circumstances... .

I hope this is final until they are all out of the house (youngest is 14).

Maybe he can just write a short letter to the court - might be cheaper than appearing in court (15 minutes vs. an hour or two).

Or even do nothing and the court should dismiss the motion.

[ForeverDad]

Our lawyer said she can file it, and he can go to court and state it's frivolous and it will be dropped (but, of course, that still costs us money). 

She has to wait at least a year for it to be even considered, and I thought there had to be a change in circumstances anyway.  Surely her DD graduating does not constitute a change in circumstances... .

Maybe he can just write a short letter to the court - might be cheaper than appearing in court (15 minutes vs. an hour or two).

Or even do nothing and the court should dismiss the motion.

If a motion is unopposed I would guess it would be granted, so they have to appear and object.  However they could remind the court this is frivolous, ask that her lawyer be sanctioned and ask that she pay their attorney's fees - or be ordered to pay an equal amount into the boys' education fund.

Stand firm.  We all knew something like this would happen, roll with the punches.

[Boss302]

Our lawyer said she can file it, and he can go to court and state it's frivolous and it will be dropped (but, of course, that still costs us money). 

She has to wait at least a year for it to be even considered, and I thought there had to be a change in circumstances anyway.  Surely her DD graduating does not constitute a change in circumstances... .

I hope this is final until they are all out of the house (youngest is 14).

If it's frivolous, perhaps your attorney could ask the court to require his fees to be paid by BPDx? That might cool her litigation jets considerably... .

[livednlearned]

Our lawyer said she can file it, and he can go to court and state it's frivolous and it will be dropped (but, of course, that still costs us money). 

She has to wait at least a year for it to be even considered, and I thought there had to be a change in circumstances anyway.  Surely her DD graduating does not constitute a change in circumstances... .

I hope this is final until they are all out of the house (youngest is 14).

If it's frivolous, perhaps your attorney could ask the court to require his fees to be paid by BPDx? That might cool her litigation jets considerably... .

It doesn't really work that way, unfortunately. At least it hasn't in my situation.

My ex doesn't comply with anything, he files ridiculous motions, he files appeals. He basically shows up in court and very politely gives the judge both middle fingers. Every time I ask for legal fees, the judge grants them to me. But then N/BPDx doesn't pay. So we go back to court (which costs me money). The judge initially gave him x amount of days to pay. He wouldn't pay by x days.  I would take him back to court. Judge finally said he had to go to jail if he wasn't going to pay, so right before the bailiff puts on the handcuffs, N/BPDx pays and avoids jail. Each time the judge orders him to pay my legal fees. And around it goes.

Until finally the judge ordered what is called a gatekeeping order -- only a judge can order this.

N/BPDx is supposedly not allowed to file anything unless it is approved. But he filed something and the clerk of court let it through and now it gets heard.

So getting legal fees sounds good in theory, but it's just another way to stay on the hamster wheel.

sanemom, the only thing that might work out different for you when it comes to asking for and being granted legal fees -- and this might not even be possible -- is to have consequences for not paying spelled out clearly. For example, if she doesn't pay by the court-ordered date, your H does not have to pay child support equal to the amount owed. So that your H gets relief without having to try and collect.

It might not work. Child support has a somewhat special status. Maybe there is something else you can work out. Just don't leave it open-ended if you can avoid it.

[sanemom]

DH doesn't pay child support anyway... .she didn't pay any for 9 years while he raised three kids.  She is the one who will owe the back child support once DSD graduates.

I am just hopeful she decides she doesn't want to be in front of that judge again... .he is not fond of her, and he is a yeller.  She is more waif so she hates personal confrontation.  All of her nastiness is via text or email... .I have never seen her be nasty to my DH in person.

But yeah, she won't pay anyway... .got away with not paying CS for 9 years (which didn't raise an eyebrow with the GAL).  All we have going for us on that one is the hope she won't want to get in front of that judge again... .we keep the same judge every time we go to court.

[Nope]

She can threaten all she wants. If you see the same judge he will know it's frivolous because he just got you guy out of his court room. And yes, likely he will yell if that's something he does. Hopefully her L will be smart enough to realize that. Making the judge who is always going to decide everything on the case angry without good cause is not smart.

I agree to ask for legal fees if she tries. Even if they get awarded and she doesn't pay, that is one more thing you can bring up in a year when you're back in court. Between that and back CS, she'll have other issues to overcome right in the door. And next time no biased GAL to back her up.