Silent treatment

[Rollercoaster1]

I've read a lot on these boards about silent treatment, experiencing this now;

After we've had limited contact for a while, last week we talked on the phone and he came over to my house. We've had two amazing evenings/nights together and were talking constantly after both coming home from work. He told me we can't be together because he doesn't want to hurt me. Told me he thinks it would be like paradise if we would be in a relationship, but he's afraid he'll have to leave the country again and will have to leave me too.

Last friday we left for work and he said we'd talk later. Haven't heard from him since then (which includes my birthday on saturday)... .No response to both of my (neutral) texts. Seems like he's pulling back after spending those great days together. To be completely honest, he might still have a girlfriend (didn't ask, guess I don't really want to know)...

Obviously, the silent treatment hurts, but I know all I can do is give him his space. I'm just wondering if I should send him one text telling him that I'll give him some space and hope to hear from him later?

Any thoughts on the reasons for this silent treatment and how to handle it?

[hurting300]

You know... .I would just wait it out. Trust me.

[Narellan]

Best response to ST is to reciprocate the same.

I agree with hurting300.

[elessar]

have learned from experience to let them be. it is a form of emotional abuse, and you dont want to validate their abuse of you.

[Suspicious1]

I've been on the receiving end of ST now for nearly three months, with no idea whether it will ever end or if that's it. I've reached out a few times and I sort of wish I hadn't, as I think every time I reached out, he could reject me and that may have fuelled his desire to keep the ST going. I'm guessing it added to my punishment if he was able to reject my attempts at communication.

In the end I sent an email saying the door was always a little bit open if he ever wanted to talk, but in the meantime I was going to get on with my life. Maybe he's really gone NC and I don't want to be guilty of stalking the guy. There's only so much you can do before you have to take the hint.

[Tyrwhitt]

I'm at two months silent treatment, and have had this scenario for 20 years. I send a text if I need to communicate, such as a message left for him on the answerphone. I used to try and break the silence, but it's a complete waste of time, so I now ignore him as though he doesn't exist. He will only break the silence when he wants to, and attempts to take some control by you are futile and inflammatory.

I've learnt to dissociate my feelings and get on with my life. The ST will be used over and over and eventually you won't care!

All the advice about getting on with your life is true, but hard to take all the time your emotions are entwined with his and his happiness. It has taken me years, I hope you learn quicker than me!

[hurting300]

Mine has been silent for four months. If wants NO contact that's what she'll get. They want you to chase them trust me. They get off on the fact it tears you up when they disappear. So keep a low profile. He'll be back.