How to stop the abuse

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I agree with what heart said.  My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD from my relationship. What you describe sounds an awful lot like what I went thru.  Never knowing how she was going to react, I use  to shut my phone off so I wouldn't have to worry about it going off when she was around, walking on eggshells, never doing anything for myself... .even as simple as eating at my favorite restaurant because she didn't like it (even thou I always paid the bill when out or doing anything).  I hated living like that.

I went on medication to help with the stress and focus especially since I wanted to really work during therapy. I was told therapy works best when you are in a relaxed state of mind and then you can make the changes.  It was  also helpful that I was able to put space between her and I for a few months. Hang in there.

[willtimeheal]

I agree with what heart said.  My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD from my relationship. What you describe sounds an awful lot like what I went thru.  Never knowing how she was going to react, I use  to shut my phone off so I wouldn't have to worry about it going off when she was around, walking on eggshells, never doing anything for myself... .even as simple as eating at my favorite restaurant because she didn't like it (even thou I always paid the bill when out or doing anything).  I hated living like that.

I went on medication to help with the stress and focus especially since I wanted to really work during therapy. I was told therapy works best when you are in a relaxed state of mind and then you can make the changes.  It was  also helpful that I was able to put space between her and I for a few months. Hang in there.

[qkslvrgirl]

The key word here is "action" - do something to actively change the balance of power for yourself. You can start with stopping the internal dialog when your stress level rises.

It took me years to really understand this - but as stated by others - feelings are a reaction. In and of themselves, they have no story attached. Our minds create an explanation AFTER the emotion is perceived.

We can stop doing that by recognizing the chemical (cortisol or adrenaline) is coursing through our body - and remaining alert in the present moment to whether we are actually in physical danger. If not, we can allow the emotional charge to dissipate without making it more important with a story.

[hurthusband]

This is interesting...

Instead of thinking about what comes with something stressful, just accept what it is and not think about what comes with it.  I will have to try this.  Easier said than done, but I can work on it