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Author Topic: What's the worst part for you?  (Read 3417 times)
Blimblam
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« Reply #60 on: August 16, 2014, 01:55:04 PM »

Infrared,

I understand where you are coming from I hope you find that place within that you can trust in yourself again the festering wound that is doubt in ourselves must trully be the worst part. I believe in u.
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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« Reply #61 on: August 16, 2014, 02:32:05 PM »

I never lived with my exBPDgf but would travel the 50 miles after work to her place a few times a week. I would wonder whether or not she would call the relationship off.  At least once a week it was called off.  Lost count of the times I drove to her place, only to have to return after half an hour.  I think my replacement lives a lot nearer so his mileage will be way lower.
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Dog biscuit
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« Reply #62 on: August 16, 2014, 03:10:26 PM »

The worst part for me, is still coming to terms with the death ( suicide) of his ex gf. She commited suicide on our first date, so while he and I where having a real nice time, she was lying dead in her home.  :'(

I didnt knew they still had a relationship with each other and that he was lying to her about the contact he and I had. I flirted openly with him on a social media site we shared, and his ex gf was also a member of that site. I didnt know they still had a relationship! At first he told me, as he also told his friends, with whom I checked on this fact, that their relationship was over for 6 months and they where still good friends. Turned out he was lying, they still had a relationship when I met him, and he was declaring his love to me. I only discovered the truth about it, when we where togheter for almost a year. She is dead, and I feel partly responsible for her misery.  :'(

She was lied upon, cheated, and gaslighted in the worst kind of way. Poor girl.  :'(

I DIDNT KNOW! Damn.
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Infared
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« Reply #63 on: August 16, 2014, 03:30:14 PM »

Infrared,

I understand where you are coming from I hope you find that place within that you can trust in yourself again the festering wound that is doubt in ourselves must trully be the worst part. I believe in u.

Thanks Blim... .

I actually like me... .it has taken me time. I am in a self help group and I learned there that we build self esteem by doing esteemable actions. I have been working on that and time has healed me somewhat... .my life is peaceful and calm without being in a relationship. No rollercoaster ride from hell. It can have its downsides but I find with time that it has a lot of benefits, too.

It's good to be able to come here and talk openly about where I am at... .I really can't talk about this subject any longer even with my close friends.
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Green_eyes

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living apart/separated
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« Reply #64 on: August 16, 2014, 04:16:35 PM »

The worst part for me is watching our 7 month old son grow and change and know that my ex is missing out on the best thing he's ever created... .

I can't understand how he could claim to miss him and love him/us but walk away and continue to make things incredibly difficult.

I'm left with the most intense pain imaginable and on top of that I now have a sweet little baby and 2 dogs to care for and a house to run by myself. I try my best to be a good mother to my son but how can he not feel the sadness in my heart. I feel like a total failure.

I can barely contain the overwhelming grief I feel and the truth of feeling so trapped, so hurt, so bitter, so lost... .wanting to be a family again and take the abuse again just to not feel what. So alone and helpless. It makes me so ashamed that I want to die.

I miss the fleeting glimpses of the family I wanted so badly. I miss the man I fell in love with. The man I was supposed to marry. I miss him cuddling me in the night in our bed... .squeezing my hand as we looked at our son. I miss dancing together with him and feeling like it was the most fun I've ever had in my life... .

I don't know how to make this better. This is killing me... .
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Blimblam
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« Reply #65 on: August 16, 2014, 04:19:07 PM »

Infrared,

I understand where you are coming from I hope you find that place within that you can trust in yourself again the festering wound that is doubt in ourselves must trully be the worst part. I believe in u.

Thanks Blim... .

I actually like me... .it has taken me time. I am in a self help group and I learned there that we build self esteem by doing esteemable actions. I have been working on that and time has healed me somewhat... .my life is peaceful and calm without being in a relationship. No rollercoaster ride from hell. It can have its downsides but I find with time that it has a lot of benefits, too.

It's good to be able to come here and talk openly about where I am at... .I really can't talk about this subject any longer even with my close friends.

Infrared,

Lol I can totally relate not being able to talk about it with close friends. First of all they don't understand. Second, in my situation people basically explain to me about their boundaries which ultimately translates to how to be cutoff from ones emotions. I think there are multiple paths to recovering from an interaction like this and they are all valid in their own right. Validating hope from outside oneself is a powerful method. If that doesn't satisfy an inward journey into ones unconscious can be a way to find oneself and liberate the inner working held hostage by internalized negative energy as well, though it is frightening and painfull. Whatever works for you.
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pieceofme
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« Reply #66 on: August 16, 2014, 05:32:22 PM »

I can barely contain the overwhelming grief I feel and the truth of feeling so trapped, so hurt, so bitter, so lost... .wanting to be a family again and take the abuse again just to not feel what. So alone and helpless. It makes me so ashamed that I want to die.

I miss the fleeting glimpses of the family I wanted so badly. I miss the man I fell in love with. The man I was supposed to marry. I miss him cuddling me in the night in our bed... .squeezing my hand as we looked at our son. I miss dancing together with him and feeling like it was the most fun I've ever had in my life... .

I don't know how to make this better. This is killing me... .

your words broke my heart. every thought and feeling and thing you miss - i feel the exact same. i hate knowing he will never cuddle me again. in addition to losing my boyfriend, i lost the future we were planning for and that i thought we had together. it is life-altering and devastating.
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tired-of-it-all
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« Reply #67 on: August 16, 2014, 05:44:43 PM »

For me the worst part of the whole experience is the lies.  The fact that I never got the truth or validation.  It is like living in the Twilight Zone.  It is so hard for me to give up on knowing the truth.  On wanting her to admit the truth.  That would feel so good and do so much for my mental health.  It ain't gonna happen.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #68 on: August 16, 2014, 05:46:21 PM »

For me the worst part of the whole experience is the lies.  The fact that I never got the truth or validation.  It is like living in the Twilight Zone.  It is so hard for me to give up on knowing the truth.  On wanting her to admit the truth.  That would feel so good and do so much for my mental health.  It ain't gonna happen.

I relate to this soo much.
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pieceofme
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« Reply #69 on: August 16, 2014, 06:10:05 PM »

For me the worst part of the whole experience is the lies.  The fact that I never got the truth or validation.  It is like living in the Twilight Zone.  It is so hard for me to give up on knowing the truth.  On wanting her to admit the truth.  That would feel so good and do so much for my mental health.  It ain't gonna happen.

I relate to this soo much.

me, too. it got to the point where i began to think every word out of his mouth was a lie. i'm not sure he could tell me the truth if he had to. i don't even know if he knows what the truth is anymore.
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woofhound
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« Reply #70 on: August 16, 2014, 06:39:04 PM »

For me the worst part of the whole experience is the lies.  The fact that I never got the truth or validation.  It is like living in the Twilight Zone.  It is so hard for me to give up on knowing the truth.  On wanting her to admit the truth.  That would feel so good and do so much for my mental health.  It ain't gonna happen.

I relate to this soo much.

me, too. it got to the point where i began to think every word out of his mouth was a lie. i'm not sure he could tell me the truth if he had to. i don't even know if he knows what the truth is anymore.

I think to these people TRUTH= WHATEVER I NEED TO SAY TO GET WHAT I CRAVE RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT

It must be exhausting.
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tired-of-it-all
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« Reply #71 on: August 16, 2014, 06:50:03 PM »

Several years ago, I drove her away from our children and spent 2 hours confronting her with her lies.  I screamed and acted like a mad man.  I had to get it all out.  She almost, for a few seconds, started just a little to listen.  I said to her, "Can't you tell me the truth?"  She had a brief, lucid moment and said, "I don't know what the truth is anymore."  That moment, although very satisfying, passed rather quickly.
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Infared
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« Reply #72 on: August 16, 2014, 07:53:05 PM »

For me the worst part of the whole experience is the lies.  The fact that I never got the truth or validation.  It is like living in the Twilight Zone.  It is so hard for me to give up on knowing the truth.  On wanting her to admit the truth.  That would feel so good and do so much for my mental health.  It ain't gonna happen.

When you are a descent, honest person the lies they tell are just brutal. 

I begged mine to go to therapy, when she was leaving me. I asked her parents to help her find someone to help her, that I cared about her so much and that I was concerned about her.

Months after she had run out on me, she and her therapist (big mistake) invited me to a session.  I brought up a topic that I KNEW she had lied to me about (cheating on me), and she sat there and lied about it, right in front of me AND her therapist?

She hung her head down with shame and low self esteem... .it was soo obvious she was lying, and her T said nothing. 

It was so painful that I got no validation. It was just so sad and painful.
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AG
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« Reply #73 on: August 16, 2014, 08:13:00 PM »

There are so many parts that are bad its kinda hard to pick one but the worst part for me is being turned into a villain when I so am not. It is not being understood from my perspective. I mean you gather up all this understanding and patience inside of you for your partner and try to hang in there all to have it flipped on you. You get left extremely tired and completely shattered and when it is all said and done you get a nice metaphorical kick in your ass for doing so. Most of us judging from reading all these stories experience the same exact thing. You end up trying to explain yourself like ":)on't you understand I did abcdef and even g for you? How are you making me out to be the villain". It is the injustice of it that urkes me the most.
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Caramel
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« Reply #74 on: August 17, 2014, 01:54:45 AM »

It is the injustice of it that urkes me the most.

Yes.
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Turkish
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« Reply #75 on: August 17, 2014, 02:47:59 AM »

Staff only

This topic has reached its posting limit. It is a worthwhile topic. Please feel free to start a new thread.
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