Question about Parents of BPD Spouses

[workinprogress]

Okay, I hope I can make some sense about what is going on in my life.

I'm 99% sure my wife is undiagnosed BPD.  One on-going issue that I've had has been with her parents.  They try to control my wife's and her sister's lives.

They dangle money in front of them like a carrot.

They have to add their input in for all projects or any other event in their lives.

At one point, my brother in law told me that my in-laws were trying to turn my wife and my kids against me.

Two of the marriages involving my in-laws children are disasters.  There is no intimacy in them at all, and me and the other spouse are painted as bad guys.

The in-laws are overly involved with all of their kids decisions.

Is this common?

How do I handle this situation?

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[workinprogress]

What my brother in law meant about the in-laws was that they want my kids and my wife to like them more than they like me.

They buy them stuff all of the time.  It's so weird.

It seems like every time I turn around they are there.