Parents tried to settle things

[Mr. Black]

Hi,

I have a uDBPDw and had filed for divorce. We are separated for about 2.5 yrs now. My parents could not understand what was happening and why was the divorce taking so long. During this holiday weekend they came to meet me to try and resolve the issue and patch-up things.

A little background:

1) Divorce filed by me (husband)

2) She does not want alimony / maintenance but does not want to give divorce mutually and   we are going in for a contested divorce.

3) No child or property in divorce.

The courts had sent us to some court Councillors who tried explaining that fighting a divorce case is like loosing precious yrs in court and we should mutually settle it. My wife stated that she will not give me a divorce.

Trying to give marriage a second chance I genuinely tried reconciling with her. These recon. talks are on for about 8 months now. I even prepared a reconciliation agreement which was not acceptable to her.

Back to Present:

1) We again re-initiate the reconciliation talks.

2) My Parents come to meet me and call her home to try and reconcile

During the day long discussion, we try to make her see her mistakes, by asking her the issues she was facing. On issues we asked her to give examples, not a single example could be given by her. We tried showing her that her issues were unfounded on reality and she kept justifying her acts with circular discussions and rhetoric.

My one and only condition for reconciliation was that she should go into therapy which she flatly refused, but kept stating that she was sorry and has changed. (there was no remorse whatsoever).

Ques)

1) How do I get my parents off my back. Atleast after the whole day's discussion they have started seeing my point of view

2) I genuinely wanted to reconcile. How do i get her to see the issues and start therapy?

 

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[woofhound]

Sadly, I can't offer you any advice. For me it was very much a catch22 type situation. The more I insisted that my uBPDex had a problem the further she would push me away, yet, not addressing the issue was making for an emotional train wreck of a life. I would say intervention... .but... .I don't know if that could work with a BPD. It might just end up pushing them away further as well.