Your most irrational demands from your bp?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So what were your most irrational demands or requests from your BPD?

As I get the I'm sorry pleas -I was wrong, I need help, I love you etc (please come back so I can feel better again and start the cycle all over) I feel strong but it doesn't hurt to remind myself of some of these things. He made some absurd demands, I would politely tell him that I was sorry but I was unable to do that, this etc which usually triggered an episode. I'm sure many many can relate.

Some are so ridiculous they make me laugh and I'm sure others have way better!

My favorites:

"You can't smile at other men when you are interacting with them or be nice( ie by saying thank you while smiling at a store clerk, waiter anyone) because they will think you want to have sex with them... ."

"You're not aloud to enjoy time or have fun with anyone else(friends family included) but me. "

And

"I don't want you to work with men ever" - which I am an independent contractor and company working in sound recording. Its completely male dominated, my employees and almost all my contractors are male? Lol

[RainsBP]

So what were your most irrational demands or requests from your BPD?

As I get the I'm sorry pleas -I was wrong, I need help, I love you etc (please come back so I can feel better again and start the cycle all over) I feel strong but it doesn't hurt to remind myself of some of these things. He made some absurd demands, I would politely tell him that I was sorry but I was unable to do that, this etc which usually triggered an episode. I'm sure many many can relate.

Some are so ridiculous they make me laugh and I'm sure others have way better!

My favorites:

"You can't smile at other men when you are interacting with them or be nice( ie by saying thank you while smiling at a store clerk, waiter anyone) because they will think you want to have sex with them... ."

"You're not aloud to enjoy time or have fun with anyone else(friends family included) but me. "

And

"I don't want you to work with men ever" - which I am an independent contractor and company working in sound recording. Its completely male dominated, my employees and almost all my contractors are male? Lol

[Suspicious1]

"When I talk to you, don't listen to the words I use, listen to what I'm *really* saying".

Perhaps he should have come with a free crystal ball.

[tired-of-it-all]

My was that I should never masturbate (for the record I wan't anyway).  She claimed that is was a waste of sex that could be had with her.  She found a "Christian" sex website to support her position.  I told her that it was my penis not hers.  She never really accepted that.  It is also worth noting that she could masturbate whenever she wanted, which was quiet often.  She had a locked box of sex toys that she thought were hidden.  She had one with a battery powered motor that she wore out in only a few weeks.

The "Christian" sex website was quiet a trip.  I guess it is okay to talk about f**king with perfect strangers as long as there are crosses decorating the border of the website.

[Junknown]

"Of course i told you that you could go but i was letting you go expecting that you would figure out that it didnt make sense for you to go and declining at last second" Dont remember exactly the context that led to this but she became angry at me when i went out to some place that she didnt want me although i dont have mind reading capacities to know that when she says its ok to go... .

[woofhound]

The day she left me she sent me a text... ."I demand a grand gesture of love, or I f*ing walk!".

My reply: "Is the intense suffering not a grand enough gesture?"

Haven't heard a word from her since.

[Junknown]

She also did the same to me Tired of it all! She said i shouldnt watch porn and masturbate with it because it messed with her as she would think of me being unfaithful with her because i would be enjoying other women (told me if i did this to make secret of it and not tell her) . Yet, she watched porn, masturbated, also frequently and even was being unfaithful and doing webcam sex and sexphone with other men... .

[Junknown]

Another one:

She demanded that i fully forgive her. Because, the fact that i was disturbed and a bit distant after her first betrayal wasnt normal to her. Then i told her i would fight those bad feelings and be back as before and she said she was hurt and demanded that i would fight for her and prove my love to her (wth, i was betrayed forgave her and she was the one hurt and kept demanding things?).

[woofhound]

Another one:

She demanded that i fully forgive her. Because, the fact that i was disturbed and a bit distant after her first betrayal wasnt normal to her. Then i told her i would fight those bad feelings and be back as before and she said she was hurt and demanded that i would fight for her and prove my love to her (wth, i was betrayed forgave her and she was the one hurt and kept demanding things?).

After mine cheated on me, she said almost exactly the same thing. She was the one out getting stuffed while going to relationship counseling with me (which i paid for) to try and work out our problems... .So she cheats (with two people: one she referred to as Adonis who was apparently in her art class with her, and a whore that's well known for being as such as she cheats on her husband literally every chance she gets), and i forgive her. However, she has the audacity to tell me "Its your fault because you always push me away." Then she wanted me to explain to all of her friends that I made her do it basically... .I kinda felt like she might want to apologize to my friends for them having to listen to me cry for two weeks, but whatever i guess.

[Blimblam]

That I be friends with a guy I later discovered she was having an emotional affair with

[Junknown]

That I be friends with a guy I later discovered she was having an emotional affair with

In my case, she demanded that i didnt contact the guy with who she was cheating me with. He didnt knew that we were in a relationship and she had a parallel relationship with him. I hope she keeps thinking that way

Later on, she cheated both of us with a third one. Both of us walked away after we got in contact and exchanged stories without her knowing of course. Now we are friends and she doesnt even have a clue that its the support we give each other that is keeping us away from her. She thinks we keep the hate for each other that she implanted in us.

[merm49]

I was in trouble for moving to a new apartment building that doesn't allow pets because she "wanted/wants a puppy."  This was a recurring issue, and continued even after the final break-up initiated by her. 

[BuildingFromScratch]

She expected me to never be physically attracted to another woman. More of an unsaid demand. We couldn't watch movies without her freaking out and such. Man, that messed me up for about ten lifetimes. And no, I didn't go around saying stuff about how I wanted other women. I just admitted the truth when asked. She also freaked out over me dreaming about sleeping with another woman... .Brought it up for twelve years... .

[Huh?]

My was that I should never masturbate (for the record I wan't anyway).  She claimed that is was a waste of sex that could be had with her.  She found a "Christian" sex website to support her position.  I told her that it was my penis not hers.  She never really accepted that.  It is also worth noting that she could masturbate whenever she wanted, which was quiet often.  She had a locked box of sex toys that she thought were hidden.  She had one with a battery powered motor that she wore out in only a few weeks.

The "Christian" sex website was quiet a trip.  I guess it is okay to talk about f**king with perfect strangers as long as there are crosses decorating the border of the website.

HAHA!  Wow, dude!  I got the same one!  One morning I was getting out of the shower before work, when I opened it with a towel around my waist she was standing there, crying and started raging at me, ":)ONT YOU EVER DO THAT IN MY HOUSE!".  I was completely confused and taken off guard.  I said, ":)o what?"  She said, " I KNOW YOU WERE MASTURBATING IN THERE".  I wasnt.  At all.  I was taking a shower.  I told her she was crazy.  She was shaking.  I asked her why she thought I was masturbating?  She said she was looking under the door and saw my feet moving (which of course, automatically means masturbation   ).  I told her she was crazy and I threw on my clothes and left for work as fast as I could.  She called me telling me she was sorry and that she was going to seek therapy.  Like a sucker, I came back.

Later, after she threw me out for the last time and we were attempting to reconcile with couples counseling, I told her I found a counselor, the first thing she said was, "Im going to tell him you masturbate".  I was like wow... .well sign me up then.   We never made it to counseling, she was done shortly after that.

Of course Im sad shes gone, but Im not gonna lie, its nice going to the bathroom without worrying about eyes under the door.

[letmeout]

Crazy people are such a trip!

Mine demanded (after he was caught cheating and people were telling me to divorce him) that I needed to stand by my man and defend his behavior to everyone.

Excuse me?

[camuse]

Of course Im sad shes gone, but Im not gonna lie, its nice going to the bathroom without worrying about eyes under the door.

[Aussie JJ]

Love.

To love her when she had such a distorted view of what love is. 

[Bak86]

To not tell anyone about our relationship. What is wrong with her?

[Alex86]

She expected me to never be physically attracted to another woman. More of an unsaid demand. We couldn't watch movies without her freaking out and such. Man, that messed me up for about ten lifetimes. And no, I didn't go around saying stuff about how I wanted other women. I just admitted the truth when asked. She also freaked out over me dreaming about sleeping with another woman... .Brought it up for twelve years... .

I relate to that. Even with friends. I was afraid to talk with the wife of my best friend since afterwards I was expecting a rage episode.

[woofhound]

Crazy people are such a trip!

Mine demanded (after he was caught cheating and people were telling me to divorce him) that I needed to stand by my man and defend his behavior to everyone.

Excuse me?

Mine basically told me this after she cheated on me. I suggested that we go to our mutual friends that knew, and had chosen to remain friends with me while not remaining friends with her, and tell them that we were together and working things out. She said "Well then why don't you go to my friends and apologize?"... .What did I have to apologize for? She couldn't say, really.

[elessar]

To not tell anyone about our relationship. What is wrong with her?

I had so much irrational demands from her that I wasn't going to type them all here. But this statement got me. She didn't want me telling anyone we were seeing each other (after the first time she split me black). She never had me meet her friends or anyone who is remotely close to her family. That truly hurt. And I knew she was doing that to keep herself "pure" when she eventually got married to someone else. As she told me once, "if a guy found out I have been with someone else, he won't marry me." She is from that conservative society where if you are not a virgin your value plummets like a rock. A relationship that went on and off for years secretively from her end is something that was painful.

[workinprogress]

You guys just reminded me of something funny.

Shortly into our marriage, I was up watching some tv in the living room adjacent to our bedroom.  I turned it onto a music video channel and they played David Lee Roth's cover of California Girls.  I was a huge DLR/Van Halen fan so naturally I watched the video.

My wife walked out of the bedroom and looked at the tv.  Of course there were women in bikinis  in the video.  She got mad and said, "it figures that you are watching that!"

It's funny, she would get so jealous all of the time if she even thought that I looked at another woman, but she could flirt with every guy she met.

[tired-of-it-all]

You guys just reminded me of something funny.

Shortly into our marriage, I was up watching some tv in the living room adjacent to our bedroom.  I turned it onto a music video channel and they played David Lee Roth's cover of California Girls.  I was a huge DLR/Van Halen fan so naturally I watched the video.

My wife walked out of the bedroom and looked at the tv.  Of course there were women in bikinis  in the video.  She got mad and said, "it figures that you are watching that!"

It's funny, she would get so jealous all of the time if she even thought that I looked at another woman, but she could flirt with every guy she met.

Mine got freaked out mad because I was watching American Idol back when Kelly Pickler was a contestant.  She accused me, in front of the kids, of wanting her.  Like I was actually doing something with this television personality that I will never, ever meet.  The crazy part was that she was doing porn all the time.  I mean hours daily.  If she ran upstairs during the day, it was to masturbate.  I caught her more than once.

I had started attending alanon.  It taught me to deal with her when she would have these fits.  I just started laughing in her face.  That did more to defuse the situation than anything.  That and confronting her with the truth.  I would say, "I am watching a show but I am not hiding in the office looking at porn like you do."

[Vatz]

Bear with me, context is kind of important with this one... .

In november a few years back she went to an anime convention. I didn't have money and couldn't come. I was so happy she went, she made friends and I was supportive.

She then admitted to have given an HJ to some guy she got to know while there.

A little over a year later, or was it only a few months? I can't tell. The whole thing's a blur.

We were planning on going to one together (with some of her other friends.) She wanted to invite the guy she cheated on me with to that same convention. To stay in the same room as all of us. When I said she was out of her mind she said, and I quote "I love you, but don't you dare get between me and my friends."

I think there's a special place in hell for people who do that. That's twisted.

I was reminiscing about our good times earlier, this topic helped remind me precisely why it's good she's gone. It was all bull___.

[tired-of-it-all]

Bear with me, context is kind of important with this one... .

In november a few years back she went to an anime convention. I didn't have money and couldn't come. I was so happy she went, she made friends and I was supportive.

She then admitted to have given an HJ to some guy she got to know while there.

A little over a year later, or was it only a few months? I can't tell. The whole thing's a blur.

We were planning on going to one together (with some of her other friends.) She wanted to invite the guy she cheated on me with to that same convention. To stay in the same room as all of us. When I said she was out of her mind she said, and I quote "I love you, but don't you dare get between me and my friends."

I think there's a special place in hell for people who do that. That's twisted.

I was reminiscing about our good times earlier, this topic helped remind me precisely why it's good she's gone. It was all bull___.

That is un-frigging-believable!  Look at the crazy-assed stuff that we put up with!

[Pieter2]

Too many to tell, but this is a good one. Demanded that I "stop talking about work because people find my work interesting". I am young and in stockbroking - So one night some of my friends ask about my work and what stocks to buy etc etc. and I casually say what I'm into at the moment. I got way to much attention. She proceeded to say that I "am a nobody and have no talent and know nothing!" and that she has "fvcked every type of engineer there is". Now I never knew that if you screw every type of engineer that you are therefore more classy and clever as a result?

[woofhound]

Too many to tell, but this is a good one. Demanded that I "stop talking about work because people find my work interesting". I am young and in stockbroking - So one night some of my friends ask about my work and what stocks to buy etc etc. and I casually say what I'm into at the moment. I got way to much attention. She proceeded to say that I "am a nobody and have no talent and know nothing!" and that she has "fvcked every type of engineer there is". Now I never knew that if you screw every type of engineer that you are therefore more classy and clever as a result?

Everyone knows that engineers are the high class type   

[tired-of-it-all]

Too many to tell, but this is a good one. Demanded that I "stop talking about work because people find my work interesting". I am young and in stockbroking - So one night some of my friends ask about my work and what stocks to buy etc etc. and I casually say what I'm into at the moment. I got way to much attention. She proceeded to say that I "am a nobody and have no talent and know nothing!" and that she has "fvcked every type of engineer there is". Now I never knew that if you screw every type of engineer that you are therefore more classy and clever as a result?

You know what engineers use for birth control? Their personality.

[OutOfEgypt]

There were countless things where "the rules" simply didn't apply to her.  She was "special" and therefore didn't have to abide by any of the rules.  Things were more "cut and dry" with her than they were with other people.

So, I really don't know how many I would call "demands" except for the main one, which is that I have this undying obsession with knowing her and her every need and knowing exactly how and when and in what matter to fulfill that need (sexual mostly).  And of course, that terrified me... .a) because I didn't really WANT to know everything she thought and felt and wanted sexually.  Some of the things she revealed were sadistic and totally sick, and b) because it was like a black hole, and I knew that there was only ONE thing for the person designated to fulfill those needs when they failed to... .punishment.  And I had lived that punishment for too long.

Aside from that, she had many expectations that were crazy.  She expected that I should basically let her do whatever she wanted.  Normal rules of mutual respect did not apply to her side of the relationship.  She expected that she should be allowed to have a friendship with the last guy she cheated on me with "since we are only friends in my eyes."  I asked her if any of her friends would tolerate that with their spouses, and she said "No", but when it came to her, she is different.  So, I should let her.  She would have him come over and stay at the house, even with my kids there, while I was away for a weekend trip with friends or work.  She would "accidentally" fall asleep at hotel rooms with him (he lived/lives in his car and drove across the country to live out here and be ith her... .to this day he still follows her around like a stupid puppy dog and gets angry when she has a new boyfriend).

I'm sure I could think of more things, but her control of me came out more through destroying my self-esteem and demanding complete obsession with her and punishing me when I wasn't "enough".  And it worked.

[Vatz]

She expected that she should be allowed to have a friendship with the last guy she cheated on me with "since we are only friends in my eyes."

Wow, I'm stealing your post. The one I wrote was a bit long, and this takes a perfect snapshot.

[moonunit]

Yup, I think everyone has allot of stories to tell, with mine, here are a few:

I am the reason she is an alcoholic

I am partly the reason her mom got cancer and died

I am the reason she got fired from her job and now can't find a job

I am the reason that she thinks of herself as a bad mom

I can't act "normal" around any woman, that all i try to do whenever i am near anywoman of any age is get into their pants

That people ( she can't name any )tell her all the time how i act inappropriately and embarass her when she is not around

Oh yeah, and i too got accused of masturbating when i was in the shower on vacation, she stills says; oh i can hear you doing it again (when all i am doing is washing myself) 

That i never loved her or her children and that i only think and care about myself

Just to name a few