Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
September 28, 2024, 03:18:51 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
PTSD
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: PTSD (Read 603 times)
murmom
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 32
PTSD
«
on:
August 18, 2014, 03:45:51 PM »
Any other parent suffer from post traumatic stress disorder? My therapist says I have a mild form of it. I know this experience with my daughter has changed me and sometimes I think not for the better! The horror of witnessing her cutting herself, the physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my own child, the extreme disappointment in some of the things she's done... .sometimes I think I've lost all confidence in myself as a person and a parent.
I am in individual therapy and I think I can work through it - eventually. My daughter is in long-term hospitalization now and is doing well, but I can't help feeling like the "other shoe is going to drop." Anyone else work through this in some way?
Murmom
Mom to Dx BPDD age 16
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Dibdob59
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 151
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #1 on:
August 18, 2014, 04:37:15 PM »
I have been in therapy in the past. My therapist confirmed his belief that I am suffering from PTSD, something that I had never considered. He said he did not see how I could not be suffering from this, given what I have seen and experienced in the last 38 years (husband and adult son both UBPD). I am actually more concerned for my adult daughter as she has also witnessed some appalling behaviours and situations, although thankfully nothing like I have experienced.
Our loved ones with BPD do seem to keep their worst behaviours for those that love them the most ie their wives and mothers etc.
Am I working through it? I am not sure that is an option.
To me working through it implies the traumatic event is over, in the past and it is a matter of my coming to terms and dealing with it. However, to me dealing with a loved one or loved ones with BPD is an ongoing, repetitive, escalating, chaotic, demoralising, gut wrenching ball of fear in the pit of my stomach. I try not to anticipate the next episode but it is hard not to. Learning how to change my response is the best I can hope for at present.
Logged
HealingSpirit
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married 19 years.
Posts: 425
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #2 on:
August 18, 2014, 07:45:02 PM »
Oh my goodness, Murmom and Dibdob!
I'm so sorry you both have forms of PTSD! I can see why though. Living in fear, watching every move our loved ones make, being the only one to witness their rages and horrible behavior. It's no wonder! I personally haven't been told I've got PTSD, but my T did prescribe Xanax for me a couple of years ago because I was dealing with significant anxiety, due to my BPDD17. I was so worried about my DD and my perceived failure as a parent, I didn't even recognize my own anxiety. I've had trouble sleeping since she was a baby, but my sleep troubles have gotten worse in her teen years. Xanax does help, so I'm grateful.
Quote from: murmom on August 18, 2014, 03:45:51 PM
My daughter is in long-term hospitalization now and is doing well, but I can't help feeling like the "other shoe is going to drop." Anyone else work through this in some way?
Finding this site has helped me work through my feelings of failure as a parent. I finally let myself off the hook. I've really done the best I could, and so have you! It isn't our "bad" parenting, it is our child's BPD illness that is causing the problems. Now that we
know
it isn't our "fault," and we've found this site, we can recover and take steps to heal ourselves and help our offspring.
As for the feeling that the other shoe will drop, I think Radical Acceptance is all we can do for that. For me, it's a delicate balance between loving my DD, accepting her illness, and detaching from her drama long enough for my own mental/emotional well-being. It's a daily process, and some days are better than others.
Hang in there and keep posting! We're here for you!
Logged
theplotthickens
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 210
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #3 on:
August 19, 2014, 08:54:44 PM »
I agree that we parents have our own trauma to deal with. The physical aggression, suicide attempts, character assassinations, and threats take it's toll.
I have nightmares several nights a week about my daughter attacking me. Sometimes I have flashbacks. When I hear her pound a wall or break something, when she starts badgering me, or when she starts yelling at me, sometimes I get panic attacks. My heart starts racing and I get chest pain. It is a physical response to all the adrenaline... .I just think my body is overloaded from too much stress hormones year after year.
Our bodies are not meant to cope with chronic anger, chaos, and stress. I don't have any advice for you, but I have physical problems from all the mental stress. I have no diagnosis of PTSD since I don't see a therapist; we are too financially stressed from all the treatments and meds for my daughter to afford therapy for me at this point.
I treat with exercise, prayer, positive thoughts, and accepting that this is my body communicating with me that I need to take breaks, detach from the situation and take care of myself. I don't think our minds or physical bodies ever gets used to their child attacking us, attempting suicide, etc.
Yes, I probably have some sort of PTSD thing going on. You are not alone!
Logged
mama72
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 135
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #4 on:
August 19, 2014, 09:05:24 PM »
I have felt like I have PTSD. I think parents of children with BPD are always waiting for the next "bomb" to drop and to see what level of destruction there is to recover from.
It may be the worse type of PTSD? Not only do we fear for what will happen to us, most importantly we are fearful of what may happen to the children we love. No parent should have to live in that constant fear.
"One day at a time" is not a cliche, but a true motto.
Logged
Elbry
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 109
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #5 on:
August 20, 2014, 05:57:49 AM »
I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago unrelated to my DD15 BPD. I definitely feel the same symptoms though from the things I have gone through with her. Especially her last overdose when she almost died. Those hours pacing in the intensive care unit did something to me. Then there is the hypervigilance, always watching, waiting, being on guard. It's very much like what someone in an abusive relationship goes through.
Logged
HealingSpirit
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married 19 years.
Posts: 425
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #6 on:
August 20, 2014, 03:08:06 PM »
WOW! You're all making me cry. HUGS to all of you!
Logged
murmom
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 32
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #7 on:
August 20, 2014, 06:53:10 PM »
Thank you all for your posts! Now I don't feel like I am losing my mind.
I wake up a lot with panic attacks and I haven't even been thinking about anything in particular having to do with my daughter. Either I am subconsciously re-living something in my dreams or it is just a physical response at times. I also try and exercise, count my blessing (list 5 things that are good in my life a day), reach out to others, and focus on my spiritual life.
Murmom
Logged
pessim-optimist
Offline
Gender:
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 2537
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #8 on:
August 20, 2014, 09:50:12 PM »
I think a lot of parents have symptoms of PTSD from all the trauma and also constant low-to-high level of stress.
You are not alone.
My heart used to start racing and I would have an instant stress response when our phone would ring.
It's better now that we have had some distance, and that we have established some safe boundaries and feel like we can deal with most of the situations. We don't feel controlled by the whims and chaos of BPD, and so are less helpless or hopeless.
We have been blessed, though, that our SD has only talked about not wanting to live, no suicidal plans or attempts. That would make it much, much harder, and I really sympathize with everyone who has had to deal with that - no wonder PTSD is the price... .
Logged
raytamtay3
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married - 1 year - 2nd marriage
Posts: 791
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #9 on:
August 21, 2014, 02:32:09 PM »
Yes! Not only do I get a bit of anxiety now while driving over a bridge after my DD14 grabbed the wheel of my car as I was driving over it with my DS6 in the back seat, I get anxiety even talking to her on the phone! I hate typing that - but it's true. From years of the badgering, physical and verbal assaults (spitting on me and pushing me and cursing and calling me horrible names) I have a lot of anxiety. I feel I've had at least two nervous breakdowns over the past two years. And I feel at times that I need to be committed due to long bouts of depression over everything. I most definetly do have PTSD. I have no doubt even though I'm not clinically diagnosed.
Logged
murmom
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: married
Posts: 32
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #10 on:
August 21, 2014, 05:40:02 PM »
raytamtay3 -
My daughter has grabbed the wheel of my car, too, while driving a few times. That in and of itself is terrifying!
hugs to all -
Murmom
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
MammaMia
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1098
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #11 on:
August 21, 2014, 07:49:55 PM »
I find it impossible to believe that anyone who loves a pwBPD does not have some form of PTSD, anxiety, or depression.
This disorder consumes and overwhelms us. We are not crazy, but some days when our coping mechanisms fail, it sure feels like reality is slipping away. "Normal" becomes harder and harder to define.
We are fighting a battle to save our loved-ones from themselves, and it is both mentally and physically exhausting.
We need try to focus on staying grounded and protecting ourselves. I, for one, cannot do this alone. Thank you all for being here.
Logged
Iamafaerie
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 30
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #12 on:
August 22, 2014, 04:24:40 AM »
I developed PTSD after trying to sort through the nightmare of what was wrong with my family of origin, a few years before I realised my daughter had BPD.
Before that I had anxiety and depression for a long time. Full blown PTSD involves panic attacks (they truly do feel as though you are about to die), increased 'startle response' which means that any small fright or unexpected touch initiates a response that is severe enough to make you want to vomit with fear. Also flashbacks, intense nightmares and an inability to tolerate environments like supermarkets as the noise, lights and crowds create an acute sense of terror. I left at least ten supermarket trolleys half-loaded and drove home before I realised what was going on.
PTSD is related to adrenal exhaustion. The adrenaline gland gets out of whack and overstimulated and then no longer knows when to shoot out heaps of adrenaline and when to just sit quietly.
With the study of it and medications you can get better. I have only had one panic attack in the past 3 years and supermarkets no longer bother me at all. I also developed fibromyalgia at the same time and this is now under control most of the time. I use the pain as a signal that I need to take it easy on myself and retreat from outside stressors, then the pain goes after a couple of days.
Best wishes to all who suffer the stress bp brings into daily life.
Logged
PaulaJeanne
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 106
Re: PTSD
«
Reply #13 on:
August 22, 2014, 03:53:23 PM »
OH YES--my therapist & my psychiatrist both agree I have PTSD! When my dd was across the country at the RTC program she ran away twice. I had some nightmarish experiences that I can't get over. One night she called us at 2am from a phone booth in southern California. She was alone and didn't know where she was in a deserted area! We did a reverse phone lookup to locate her, and we were able somehow to find a car service that agreed to take our credit card over the phone, pick her up and drive her to Covenant House in Hollywood. Covenant House would have picked her up but it was so late they had no drivers at that point.
The ring tone I had on my phone at the time was a default ring tone for iPhones. Everytime I hear that ring tone on someone else's phone, I have an anxiety attack.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
PTSD
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...