Aches and pain used as excuses

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

One thing I had read a lot online, although not sure if I read on these boards, was the physical ailments of pwBPD. My ex, from as long as I can remember, would always complain of headache, leg ache, backache, and a dozen different aches when she would feel flustered during an argument. If I call her out on something or she can't defend something she did, she would always end the conversation complaining about all these aches and with "I can't deal with this (the conversation) right now". One reason why we could never resolve anything. First, she has to be right. And if there is no way she can figure out a way to be right, she will suddenly have aches. I didn't know about BPD for so many years, but this was something I noticed years back. And while reading online, some places I read that because they are emotionally in so much pain, they actually feel physical pain. Or they just think they are in pain because they are emotionally triggered. I thought about it because last month that is exactly how we ended. She wanted to pass the blame onto me why we aren't married. Once I showed her its not me, its you... .she ended saying she has aches and will deal with this tomorrow (which never came because she is getting married to someone else).

[elessar]

One thing I had read a lot online, although not sure if I read on these boards, was the physical ailments of pwBPD. My ex, from as long as I can remember, would always complain of headache, leg ache, backache, and a dozen different aches when she would feel flustered during an argument. If I call her out on something or she can't defend something she did, she would always end the conversation complaining about all these aches and with "I can't deal with this (the conversation) right now". One reason why we could never resolve anything. First, she has to be right. And if there is no way she can figure out a way to be right, she will suddenly have aches. I didn't know about BPD for so many years, but this was something I noticed years back. And while reading online, some places I read that because they are emotionally in so much pain, they actually feel physical pain. Or they just think they are in pain because they are emotionally triggered. I thought about it because last month that is exactly how we ended. She wanted to pass the blame onto me why we aren't married. Once I showed her its not me, its you... .she ended saying she has aches and will deal with this tomorrow (which never came because she is getting married to someone else).

[Tincup]

I really believe my ex had so much stress and anxiety that she really did feel the aches and pains.  Although mine never used it as an excuse to not talk or discuss anything.  My ex also could never be wrong.  If she didn't want to discuss something she would always just use the excuse that she didn't want to "fight" with me, or she would just say she didn't want to talk about it period and avoid the conversation entirely.  Although I would get blasted with plenty of passive aggressive text messages about whatever the issue was.

Mine would use the aches and pains to get out of going out somewhere.  Than we would stay in and amazingly enough the pain was gone... .

[enlighten me]

I have also read about this and think that maybe they do suffer from physical pain when they get stressed.

I am of the opinion that BPD and most disorders are genetic. There are a lot of things with BPD that point to a hormone imbalance. Another thing that hormone imbalances can produce is pain. Raised estrogen levels for example have been linked to chronic joint pain.

[Mutt]

I'm 8 years older than my ex. I was in my 30s. She in her 20s. She would complain about aches, pains, migraines etc. I said she acted older than I am.  I believe most of it was to get my attention.

[Lolster]

It's possible they have a co-morbid somatoform disorder, so they may actually feel physical pain.

[RedDove]

Ditto! Similar to Tincup my exbf used aches and pains as an excuse to not go out AND to cancel plans. He even used his relatives having health issues as excuses. Very sad.  I believe it was stress related most times, as it would be plans to go out to see a band (crowd) or with a group of friends. He always had to be the center of my attention... .me, me, me. Didn't like family functions or large group interactions where my focus would be on others.