D16 pregnant pt ii

[SeaSprite]

D16 is pregnant, and convinced the guy to come pick her up in the middle of the night because she can't stand living here and she wants to start her life with him right now.

Her father talked to the police, there isn't much they can do since she's 16 and can have sex with whoever she wants.

Side note: I have to go with her to the doctor when she gets her iron tested every 3 months because she's a minor, and a blood draw is "an invasive procedure" but she can have sex with whoever she wants. Ok... .

But, if there are other laws being broken, they can address those.

So my ex is working with a private detective to do a background check and so on, focus on his military background, his supposed ex wife and child, and any criminal history, sex offenses, etc.

We can also talk to law enforcement about listing her as a runaway, and possibly file a restraining order against him.

I know he's full of %$#$, if he's special forces I'm President Obama. Maybe there is info that will hasten DD's disillusionment. Or, less likely, reassure me that he's not so bad. Ha.

My ex is willing to play bad cop, which is good because I want her to have a safe place to go, and that's pretty much me. I'd play bad cop if she could live with her dad, but he travels too much for his job to have her there.

I've been keeping in casual contact with her via text, both to know she's ok and keep the door open if she wants to leave him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MammaMia]

SeaSprite

Thanks for the update.

Using a PI is a good move.  Hopefully, they can get more information on dd's bf.  You need to know she is safe, and you have every right to do that.

Keep us posted, please.  We worry.

[.cup.car]

She can have sex with whomever but mommy is still legally required to take her to the doctor?

Point this out to police.

[tristesse]

SeaSprite,

No advice, I have nothing to offer here but an ear to listen and support for you

Just hang in there the best way that you can.

Thinking of you, bug hugs your way.

[SeaSprite]

Tris, thank you.

Cup, I wish. If she gets a blood draw for iron work, I have to be there. For any medical care related to sexual activity and its consequences, the age is something like 13. And I can only see those records if she gives consent.

At the doc, when I took her in for the depro shot and she was already pregnant, the doc had to have her permission to even call me back and tell me. She could have kept it to herself and I wouldn't know.

However, I am responsible for her medical bills if she can't pay them, because she is too young for binding financial contracts.

The law is intended to protect kids from parents who are intolerant or even abusive about sexual transgressions, but they kind of suck for parents who actually want to help.

I stayed up late last night cleaning up her room, and found all the things you'd expect. Ecig paraphenalia, booze bottle, empty, journals and letters about how I am unreasonable and controlling and driving her away, old pregnancy test instructions.

This is a kid who pretends to have a good relationship with me, who talks to me about some stuff and gives me hugs.

All her defiance is usually underground.

[.cup.car]

Not sure how it is in America, but I know in Canada parents can apply for court-ordered curfew and other restrictions. Basically something where BY LAW she would have to live at home and stay away from the guy.

When I got an EPO on my dad after he assaulted my aunt and I, the family ahead of my case was applying for court-ordered curfew/restrictions after their 16 year old daughter had gotten into the MDMA/Rave scene and wasn't coming home or going to school for days on end - and when she did come home, she was almost always on MDMA and doing incredibly bizarre stuff; downing a whole 2L Coke Bottle and Large Pizza to herself before sleeping for 18+ hours. Really heartbreaking to listen to. The judge granted it because it was obvious their daughter was out of control.

And it's the same concept, really. "But moom, raving is my lifestyle!" is really no different than "But moom, he's my boyfriend and we're going to be together forever!" The child, through drug use or mental illness, is convinced that their destructive behavior is somehow beneficial when it's clearly not.  I don't know what it's called or if it exists in America, but it exists up here. Reading this thread it's hard not to take jabs at our neighbors to the south; she is legally allowed restrict info about her sexual adventures as young as 13, but Mommy still has to come with her to the Dr's at 16. And yet it's totally fine with her to sleep with a 29 year old guy who most likely spends his time browsing the internet looking for other teen girls to manipulate.

That ain't right.

This hits home to me because I still remember the lectures we got in junior high & high school about the dangers of the internet, as well as a whole bunch of talks about unsafe relationships (you know, how it's not safe for teen girls to date guys in their 30's) - and yet here's a situation where literally every red flag in the book is present - and the police basically shrug their shoulders. Absolutely nuts.

I don't understand. I'm not obligated to care about your situation, like, at all, but this is pretty maddening.

The only other path I suggest is reaching out to one of her friends, and PRAYING that they didn't buy into her fictional tales of abuse (or they did, but still had doubts and didn't know how to voice them). Man, I was in High School not too long ago - I remember chicks in my grade who got **** on for dating guys only two years older than us. There's no way any of them are cool with the situation your daughter's in. Maybe try that avenue?

[SeaSprite]

I have reached out to her friends when I first made her break it off and then after we found out about the pregnancy.

She doesn't have many. I don't think they approve of the guy, but she is in her own la la land, I've read her messages, telling them how awesome he is and how great the sex is and how they are going to get married.

She thinks its cool... .Like it makes her a grownup. Better than them or something.

So many of her messages to him that I read were about how they are going to be together forever and have a family and so on and so on.

Thanks for the reminder... .i can try her friends again... .

And her dad is getting a background check, and we might try for a restraining order... .

[SeaSprite]

So I sent texts to her friends, she has been talking to them, they all say they don't approve of the guy and are worried about her, some trying to talk sense into her and one just giving support.

She just won't hear it, she is so sure. And the more we push, the more sure she is.

I keep hoping that I she stays for a while, disillusionment will set in before there is a baby.

Of course, she might still want to raise it without him, in which case guess who is going to be supporting her... .

I am so frustrated that she gets choices and I get obligations. Because my h and I wouldn't turn out the baby. We just don't roll like that.

[.cup.car]

So I sent texts to her friends, she has been talking to them, they all say they don't approve of the guy and are worried about her, some trying to talk sense into her and one just giving support.

She just won't hear it, she is so sure. And the more we push, the more sure she is.

This is positive news, to be honest. Confirms what I'd said earlier about the majority of teenagers not standing for that type of behavior, but sort of unsure how to rectify it.

---

There's three important questions that need to be asked:

1. How did this guy and your daughter meet?

This answer is important because how in the world do a 29 y/o man and 16 y/o girl meet in a casual, appropriate setting and then decide they have romantic feelings for each other? Society generally frowns on this sort of thing; exactly why and how were these barriers broken down?

You'll probably find out how much of a creep this guy is, but that's something you can bring to the police/courts.

2. Why, exactly, are her friends worried about her?

This answer is important because let's be real here for a second - they know things that you don't. They have pieces of the puzzle you didn't even know existed.

Kids aren't dumb and they know that certain behavior at sixteen years old is sketchy. Cheating is common, lying is common, manipulation is common. So 75% of the behavior that we on BPDF see as destructive, to high school kids, it's a part of growing up and making mistakes and everyone that age just sort of accepts that dumb **** happens during High School. But if the other 25% is making her friends worried, to the point where even High School girls are like "oh man, what do we do?" there's gotta be more than just the pregancy/age gap issue. This extra info might be useful; girls tell each other crap at that age.

3. What attempts have been made by her friends to confront her about her destructive behavior?

This answer is important because it shows who exactly cares about her. In High School, most kids will only put up with so much drama from a person before migrating to a different group of friends. I mean, it's school, you can do that. The ones who haven't abandoned her and have tried to talk some sense into her are the ones you bring over and talk face-to-face with.

Again, kids aren't dumb and understand the severity of the situation, they're just inexperienced in dealing with things like this. They know there is a problem, they recognize why it's a problem, and they want to help solve the problem, they just don't have the tools to solve the problem properly.

---

Get detailed answers from her friends, meet with one or two of them that seem to really care for her, and lay everything on the table in a very simple way. You have to emphasize that their friend/your daughter isn't in any trouble and it's okay to tell the truth, because you have reason to believe he's a creep and your daughter just happened to be the girl he preyed on - and that the whole "we're gonna be together forever and start a family" ideology your daughter keeps repeating is precisely what the dude was trying to capitalize on. Enough friends raging at her or publicly embarrassing her might get her to change her ways. I mean, nobody wants to be known as that girl who ran away from home at sixteen to have a kid with a dude twice her age. Nobody would willingly live up to that.

My educated guess is that she met him on an online dating site (that she probably lied about her age in order to sign up, which is a huge no-no), he told her outrageous lies to win her over because she's probably attractive, and by the time she reached the idealization phase (honestly it's not hard), it didn't matter to her that the dude was jobless living in mom's basement because that's BPD for you.

[SeaSprite]

cup- they met through a mutual friend (she is no longer friends, there was drama), a 19 year old girl from the college my d goes to. Her few current friends are worried because they want my d to do normal teenager stuff and she is talking about getting married. She doesn't really have a friend group, she has a few individual friends. It's not like she runs with a popular crowd where she cares about anyone's opinion. She's pretty, but in a in a quirky, ethnically ambiguous way that makes her stand out not fit in our upper middle class white bread community.

This guy lives in a smallish town and I imagine is hanging out with people younger than he is because people his own age are busy with jobs and families. Younger people are more his social equals. He lives with mom and grandparents.

My ex-h is still trying to get help through law-enforcement channels. I have a P-I working on a background check, checking criminal and marital/ child support records. He said he could attempt to find out his military history, but that those records are often not available. If he finds anything, it might be a reality check for my d. Even if she doesn't leave him, it will give her the information she needs.

My d is still in contact, she did go to school to take the final for her online summer class, and she is taking steps to get an OB within our insurance network.

My ex-h is frustrated with me because I am dragging my feet over the law enforcement angle. He has never been a stubborn, determined, teenaged girl, and I think he underestimates the lengths she will go through to stay with this guy. The harder we push, the more determined she becomes. And he reinforces her desire to separate from her family.

My first priority is to keep the doors open. As far as I know she has not spoken to her father since she left my house. She left behind a lot of material advantages, a nice house in a walkable area, a cute little Subaru for her use, her painting easel and supplies, her allowance. Not to mention her dogs, which she loves. When I told her she wouldn't have her allowance if she wasn't living with her parents, she said, I didn't expect that I would.

This isn't about not wanting to alienate my child, I'd give up seeing her forever if it meant she was safe and happy.

It seems to me that the best way to keep her safe it to keep the doors open, the communication open, so that she has somewhere to go when everything goes south with this loser.

[HealingSpirit]

  I'm so sorry nothing has changed!  I share your frustration with our backwards, mixed up laws that make us parents financially and legally responsible for everything to do with our minor children... .EXCEPT their fertility choices.  The minors get to make that call, but we parents get to be financially and legally responsible for whatever the minor child decides. It's ludicrous!  I feel so bad for you, SeaSprite! You are living my worst nightmare, and I fear my DD is going to follow yours along the same path and run to her BF to get away from us "abusive" monster parents.

We're lucky ours isn't pregnant yet. My DD just got what I thought was Norplant last week. Then she went to my sister's house at the beach for a nice getaway visit with my sis. The very next day, my DD texted ME to say she was having a bad reaction to the BC implant.  (I should mention my sis is an R.N. ) My sis assured me the wound site looked fine and that my DD is a "drama queen." (Tell me something I don't know.)

When I asked my DD what the patient handout said about potential side effects, she said they didn't give her any paperwork and she couldn't remember the name of the implant they'd just placed in her arm. GRRRRR!   I asked how long it is effective & she told me three months. (This is also wrong. It's 3 years.). I tried to look it up on the internet, but without the name, I had no idea. So I called the GYN office to ask the implant name and to ask for the patient paperwork about it.  They told me since my DD did not sign the consent form, they could not give me the name. And they would mail the info to my DD at our home address. FINE! Make me wait 3 days for the information to come to our house by mail. Send me the bill too. I'm sure I'll never know.

It's soo stupid! Last time my DD went for her annual exam, the doc did an STD screen.  Again, they weren't "allowed" to tell me about it, but I was legally allowed to receive a bill in the mail for the lab work. Who is this law kidding? And all because my DD is still 17. 

My heart just breaks from your story! It is truly a nightmare. I hope you get a glimpse of whatever silver lining may come from this cloud in your life.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SeaSprite]

Thank you healing spirit!

I got preliminary results from the PI, he said the guy has no record of a wife, divorce, or child support.

There is a mystery woman who is connected to their family with a different name, he doesn't know the relation.

He's going to do some phone calling and so on, see what he can find out. I'm thinking when I have more info I'll go visit my d at their house, see what I can sort out.

Her father has been talking to various law enforcement agencies about getting her brought home as a runaway, and one cop got all puffed up about things and asked my ex h if he was getting pushback from me and if they needed to call CPS!

I got a little heated when he told me that, explained to ex h very clearly that he hadn't been living with her for the past three years, and that no matter her age she isn't exactly an innocent victim, she's been acting out sexually with boys and girls for several years and now she's found someone she thinks will take care of her.

If i actually thought the guy would stay and not be a jerk, I might let it go. And, yes, I know how that sounds.

I told ex that she's stable at the moment, and I'd still like to pursue a diplomatic solution instead of nuking everything.

He is reluctantly waiting for me to get more info about the liar bf.

It is so weird, and the reason I didn't stop it sooner, she actually seems better with him. But he is such a lying mess of man child. And she is more responsible about school and so on, with him. Not making other good choices, obviously.

[SeaSprite]

I asked her in a text when she was coming home.

After some back and forth about still wanting to see him and me wanting more detailed biography and not promising anything, she said she was coming home and she showed up half an hour later.

She ate dinner and went to bed.

I wonder what is going on really.

[lever.]

Glad to hear that she's back - your softly,softly approach seems to be working. I agree with trying not to alienate her if at all possible-she is going to need you.

[MammaMia]

 

Perhaps bf's family was not as receptive as she thought?  Too many people and too little privacy.  Different "house rules", etc.  After all, bf is not living independently as an adult either.

I suspect the details will be shared when she is ready.

[SeaSprite]

Mama, I think that is right.

In our back and forth texts she said she wanted to come home for a while, there's not much space and she feels like a burden, but still wants to see him, still plans to live with him when he can move out "in a few months". Turns out she is also starting to feel nausea most of the day, so the first reality check of pregnancy is kicking in.

I asked if she could understand why I don't trust him.

She said yes but that his family is nice and they trust him.  And that she trusts him and wants to come home but not if she's going to be on "lock down."

I told her that sounds like blackmail, which she said isn't how she meant it.

I asked her a few questions about his ex wife and kids, she got defensive about me "interrogating" him.

I told her that there are things that I want to know about him before we can really have a useful conversation about her seeing him. I offered to come over and chat with him and his family. She said that since he doesn't trust me and I want him in jail, his family wouldn't want to see me.

I told her maybe she should run it by them.

A little while later she announced she was coming home, and he dropped her off here. So she gave up on her demands in favor of coming home, which is good. We haven't resolved anything, which isn't so good.

I am hoping against hope that she is starting to question his BS.

I think I am going to keep gently but persistently pushing the information angle, that I want information about this guy she wants to have in her family. Not ask her to do anything different, but ask for what I want in this situation where I am still legally responsible for her.

My heart is tired.

[peace in steel town]

Yeah, you should be tired. I like what you said, that she gets choices and we get obligations. Our 19 year old dd got pregnant on purpose, I guess she thought that would be a great idea. We get asked frequently if we would adopt the baby so children's aid doesn't take the baby away from her. And yes, the soft approach works better, nattering at her only gets nattering back at us, it's like two dogs snarling and barking at each other. Cup had a really good post, that if teenagers are alarmed at something, it must be pretty bad. Good luck, it only gets bumpier from here on.

[js friend]

We get asked frequently if we would adopt the baby so children's aid doesn't take the baby away from her.

Peace is it your dd asking if you will adopt the baby?

I would adopt my 2gc in a second if dd  came to me & was ready to give them up but because the state pays her money to keep them i think the money has become an issue rather than the welfare of the kids.She has a very good lifestyle from having these kids and has excess money which she blows through on internet shopping  mostly for herself instead of buying them the most basic things.

[HealingSpirit]

I told her that there are things that I want to know about him before we can really have a useful conversation about her seeing him. I offered to come over and chat with him and his family. She said that since he doesn't trust me and I want him in jail, his family wouldn't want to see me.

Ugh! This is EXACTLY what we're dealing with with our DD17 too. So frustrating and scary!

I had a heart-to-heart with my DD several weeks ago and told her DH & I would let her go to live with BF, but we wanted to have open lines of communication with BF and his family, since they would be her new support system. This made sense to her, but when she told her BF we wanted to talk to and get to know his family, he was instantly opposed to the idea. He told her THEY don't want to talk to us and we need to leave them out of it.  He doesn't trust us, or anyone.

A little while later she announced she was coming home, and he dropped her off here. So she gave up on her demands in favor of coming home, which is good. We haven't resolved anything, which isn't so good.

I am hoping against hope that she is starting to question his BS.

I think I am going to keep gently but persistently pushing the information angle, that I want information about this guy she wants to have in her family. Not ask her to do anything different, but ask for what I want in this situation where I am still legally responsible for her.

I'm so glad she came home! I know the situation is far from resolved, but perhaps reality is sinking in a bit more than she is letting on. Cramped living quarters with a different family, different rules & routines, and Morning sickness are all powerful natural consequences that take the fun out of pregnancy and "setting up house" together.

My heart hurts for you!

[SeaSprite]

That was quick, she's gone again. Gave her the facts of life, that if she leaves again she does not have my permission and i have to report her as a runaway, both to protect her and my own liability because I'm legally responsible for her. I told her I honestly don't know what they will do, bit that to some extent it will be out of my hands.

I'm waiting in the pd parking lot for an officer to meet with me. I've given the report to dispatch.

[js friend]

oh Seasprite, Iam sorry to hear of this latest development.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

 

let us know how it goes

[SeaSprite]

Ugh, got the worst baby rookie boy ever, told me I should've locked her in her room.

Had to make some more calls to get better information, turns out she's not a bleeping runaway if I know where she is.

But I can get a police assist to bring her home, from the local pd where he lives. And if she refuses, she goes to cps and foster care.

I texted this info, hoping she'll choose home over foster care.

[HealingSpirit]

  This whole situation is so out-of-control-frustrating! If I am feeling let down by the botched way the police handled this, I can not even imagine how disappointed and angry you feel! 

I'm impressed by your stamina and resilience. I wish there were something I could say or do to help.

hang in there!

[SeaSprite]

Update:

The threat worked, she came home.

I spent some time on the phone with a friend who lived on her own as a teen for a while, and who is also a very smart and caring friend and parent.

After a couple of hours on the phone, with her asking lots of good questions and giving intelligent, helpful, non-judgmental advice, here is where we are.

Since she is planning to have this baby and live with this guy, but is obviously living in a fantasy bubble about how this will work, it's my job to get her prepared for the reality. Not in a scaring her kind of way, but in a "these are your responsibilities when you become a parent, to prepare for these contingencies" kind of way.

She still wants to see him, of course, and if they are having a child together it doesn't really make sense not to let her. But I have that on hold until her father and I meet with her and the guy, to talk over their plans and intentions, and until I meet with his family.

His mom says she'll meet with me, although she says she'll talk about the baby, but walk out if I'm grilling her about her son. The grandparents (who everyone is living with) got their nose out of joint that I don't trust them or whatever and don't want to talk to me. I said that's fine but that she will not be staying at their house overnight. (Or if she does I'll be showing up with a cop at their door).

I told her she needs to live with a parent or guardian until she is 18 or emancipated. She then found emancipation forms online and wanted me to sign them, with the stated reason "to live with the father of her child". I gave her the rundown of what the actual requirements are for emancipation, that it doesn't mean go live with another family.

I bought her the "what to expect when you're expecting" and "baby's first year" books.

We talked about budgeting, listing what she knows and still needs to figure out about their financial situation.

We talked about what happens if they break up, or he dies, or becomes disabled, and how she needs a plan in place for that.

We talked about school and childcare and what she needs in place for that.

Transportation.

School.

Etc Etc. I wrote everything down as we brainstormed, and she has the list.

I told her she was supposed to have 4-5 years until she was an adult (to finish college), and that now she has 7 months, so this is mommy bootcamp.

She keeps acting like I'm kicking her out if she keeps the child, and I keep saying, no, I never said that, don't put words in my mouth. I said I didn't have plans to adopt a child. That if she has a baby, it's her job to take care of it, find childcare, and so on, but that she'd always have a place to stay.

The guys mom says she'll help with childcare. My question for her is going to be "with what level of commitment?" My child is making choices partially based on this offer of help, but  if they break up, does she still want to babysit? What if she moves or gets a job or whatever?

The guy doesn't even have a job yet. He is supposed to start working soon as a security guard at a casino, but his background check is in a queue of 25, and he's still waiting. He makes it sound like he has the job, but I think it sounds as fishy as everything else he says, because if there are that many people in line ahead of him, how many people are they hiring? Whatever.

I am still hoping against hope that she will decide not to have and keep a child. But if she does, I'm going to do everything in my power to get her ready. That poor child. 

[.cup.car]

You literally hear ALL THE TIME about how awful, inappropriate, and illegal it is for older men to pursue and manipulate girls still in high school. These people are paraded around national television and publicly embarrassed, ON TOP OF whatever charges they face. Because of this, everyone's given the peace of mind that if it happens in their own life, they know it'll be dealt with immediately.

And yet, SeaSprite does practically everything right in handling the situation - and gets shot down by nearly everyone due to technicalities. These threads have gone from "oh God some weirdo who lives in his mom's basement got my kid pregnant" to "she's keeping it and convinced they're going to start a family" and yet everyone she comes across who could potentially help her only spew technicalities and other legal jargon at her.

How are people not able to see the human element in this?

[SeaSprite]

It's a little messed up. Understatement.

On reflection, I do not actually know that the grandparents don't want to talk to me, or even that the guy asked them. I only have that report filtered through my d, and since both she and bf have a history of lies lies lies, who knows if he even approached grandparents.

It is very likely reluctant to have his version of events challenged.

We'll see how things go over the next week or so, I can always approach grandparents (politely) directly if I'm getting stonewalled by the bf.

BPD theme song... ."Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated... ."

[theplotthickens]

Seasprite, you are an oasis of calm and reason in this crazy situation.  I don't know how you are doing it, but keep it up!  You sound like you are really skilled at keeping the main thing the MAIN THING. 

I can't remember off the top of my head what all your child's diagnoses are, and whether she has made attempts in the past or had past hospitalizations.  If she is unstable, another option available to you is to get guardianship of her before she turns 18.  I have a court date for this coming up, and it is pretty painless.  I wanted to throw that out there in order to expand your options.

It sounds like your dd is too immature to understand much of what you are trying to tell her.  And yet her body is mature enough to make a baby.  You are doing a fantastic job... .way better than I could do!  Kudos to you.

[theplotthickens]

I have reported my daughter as a runaway many times, and it is pretty painless.  From then on, if the police are informed that she is at a residence without parental permission, they will go there and retrieve her.   I would encourage you to follow through on that boundary, not matter what noise your daughter makes.   My dd has manipulated me so many times with her running away, cutting, suicide attempts, etc. 

At the same time, maybe there is a way to make her life more joyful and meaningful apart from hooking up with guys?  I have told my daughter many times that misery is not my goal... .I WANT her to be healthy and happy.  Does your daughter have any interests beyond this guy?  Is she involved with things at her school?  What could she get excited about that would give her motivation and a healthy identity?  I can't remember if she sees a DBT trained therapist; but that would be on my short list also.

Is she open to revisiting the idea of adoption, or finding parents for an open adoption?  Would an open adoption be something that could at least get that path back on the table?  I am sure she is a ball of emotions right now.  Her intentions and plans will change by the day, I imagine.

She is very fortunate to have a good mom like you.

[SeaSprite]

Unfortunately, all she wants is this guy.

But thank you for the reminder, you spurred me to text her few friends again to check in and try to keep them connected.

I met with his mom and grandparents today, they seemed nice enough, and all at least acted surprized that she is 16. He acted like a sulky teenaged boy. My d seemed more mature and together than he did, pathetic for a 29 year old, but what would I expect.

They both still claim to be in love, want to raise the child.

I let everyone know that my d needs to live with her parents until she is 18 or emancipated, hoping that puts an end to the runaway problem.

One problem down, nine hundred ninety nine more to go.

[MammaMia]

SeaSprite

DD's bf did not tell his family her age?  Interesting.  I wonder what else he has not told them.  

I suspect this information may create a "what are you thinking?" family discussion.  At least I hope so.

Time for a reality check.

[HealingSpirit]

One problem down, nine hundred ninety nine more to go.

Thank you for keeping your sense of humor, SeaSprite!  I don't know HOW you're staying so beautifully calm and pragmatic about this dreadful situation. You're an example for us all!

Thank you. 

[SeaSprite]

Thanks healingspirit. I'm not sure about calm though, might be bordering on clinical depression. 

Which probably looks a little like calm. 

[HealingSpirit]

Thanks healingspirit. I'm not sure about calm though, might be bordering on clinical depression. 

Which probably looks a little like calm. 

You know? I understand this a little bit too well. I have been on Prozac since my DD was 14. There is only so much beating up and stress a person can take before it wears us down.

I really appreciate your sense of humor through the turmoil you're going through. It really helps me to chuckle at the absurdity of all we go through.  I'd rather laugh than cry any day, and some days either one, or both may apply.

 

[theplotthickens]

On that topic, sometimes a glass of wine can look a whole lot like a good coping mechanism.  You know, things look better with a glass of merlot and a good dessert.  You are due for something pretty lavish, after all you've been through!

[HealingSpirit]

On that topic, sometimes a glass of wine can look a whole lot like a good coping mechanism.  You know, things look better with a glass of merlot and a good dessert.  You are due for something pretty lavish, after all you've been through!

I couldn't agree more. I second the toast! 

[peace in steel town]

Sea sprite, how far along is your daughter? Things may change when she gets closer to the due date, when she is not so cute and fun, bf may move onto greener pastures. Doesn't change that you have a pregnant daughter, just what problem you have to deal with today. As far as the question posed by Js friend, yes, dd wants us to adopt the baby so children's aid won't take it away at birth, and they would be okay with that. The problem is that even if we adopt this baby, there is nothing to stop dd from cranking out several more, and we can't adopt all of them. Our dd got pregnant on purpose, and I think that having a baby was one way of staying on welfare as long as possible.   

[SeaSprite]

I've just finished a bit of gin on the rocks. Feeling mellow. 

D is only 9-10 weeks. I keep expecting him to move on... .he might actually be working on leaving now... .He is gone for 17 days of National Guard training out of state, and he is hoping to qualify for another round that will be 12 weeks after that. We'll see... .

She seems pretty attached to the idea of being a mom.

Today she was supposed to start her new quarter at the college, but she was too sick to go. Urg.

My older d (who had a difficult time of it until recently) has said she's glad not to be the identified problem anymore, since she'd have to be a coke addict to be worse than sixteen and pregnant. So competitive! She is doing well though, she has a new job that is the first rung on her career ladder.

Now if only younger d would get with the program!

[theplotthickens]

Hi Sea Sprite,

I'm a Beefeater girl myself.    How did this week go?  You are in  my thoughts and prayers.  May you find strength, wisdom and hope.  How do you feel within yourself and how are you coping?  Sending hugs your way.