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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Having a bad day - feeing sad  (Read 489 times)
Popcorn71
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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« on: August 28, 2014, 04:07:22 AM »

Just over a year out and I thought I was doing well.  Today I woke up feeling sad and tearful.

My ex has been on mind constantly for the past couple of weeks.  I almost feel back to where I was a year ago.

I think I may have been keeping too busy and trying to hard to ignore what I 'should' be feeling.  I have been happy but I have not been living the life I truly wanted although I see that I wouldn't have had that life with him either.  The past few months have been better than I would have had with him so why do I feel so sad?  Why can't I get him out of my head?
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BuildingFromScratch
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2014, 04:14:01 AM »

Sorry you are feeling sad. I also struggle with staying too busy and am feeling kind of down too. I think we need to view it in quantity. We may never get over it, or we might. Who knows? But things are getting better right? In the end all perspectives either come from a constructive place or a negative place. It's hard to train ourselves to be positive, but it's the only answer. I'm 3 years out myself, and I'm still on these boards, I get pessimistic sometimes too, but things have gotten tons better.

PS: Hope you feel better!
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elessar
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« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2014, 10:07:44 AM »

Hi Popcorn,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a down day. We all go through this. It is just a process, and you do know pretty soon you will pass this phase. I do not know why you can't get him out of your head after a year. I couldn't get my ex out of my head during her 4 year disappearance. After around a year and a half I stopped feeling tortured and her thoughts stopped consuming me, and within 2-3 years I started to live fully again... .but never felt I had moved on.

So I don't know how long it will take for you. Maybe we feel sad because we are left in confusion. If any other type of relationship ends, we know the reason. With this, we really do not know. It is all good today, all bad tonight. Today he might want to marry you, and yesterday and tomorrow he tells that you guys have nothing in common. It all gets very confusing. And I guess accepting that confusion is very hard, which is why we are stuck. We are just left with "what/why/how" while they move on as if nothing was a big deal.
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Popcorn71
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« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2014, 01:33:46 PM »

Maybe we feel sad because we are left in confusion. If any other type of relationship ends, we know the reason. With this, we really do not know. It is all good today, all bad tonight.

And I guess accepting that confusion is very hard, which is why we are stuck. We are just left with "what/why/how" while they move on as if nothing was a big deal.

I think you have hit the nail on the head here.  The questions are still running around in my mind.  I really don't have a clue why he suddenly went from totally adoring me and looking forward to the future, to abusing my son and blaming him for all the evil in the world and suddenly running off with the replacement to a much worse life.  There is no explanation!  That's what really does my head in.
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Popcorn71
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 483



« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2014, 01:36:23 PM »

But things are getting better right? In the end all perspectives either come from a constructive place or a negative place. It's hard to train ourselves to be positive, but it's the only answer.

Thanks for your support.  I feel a bit happier now.  I suppose one bad day after approximately 60 good ones isn't too bad really.  I think it's too easy to blame my sadness on the breakup when in reality it could be down to all sorts of things.  Even people without a care in the world have bad days so I really shouldn't worry.  I guess it's normal 
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