lets talk about BPD's ex's

[Depression = 72% of members]

What is it about our expwBPDs' ex's?  Why do these ex's allow the BPDers back into their lives?  It is very common as I read all these articles that pwBPD generally goes back to ex's.  But if they apparently drove these exes insane like they did with us, why do they reconcile?  Heres the thing:

On this board and other various websites, it appears we are all training/preparing ourselves to avoid being recycled.  And to "run for our lives".  From the articles and forums, we believe that the way we are treated is how our pwBPD will treat future significant others.  So we should assume they treated their exes this way.

So these "exes", if they were treated the same way as we were treated,  why in the world would they take back the expwBPD?  are the ones that do are just less educated?  I guess I'd like to think so.

I guess I wont know until I receive my first attempted recycle.  Maybe i might just cave and give in just like the ex's.   But I totally doubt a recycle will happen in my circumstance.  And my attitude towards it is to not to take her back ever.

What is it abou them that makes them allow the BPDers to come back for a "relationship"

Is it because they are not researchers like us and are oblivious to the disorder? Are they just more desperate than us?  I know these questions and assumptions sound negative.   But I just dont understand why if our expwBPD (mines undiagnosed fwiw btw) drove us insane, why would the exes prior to us would even want the pwBPD to come back into their lives?  

The whole thing seems almost contradictory to me?  

[LuckyNicki]

What is it about our expwBPDs' ex's?  Why do these ex's allow the BPDers back into their lives?  It is very common as I read all these articles that pwBPD generally goes back to ex's.  But if they apparently drove these exes insane like they did with us, why do they reconcile?  Heres the thing:

On this board and other various websites, it appears we are all training/preparing ourselves to avoid being recycled.  And to "run for our lives".  From the articles and forums, we believe that the way we are treated is how our pwBPD will treat future significant others.  So we should assume they treated their exes this way.

So these "exes", if they were treated the same way as we were treated,  why in the world would they take back the expwBPD?  are the ones that do are just less educated?  I guess I'd like to think so.

I guess I wont know until I receive my first attempted recycle.  Maybe i might just cave and give in just like the ex's.   But I totally doubt a recycle will happen in my circumstance.  And my attitude towards it is to not to take her back ever.

What is it abou them that makes them allow the BPDers to come back for a "relationship"

Is it because they are not researchers like us and are oblivious to the disorder? Are they just more desperate than us?  I know these questions and assumptions sound negative.   But I just dont understand why if our expwBPD (mines undiagnosed fwiw btw) drove us insane, why would the exes prior to us would even want the pwBPD to come back into their lives?  

The whole thing seems almost contradictory to me?  

[camuse]

I felt really sorry for the ex of mine. Seemed like a nice guy who continued to help her out when she needed a favour. She used to say awful things about him to me and told me private things about him. She boasted how her ex would take her back at any time. She said she simply got bored of him one day and left. He probably still thinks it was all his fault and has no idea of BPD poor guy. I know about it, and I was treated terribly, but I'm not 100% sure I could never fall prey to a recyle, given the right circumstances and the right words, so he has no chance.

[pieceofme]

i have often wondered if my ex's ex has some sort of PD herself. she went to great lengths to destroy his life, our relationship and then to get him back. she tried to get him fired from his job, filed several false police reports against him, stole property from his house, hacked my instagram account, faked a pregnancy and abortion, cheated with him two days before he was to move in with me, created a fake instagram account to publicly cyber bully me (this is sadly ongoing), threatened to beat me up... .i'm sure you get the picture. they have an even more tumultuous relationship than he created with me, but she was desperate to get him back. even though i have no sympathy for my ex, i don't understand why he would go back to her. nothing about it makes sense to me.

[LuckyNicki]

i have often wondered if my ex's ex has some sort of PD herself. she went to great lengths to destroy his life, our relationship and then to get him back. she tried to get him fired from his job, filed several false police reports against him, stole property from his house, hacked my instagram account, faked a pregnancy and abortion, cheated with him two days before he was to move in with me, created a fake instagram account to publicly cyber bully me (this is sadly ongoing), threatened to beat me up... .i'm sure you get the picture. they have an even more tumultuous relationship than he created with me, but she was desperate to get him back. even though i have no sympathy for my ex, i don't understand why he would go back to her. nothing about it makes sense to me.

Sounds like she does have some kind of problem.  That's sounds like a ton of drama.  Your ex though, if he has BPD, then u should already know why he would go back to any ex.  And that's for supply based on our current studies here on bpdfamily and other websites and forums.   They all seem to commonly conclude to this as the reason.

My ex alluded to me when I was with her that she would go back to any ex.  There was one ex that she did say in her words "now thats an ex I would not go back to".  It was weird to me at the time but I didnt think anything of it.   Now I know ... .

[pieceofme]

a TON of drama. i am the most calm, unemotional person i know. (do you remember the mtv cartoon, daria? that's me!) very out of character for me to put up with that crap.

i did figure he would go back to her eventually. she put up a great fight and was there waiting when he "needed" her. he told me he would never be with her again because she has tried to ruin his life so many times, but that she's better than being alone 

your story made me laugh. did she go back to the ex she said she wouldn't?

[Loveofhislife]

Good morning--the answer in my case is that exbfBPD carefully selected his victims who he characterized as, "needing  his help." I'm quite certain he has justified his felonious actions with  me the same.  His first wife had been the victim of child abuse.  His second wife came from an alcoholic home; she was a "psycho."  He left the second wife for a woman he worked with who was "controlling." He returned to the second wife after abandoning her and their two young boys--because, "He missed his children."  If he has returned to doors number 1, 2, 3 or one I don't know about, I wouldn't be surprised.  They recycle because it's a known commodity that they believe they can CONTROL.  My guess about the exes is that there is a real addictive quality about these pwBPD.  Why does a drug addict go back to the very drug that has nearly killed them?  Why does an alcoholic take another drink when they have a cirrhotic liver or pancreatic cancer?  I'm a self proclaimed adrenalin addict who has since learned that I have a disorder created from the stress/cortisol that exbfBPD created.  I have very little doubt that he will come in for a recycle of me, so I am fortifying my boundaries on this board, with  my T and physicians, and ESPECIALLY with close family and friends who have threatened to have be committed if I even consider going back to my exbfBPD wrecking crew.  Sadly, I do think some of his exes probably returned to his abuse because of shared children, which makes me really sad. :'(

[topknot]

In my humble opinion, the ex's had issues of their own.  He told me at the end, stop trying to analyze me - go analyze yourself.  As I told him,  the ones that would take him back are either unhappily married and looking for a little "stepping out", are needy and clingy and will take whatever crumbs he throws, or the ones he likes the best - cold beyotches that make him chase them. I guess I was just looking for a regular old relationship, and that could not be done - I didn't provide the impulsive excitement.

[Pieter2]

It is mostly because they are stable people and were really only ever F**buddies with them. The normal relationship that a BPD has is one where the healthy person just wants to F*** them and the BPD thinks it is more serious but it's really not. So yes, they "take them back" but that's just in a f***buddy capacity. The BPD thinks though that it is super serious. This happens 99% of the time.

[LuckyNicki]

I wouldnt say most of the time.  I read a lot on p wBPDs having actual relationships with their exes.  It just only lasts so long.

The thing is, if we are all here trying to strategize ways to avoid being recycle and this can be a  struggle as we may cave, what does that tell us about our pwBPD exes

[Popcorn71]

i have often wondered if my ex's ex has some sort of PD herself. she went to great lengths to destroy his life,

Yes, I have wondered this too.  My exBPDh's ex wife aborted their child against his wishes, spent like a maniac, never had time for him, went on all sorts of expensive holidays with friends (without him) and eventually left him and their kids for another man.  She appears to be a kind and caring professional person in public but I know of several people who really didn't like her.  I don't think her public persona is the genuine one.  Although he spoke badly of her, he kept in touch way too much for my liking and if it hadn't have been for the fact that she was 'in love' with another man at the time he left me, I would have expected them to get back together.  I am sure my ex actually wanted a woman who would treat him badly.  He certainly didn't want one who treated him well.

[pieceofme]

i have often wondered if my ex's ex has some sort of PD herself. she went to great lengths to destroy his life,

I am sure my ex actually wanted a woman who would treat him badly.  He certainly didn't want one who treated him well.

that's some truth! my ex is the same.