Empty looks and regret.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So im officially done. Im detaching from the wounds of this long since failed relationship. Today she finally crossed the line. She went to far. Put the nails in our coffin. Buried our love instead of the hatchet. Today i hurt enough and opened up my eyes.

I went to her work. Shes ignored all attempts at calls or texts. I had business we needed to attend to for far too long. With personal things that are going on in my life it needed to happen. She gave me no choice. I didnt go to get her back or even be her friend.(though at that point I was still hoping we could be someday) I went to tie up loose ends.

Shes so cold. Just got off work. I tried to talk to her but she just got into OUR car. (I say our car because i payed half for it.) Called out to what i have to assume is my new replacement "see hes here". The guy looks around the corner with a look of disgust like im some stalker.(proves her smear campaigns and why she wouldnt take me in her work when we recycled.) She just looks at me as she drives past... with those cold eyes. As if we never shared almost two years together with any love or intimacy. That the person who gave her his virginity was a stranger. I try to mouth we need to talk she just mouths "no". I stand in front of the car for a moment trying to get her to talk. Its no use. I dont want it to escalate. I walk away. She drives away.

Congratulations, you lost me. 

 

[Chasing_Ghosts]

So im officially done. Im detaching from the wounds of this long since failed relationship. Today she finally crossed the line. She went to far. Put the nails in our coffin. Buried our love instead of the hatchet. Today i hurt enough and opened up my eyes.

I went to her work. Shes ignored all attempts at calls or texts. I had business we needed to attend to for far too long. With personal things that are going on in my life it needed to happen. She gave me no choice. I didnt go to get her back or even be her friend.(though at that point I was still hoping we could be someday) I went to tie up loose ends.

Shes so cold. Just got off work. I tried to talk to her but she just got into OUR car. (I say our car because i payed half for it.) Called out to what i have to assume is my new replacement "see hes here". The guy looks around the corner with a look of disgust like im some stalker.(proves her smear campaigns and why she wouldnt take me in her work when we recycled.) She just looks at me as she drives past... with those cold eyes. As if we never shared almost two years together with any love or intimacy. That the person who gave her his virginity was a stranger. I try to mouth we need to talk she just mouths "no". I stand in front of the car for a moment trying to get her to talk. Its no use. I dont want it to escalate. I walk away. She drives away.

Congratulations, you lost me. 

 

[workinprogress]

Chasing Ghosts, listen to me.  When you make up your mind to leave, stay the course.  Don't look back!

Be strong brother!

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thank you workinprogress for your words of encouragement.

May this post stand as a testament to my road to recovery.

I will be strong brother! Ive been weak for her for far too long!

I made it two months w/o any contact so i know i can do this.

No more recycles. No more chances. NO MORE CONTACT! 

Im ready ready to heal.

[workinprogress]

Thank you workinprogress for your words of encouragement.

May this post stand as a testament to my road to recovery.

I will be strong brother! Ive been weak for her for far too long!

I made it two months w/o any contact so i know i can do this.

No more recycles. No more chances. NO MORE CONTACT! 

Im ready ready to heal.

No problem, Chasing Ghosts.

I have felt that I should leave many times over the years.  I stayed, and nothing ever improved.  Tonight, it came upon me that I have had enough, also.  I just can't give anymore.

I don't care about finding anyone else.  I am tired of being the only one making an effort.

Listen to your gut and what it is telling you.

I think I will tell my wife that it is over tomorrow.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I do feel for you my friend. I too wanted to leave many times over these two years especially lately after learning and objectively assessing all the lies,cheating and manipulations. The cheating is whats doing it for me the most. I mean i gave this girl my virginity and for me that was something special i was saving for the right girl. A gift. Well apparently she doesnt view it that way if shes able to sleep with other men without so much as a second thought. Sex is just validation to her. Nothing more. I deserve real intimacy and someone to share, love, and bond with. Theyre just not capable of such a connection.

I found the hardest part of leaving is the idea we keep perpetuating in out heads that somehow itll be different or improve every succeeding time. When in reality this is just our hopes. Plus we invest so much into these relationships that we cling to this hope even further. But eventually this "false hope" becomes foolish and we become tired of one sided efforts as you stated. We reach a point i agree that we cant give anymore because to do so is destroying us from the inside out. As we have nothing left for ourselves to function and take care of even our most basic needs let alone to sustain happiness. 

I will listen to my gut and i hope you do as well.

You stay strong too mate and do what you feel must be done with your wife.

Leaving her could be your chance you need to start to find your happiness.

Thats a chance we all deserve.

[workinprogress]

I do feel for you my friend. I too wanted to leave many times over these two years especially lately after learning and objectively assessing all the lies,cheating and manipulations. The cheating is whats doing it for me the most. I mean i gave this girl my virginity and for me that was something special i was saving for the right girl. A gift. Well apparently she doesnt view it that way if shes able to sleep with other men without so much as a second thought. Sex is just validation to her. Nothing more. I deserve real intimacy and someone to share, love, and bond with. Theyre just not capable of such a connection.

I found the hardest part of leaving is the idea we keep perpetuating in out heads that somehow itll be different or improve every succeeding time. When in reality this is just our hopes. Plus we invest so much into these relationships that we cling to this hope even further. But eventually this "false hope" becomes foolish and we become tired of one sided efforts as you stated. We reach a point i agree that we cant give anymore because to do so is destroying us from the inside out. As we have nothing left for ourselves to function and take care of even our most basic needs let alone to sustain happiness. 

I will listen to my gut and i hope you do as well.

You stay strong too mate and do what you feel must be done with your wife.

Leaving her could be your chance you need to start to find your happiness.

Thats a chance we all deserve.

Very well said.