some days are so hard

[hope2727]

Well technically he left me so I guess I am actually in "i am adjusting to him gone mode" but in reality I still feel committed to him in my heart.

I read here and wait and continue with my life and try to keep going. I spent the day working in an office that is literally hell for me. I came home to more work in preparing my rental suite for new occupants. I feel completely drained and hollow and hopeless.

I know he is back from a 2 week stint out of town for work. I found out today that 10 days after freaking out and ending our 3 year relationship he took another woman away to our romantic get away for a weekend. I should kick him in the teeth and move on but I feel this stupid hopeless deep connection to him. I would really like someone to tell me its ok to feel crazy tonight.

I have called everyone on my support list and no one can even call me back tonight. What is wrong with me that I have eroded so much of myself to feel this lousy? How did the gas lighting and slow creep of verbal and emotional abuse lead to this? and more to the point how do I release myself or at least set some healthy boundaries?

Ok sorry. Just venting to the choir. At least you guys get it. Thanks for listening.

[Caramel]

Hi Hope2727

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult night. It's one of those nights for me too. I was dumped six months ago,never heard from him again. I'm still committed to him too. It's crazy, isn't it Hope? It's OK to feel crazy tonight. 

You have been very strong today Hope. You should give yourself some credit. You successfully managed a day at your hell office, and prepared the property while waiting patiently for your heart to heal. You've done a great job. You are great. 

As we learn to love ourselves healthy boundaries will come automatically.

Give yourself time. You are not alone. It does get better.

Give yourself a big hug. Give Hope love. 

[hope2727]

Thanks. He just sent me the "just the when and how" of how to collect the rest of his stuff email. How cold. How could this be the person who loved me so dearly not that long ago? How can it be the same man who adored me now disdains me? So painful.

Thanks for all the support. It really is the loneliest place in the world.