Do you want to contact their ex/family to see if they were like that with them?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My BPDw would always tell me how awful people in her life were to her. I know it takes two to tango. I am just dying to know if they went through the same thing that I am going through with her.

She claims that her and her ex husband never fought. It was just that he was a cheater, drinker and occasional drug user. After two kids and several years of her taking all his crap, HE LEFT HER.

She is estranged from her sisters. She has tales of how they both let her down, treated her badly, are not there for her. THEY cut her off.

She has no friends. She told me stories of how each close friend let her down, did mean things to her.

Back to her ex husband I remember an incident when I went to see him about some paperwork. My wife and her ex were not on good terms (obviously, right) so I went. I made it clear to her ex previously that I personally had no quarrel with him and he could deal with me if something came up. Long story short I was in his house and his girlfriend told me, not in a hostile way, but in more of a imploring way, "there is something very wrong with this woman. Her family won't even speak to her anymore". I dismissed it as sour grapes and was offended that she would talk about my wife that way. Now, years later, I can't get that out of my head.

Has anybody on this board ever contacted those the BPDs discarded?

I guess I am looking for some validation that she is the crazy one and not me or better still, that I am not the only one she was crazy with!

[michel71]

My BPDw would always tell me how awful people in her life were to her. I know it takes two to tango. I am just dying to know if they went through the same thing that I am going through with her.

She claims that her and her ex husband never fought. It was just that he was a cheater, drinker and occasional drug user. After two kids and several years of her taking all his crap, HE LEFT HER.

She is estranged from her sisters. She has tales of how they both let her down, treated her badly, are not there for her. THEY cut her off.

She has no friends. She told me stories of how each close friend let her down, did mean things to her.

Back to her ex husband I remember an incident when I went to see him about some paperwork. My wife and her ex were not on good terms (obviously, right) so I went. I made it clear to her ex previously that I personally had no quarrel with him and he could deal with me if something came up. Long story short I was in his house and his girlfriend told me, not in a hostile way, but in more of a imploring way, "there is something very wrong with this woman. Her family won't even speak to her anymore". I dismissed it as sour grapes and was offended that she would talk about my wife that way. Now, years later, I can't get that out of my head.

Has anybody on this board ever contacted those the BPDs discarded?

I guess I am looking for some validation that she is the crazy one and not me or better still, that I am not the only one she was crazy with!

[Mutt]

I have a SD and I contacted her SM, my exes first r/s and he is still with the same partner after my ex and him broke-up 15 years ago.

I didn't have a r/s with SD's dad or SM because my exe never had anything good to say about them. She split them black but I didn't understand what black and white thinking was in the r/s. I have actually become very close friends with the SM.

They had gone through tremendous difficulties with my ex over the years with child access. My ex had told me that he was abusive and that he had wanted nothing to do with SD. My ex was distorting.

I had reached out to SM after the split because I wanted to trace BPD trait patterns in her past. The same behaviors I had experienced after my exes smear campaign and being split black were there all along.

The descriptions of her exe and his family wasn't the truth. I told them my heart goes out to them and it must of been truly difficult not knowing that they were dealing with a mental illness. We support each other and I communicate with SM via FB.

I don't think that there's a right or wrong here. From my experience after my smear campaign I had support from people that had through their own distortion campaign. The mutual friends and family that have sided with my ex have done just that - sided.

From my experience the truth tends to be where people are distorted, devalued and denigrated as my ex doesn't want people to know the truth. I can't say all believe her but one of her friends did come out and called me a " monster" and praised her for freeing herself from an abusive husband.

That shows me how some friends remain loyal irregardless of how many times they likely hear the same patterns over the years. They enable the behaviors. I don't bother trying to win over or talk to her friends. I'm pretty sure that some of them thought her actions and words are not quite right over the years.

Are you looking for piece of mind that she does in fact  have a history there?

[pavilion]

I am going through the very same feelings. My exBPDbf had no friends, was estranged from his family and claimed they were all awful people. I never met any of them properly. I only met his ex wife briefly once to pick up his children but didn't get to speak to her.

I think you can safely say that your ex was twisting the truth a lot! So far I have resisted finding out for sure but the temptation is sometimes unbearable. If you are anything like me you want to know how much you have been lied to and need something to back up your gut feeling. I think the best thing to do is try and allow the thoughts to come in but realise that you do not have to act on them.

I look forward to seeing replies from anyone who has had contact with exes who were painted black.

[Tolou]

I only contact ed her family when she  was suicidal and her mother wasn't of much help except blaming me for her suicidal attempts. when I contacted her brother for help he told Mr himself go file a restraining  order against her  that could really die. he also told me she was s liar and that her and his mother were not right in head. I changed my numbers shortly after and just took head to what he said he sounded  like the most rational one, but it didn't make it easier. I believe once their triggered we see the chaos within themselves spill out and after that it's egg shells