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Author Topic: Was your replacement "better" than you?  (Read 6214 times)
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 494


« Reply #60 on: September 05, 2014, 05:19:54 PM »

There a so many wise words spoken/written by (Senior) members/Ambassadors about our journey, which still help me remember where I started and where I am today! Despite the fact of knowing BPD a few yrs. before the end of the r/s.

Thanks to ALL!

For those who have a long way to go, please absorb this knowledge like a sponge and keep concentrating on you! Regularly you will be astonished about the distance already left behind.

Questioning the replacement better or not than you.

For those who can need it for the road ahead, some quotes from the past on this Board.

# pwBPD do love, crave for it, do what is needed to get it. It fills up their loneliness.   

# pwBPD are like chameleons. When the audience is gone, they sees to exists.

# after the passion of new love subsidies pwBPD become bored and move on. If they choose to stay (fear of abandonment) the struggle begins, ending in outbursts out of fear for that same abandonment

# The disorder always wins

# by leaving you first pwBPD controls the demolition, otherwise they lose themselves.

# pwBPD love without measure those whom they soon hate without reason

# "They take with no conscience, and leave with no remorse as an emotional 4 year old” –Livia-


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For years someone I loved once gave me boxes full of darkness.
It made me sad, it made me cry.
It took me long to understand that these were the most wonderful gifts.
It was all she had to give
SC91

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« Reply #61 on: September 05, 2014, 05:32:53 PM »

SC91, i can tell you are so very hurt by these events. having your ex use someone else to degrade you and join in their abuse is horrible to endure.

i have a couple suggestions though--do you think you can be grateful that you can see your replacement as "lower standard"? what i mean is, i was in a similar situation. in that as you say by any conventional standards my replacement just wasn't on the same level. it wasn't just my opinion but everyone was kind of shocked at who she was with.

It was a very hurtful experience. A betrayal by someone who used to be so close. At this stage of recovery I am simply allowing myself to feel all those emotions, rather than think through them. My situation may be slightly different in that, during the time we were together, the close intimacy was on intelligence level rather than romantic love. This was how I felt, my Ex may had different feeling.

English is not my first language, I try to present as clearly as possible.

I am the kind of people who has low level of tolerance on injustice, say if I read a news of some unjust events it tend to heat me up a little, or when I encounter unjust events happening to a stranger on the street, I will speak out. These things dont happen daily and I am not trying to be a hero or such, its just my natural response.

Same as you I never demonize the Replacement either, not because I consciously do not allow such, I just simply dont have that deep feeling at all. Now, I may sound devalue to the Replacement by using the word "lower standard" and yes I really do feel that way. The feeling/judgement comes from my core value. Regardless of whether I personally was involved in the drama, even if to a stranger or if the drama was about a friend's friend, I will still have the same feeling, and judging based on that person's behaviour. I suppose anyone who has conscience will view the same.

Do I pity the Replacement or sympathy of it being used by my Ex? No!  And I will explain why. On a balanced review, the Replacement was not some really bad people, just being weak and had perhaps kind of stockholm syndrome. As I read the chat conversations between Ex and the Replacement, in the beginning short period like a few weeks or such, when my Ex started to complain me to the Replacement, the Replacement did not actively involved in the smear but just kindly agreed. Then I saw a pattern of my Ex started to show frustration to the Replacement and the Replacement was some kind of panic, trying to comfort and explain here or there, then the setting turns into the Replacement actively echo and joined in the smear campaign in the following months. As if some kind of brain washed. I hate it because 1) the Replacement made the whole situation became more complex by delivering energy to a monster ex; 2) my Ex miss the chance of true self discovery (by shifting the negative emotion to someone else than to face it). Now I may sound a little narcisstic ego but if I were in the Replacement position, I would detach from Ex right at the beginning becos no sane flirting relationship started off in being like a salvery absorbing the master's negative emotion right? I know my values and could easily find another one to date for happy positive interactions. Ignorance is not an excuse. I shall also add that this Replacement, although has a stable 11 years partner, has a history pattern of seducing others by using the same means i.e. help offload the lover negative emotion of the main in exchange for intimacy. This kind of person do not deserve my respect (on spiritual level), nor sympathy/pity (on emotional level), nor treat as an enemy in the triangulation (on intelligence level).   

So why am I still so frustrated. Because the whole thing just stir up lots of emotions messy feelings! On one hand I had to gather my energy to fight against the brain washing/twist my perception of my Ex's demon side, on the other I am a human and have these nature humanity emotions like compassion, sympathy etc. And I am not talking a month or a week, the whole drama and emotional roller coaster ride last more than a year! That exhausted all my energy (And yes I am aware, its about me myself here). Looking back the "Higher Me" saved me from psych collapse/brain wash by an Ex who were in the sociopath mode. For that I really grateful my parents good education since young save me from hell.
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SC91

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« Reply #62 on: September 05, 2014, 06:34:27 PM »

I will exam more of my messy feelings stir up by the relationship during the different stages:

2 years relationship --

Ex always validate/comfort/love bombing me in ways as if I was an innocent child. We had lots of conversation about life, philosophy, politics, academic etc etc. Apart from intellectual argument, we had no argument on emotional level, or to be accurate I was actually the one who ocassionally got fed up of this and that daily life matters, Ex did not show her dark side reaction to my actions or sayings.

How I felt/view -- Inspiring, Little personal emotional development (basically I felt Ex feed my ego by endless validation rather than myself growth), Uncomfortable sometimes (becos a normal person would have emotions), Little emotional intimacy (I just couldnt touch the deep her and she didnt to me either, I shall add that I m an empath hence the depth of my sentimental needs are higher than apath), Put a thin emotional wall to myself (becos I didnt seem to find Ex ultimate kindness and values, despite she talk about them all the time)

Few weeks before official break up ---

found out Ex dated the Replacement and the shocking months-long chat conversation between them.

How I felt/view -- Disappointed, shock, disrespect (Ex and Replacement), Guilt (not caring Ex enough), Anger (shouldnt you show your hate to me than talk to a third party?), betrayal, loss of trust, sad (becos of due separation)

One month after break up ---

I put my anger to Ex whenever she call/email, demand apology, Ex play victim role in front of me while escalate smear campaign behind my back.

How I felt/view -- Lonely, My co-dependency tendency, Anger, Compassion, Sad, Caring

This is a crucial point. Because had I hold less core value, less co-dependency tendency then I would just stop answering the calls. Had Ex a normal person then would just accept mistake and no further drama. Both could just move on.

After break up 18 months drama ---

Smear campaign, Triangulation. Ex involved the Replacement and her friends to insult me on fb nearly daily basis. Meanwhile Ex tried to get sympathy from me and one of our mutual friend explaining her hurt. I eventually stop replying to Ex but light cyber stalk to Ex profile.

My actions ---

Like another poster said I did not react to the drama at all becos, intellectually I so aware any reactions would just feed their ugly enjoyment. But on emotional level I have normal human feelings that I had nowhere to release them! I could not fight back Ex (for reason above), I could not tell friend, its difficult to explain to someone and I expected any answers would be "just forget it, just ignore it". But hey we are human right? How could you cut someone who used to be so close with like a delete button on a computer?

How I felt/view -- Shame (private life were put on a show), Hope (one cannot be demon in such a way does it. A psychic wall aim to destroy someone you used to care so much? Unheard of!), Compassion, and a whole bunch of feelings

Without a doubt I have my own issues like co-dependent tendency, strong hold to my core values, overly curious, feeling loss, lonely, lower self esteem etc etc but nothing too extreme.

Looking back I do think if I engage only on romantic intimacy with Ex then it would all be easier. I would have just anger feeling and that anger lead to NC and a full stop.

Will I feel a relieve knowing the Replacement would be treated the same? NO, not at all. I not care what and how the Replacement would be treated, or punished, there is no satisfaction comes from seeing the Replacement suffer. My whole concern it means Ex not improving/learnt/enlightened, struggle whole life for peaceful mind, and its real sad!

True reason I did not take part in the 18 months drama: 1) It just fed more energy to the devil (look here how Ex influence my choosing of words, before this I never would use "devil" to describe a human); 2) I wont reward the devil and can resist it, otherwise Ex would just repeat n repeat the sociopathic tricks in whole life believing this devious dark acts are the only way to survive which is not true!

What these entail in me? Tired, Lots of energy devoted to keep up my spirit, constantly conscious guard my core value perception and never back down, struggle to detach from my natural human emotions becos it will distract me from seeing the whole picture.

I am also aware I am a little off balance by being on the "White" position spiritually for so long. As a normal human like me, I also have some little dirty negative thoughts which I need a way to release them.

And yes on an analysis level, I seem like project my own values onto Ex here and expected her to follow my values my way. But I think its pointless to take this view. Because if we keep further analysis philosophically then all human interactions are projection, all human feelings/judgement/opinions are but selfish perception.

God, after all these kind of psychoanalysis, analysis down each interaction > particular feeling > particular emotion > particular phrase term. Everything is so boring scientific and I really hate it becos I am a normal human brain/mind and not a robot!






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SC91

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« Reply #63 on: September 05, 2014, 06:56:23 PM »

SC91, i can tell you are so very hurt by these events. having your ex use someone else to degrade you and join in their abuse is horrible to endure.

i have a couple suggestions though--do you think you can be grateful that you can see your replacement as "lower standard"? what i mean is, i was in a similar situation. in that as you say by any conventional standards my replacement just wasn't on the same level. it wasn't just my opinion but everyone was kind of shocked at who she was with.

It was a very hurtful experience. A betrayal by someone who used to be so close. At this stage of recovery I am simply allowing myself to feel all those emotions, rather than think through them. My situation may be slightly different in that, during the time we were together, the close intimacy was on intelligence level rather than romantic love. This was how I felt, my Ex may had different feeling.

English is not my first language, I try to present as clearly as possible.

I am the kind of people who has low level of tolerance on injustice, say if I read a news of some unjust events it tend to heat me up a little, or when I encounter unjust events happening to a stranger on the street, I will speak out. These things dont happen daily and I am not trying to be a hero or such, its just my natural response.

Same as you I never demonize the Replacement either, not because I consciously do not allow such, I just simply dont have that deep feeling at all. Now, I may sound devalue to the Replacement by using the word "lower standard" and yes I really do feel that way. The feeling/judgement comes from my core value. Regardless of whether I personally was involved in the drama, even if to a stranger or if the drama was about a friend's friend, I will still have the same feeling, and judging based on that person's behaviour. I suppose anyone who has conscience will view the same.

Do I pity the Replacement or sympathy of it being used by my Ex? No!  And I will explain why. On a balanced review, the Replacement was not some really bad people, just being weak and had perhaps kind of stockholm syndrome. As I read the chat conversations between Ex and the Replacement, in the beginning short period like a few weeks or such, when my Ex started to complain me to the Replacement, the Replacement did not actively involved in the smear but just kindly agreed. Then I saw a pattern of my Ex started to show frustration to the Replacement and the Replacement was some kind of panic, trying to comfort and explain here or there, then the setting turns into the Replacement actively echo and joined in the smear campaign in the following months. As if some kind of brain washed. I hate it because 1) the Replacement made the whole situation became more complex by delivering energy to a monster ex; 2) my Ex miss the chance of true self discovery (by shifting the negative emotion to someone else than to face it). Now I may sound a little narcisstic ego but if I were in the Replacement position, I would detach from Ex right at the beginning becos no sane flirting relationship started off in being like a salvery absorbing the master's negative emotion right? I know my values and could easily find another one to date for happy positive interactions. Ignorance is not an excuse. I shall also add that this Replacement, although has a stable 11 years partner, has a history pattern of seducing others by using the same means i.e. help offload the lover negative emotion of the main in exchange for intimacy. This kind of person do not deserve my respect (on spiritual level), nor sympathy/pity (on emotional level), nor treat as an enemy in the triangulation (on intelligence level).   

So why am I still so frustrated. Because the whole thing just stir up lots of emotions messy feelings! On one hand I had to gather my energy to fight against the brain washing/twist my perception of my Ex's demon side, on the other I am a human and have these nature humanity emotions like compassion, sympathy etc. And I am not talking a month or a week, the whole drama and emotional roller coaster ride last more than a year! That exhausted all my energy (And yes I am aware, its about me myself here). Looking back the "Higher Me" saved me from psych collapse/brain wash by an Ex who were in the sociopath mode. For that I really grateful my parents good education since young save me from hell.
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SC91

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« Reply #64 on: September 05, 2014, 06:57:33 PM »

I will exam more of my messy feelings stir up by the relationship during the different stages:

2 years relationship --

Ex always validate/comfort/love bombing me in ways as if I was an innocent child. We had lots of conversation about life, philosophy, politics, academic etc etc. Apart from intellectual argument, we had no argument on emotional level, or to be accurate I was actually the one who ocassionally got fed up of this and that daily life matters, Ex did not show her dark side reaction to my actions or sayings.

How I felt/view -- Inspiring, Little personal emotional development (basically I felt Ex feed my ego by endless validation rather than myself growth), Uncomfortable sometimes (becos a normal person would have emotions), Little emotional intimacy (I just couldnt touch the deep her and she didnt to me either, I shall add that I m an empath hence the depth of my sentimental needs are higher than apath), Put a thin emotional wall to myself (becos I didnt seem to find Ex ultimate kindness and values, despite she talk about them all the time)

Few weeks before official break up ---

found out Ex dated the Replacement and the shocking months-long chat conversation between them.

How I felt/view -- Disappointed, shock, disrespect (Ex and Replacement), Guilt (not caring Ex enough), Anger (shouldnt you show your hate to me than talk to a third party?), betrayal, loss of trust, sad (becos of due separation)

One month after break up ---

I put my anger to Ex whenever she call/email, demand apology, Ex play victim role in front of me while escalate smear campaign behind my back.

How I felt/view -- Lonely, My co-dependency tendency, Anger, Compassion, Sad, Caring

This is a crucial point. Because had I hold less core value, less co-dependency tendency then I would just stop answering the calls. Had Ex a normal person then would just accept mistake and no further drama. Both could just move on.

After break up 18 months drama ---

Smear campaign, Triangulation. Ex involved the Replacement and her friends to insult me on fb nearly daily basis. Meanwhile Ex tried to get sympathy from me and one of our mutual friend explaining her hurt. I eventually stop replying to Ex but light cyber stalk to Ex profile.

My actions ---

Like another poster said I did not react to the drama at all becos, intellectually I so aware any reactions would just feed their ugly enjoyment. But on emotional level I have normal human feelings that I had nowhere to release them! I could not fight back Ex (for reason above), I could not tell friend, its difficult to explain to someone and I expected any answers would be "just forget it, just ignore it". But hey we are human right? How could you cut someone who used to be so close with like a delete button on a computer?

How I felt/view -- Shame (private life were put on a show), Hope (one cannot be demon in such a way does it. A psychic wall aim to destroy someone you used to care so much? Unheard of!), Compassion, and a whole bunch of feelings

Without a doubt I have my own issues like co-dependent tendency, strong hold to my core values, overly curious, feeling loss, lonely, lower self esteem etc etc but nothing too extreme.

Looking back I do think if I engage only on romantic intimacy with Ex then it would all be easier. I would have just anger feeling and that anger lead to NC and a full stop.

Will I feel a relieve knowing the Replacement would be treated the same? NO, not at all. I not care what and how the Replacement would be treated, or punished, there is no satisfaction comes from seeing the Replacement suffer. My whole concern it means Ex not improving/learnt/enlightened, struggle whole life for peaceful mind, and its real sad!

True reason I did not take part in the 18 months drama: 1) It just fed more energy to the devil (look here how Ex influence my choosing of words, before this I never would use "devil" to describe a human); 2) I wont reward the devil and can resist it, otherwise Ex would just repeat n repeat the sociopathic tricks in whole life believing this devious dark acts are the only way to survive which is not true!

What these entail in me? Tired, Lots of energy devoted to keep up my spirit, constantly conscious guard my core value perception and never back down, struggle to detach from my natural human emotions becos it will distract me from seeing the whole picture.

I am also aware I am a little off balance by being on the "White" position spiritually for so long. As a normal human like me, I also have some little dirty negative thoughts which I need a way to release them.

And yes on an analysis level, I seem like project my own values onto Ex here and expected her to follow my values my way. But I think its pointless to take this view. Because if we keep further analysis philosophically then all human interactions are projection, all human feelings/judgement/opinions are but selfish perception.

God, after all these kind of psychoanalysis, analysis down each interaction > particular feeling > particular emotion > particular phrase term. Everything is so boring scientific and I really hate it becos I am a normal human and not a robot!




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goldylamont
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« Reply #65 on: September 06, 2014, 02:32:48 PM »

SC91, thank you for explaining your situation more. I must apologize as I don't think I was very clear when trying to make my point. Our situations in relation to the replacement are much different, since you experienced a year of smearing where your replacement was actively involved. In my case my ex's relationship with the replacement only lasted 4 months (contrasted to our 4 years), despite her public and private projections that he was the love of her life. and at least to my knowledge he never publicly tried to smear me. So, I didn't have to deal with the replacement as much as you did. I would have felt the same and would take little pity on the replacement if I was in your shoes.

What I meant to say was this: The original question of this post is "Was your replacement 'better' than you?". And i think the general consensus is that it doesn't matter--if your partner had BPD it really doesn't matter who the replacement is because the root of the problem is the pwBPD. There are some of us (like both you and I) where it's very obvious our replacements aren't more attractive partners on any level. So before, when I suggested we could be grateful for this--what I am saying is that I am grateful that it was easy to see in this case that it wasn't me that caused all the issues. If my replacement had been some great person, it may have been harder for me to figure out if I was the problem. This is one of the biggest lies a pwBPD tells--they say that the replacement they are with is so much better than the ex. And they use this to smear the ex's name. So in my case I'm grateful that it was so obvious to me that this wasn't true, so that I never bought into this LIE.

I hope this helps clarify things and my apologies if this wasn't clear from my initial post. From your responses I can totally understand your reactions and emotions about the issue.
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Penumbra66
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Dated ex for 1.5 years; single as of July 19, 2014
Posts: 93



« Reply #66 on: September 06, 2014, 03:25:13 PM »

What I meant to say was this: The original question of this post is "Was your replacement 'better' than you?". And i think the general consensus is that it doesn't matter--if your partner had BPD it really doesn't matter who the replacement is because the root of the problem is the pwBPD. There are some of us (like both you and I) where it's very obvious our replacements aren't more attractive partners on any level. So before, when I suggested we could be grateful for this--what I am saying is that I am grateful that it was easy to see in this case that it wasn't me that caused all the issues. If my replacement had been some great person, it may have been harder for me to figure out if I was the problem. This is one of the biggest lies a pwBPD tells--they say that the replacement they are with is so much better than the ex. And they use this to smear the ex's name. So in my case I'm grateful that it was so obvious to me that this wasn't true, so that I never bought into this LIE.

My ex never claimed my replacement was "better" than me – only that he was "different." She also said there were things she liked about both of us. But as you realized, the crux of the question is really "did I do something wrong or could I have done something differently? How did I not measure up?" My replacement seems like a total screw up, and what pains me the most is that the misery of their lives is what causes them to turn towards each other for solace and peace. Thus, I'm assuming they have that deep emotional connection that she seemed to think was lacking in our relationship, but seemed so central to me. They are also far, far to the left, and I think she's found an intellectual and philosophical connection as well.

How ironic that these "do gooders" could be so blindly destructive and self-centered.

By visiting these boards, we begin to intellectually understand how the nature of their disorder brought an end to our relationships, and we realize that their relationship with our replacements will be doomed to many of the same distresses and dysfunctions. Still, I would say for almost all of those here we still ultimately ask ourselves "what was wrong with me?" When I can begin to accept that the answer is "nothing that could have saved this relationship" I will begin to feel peace. Until then, I'm sticking around.
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sirensong65
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« Reply #67 on: September 06, 2014, 09:03:51 PM »

Why the hell would any of us want to date again?

Can you really trust love or somebody who claims they love you ever again ?

I don't think I can.

I've lost the trust.

Lost the faith.

And realize that there is only one person in this world that has my best interest at heart ... .and that is myself.


Thank you BPD for helping me realize how Eff'ed up I have been in trying to be kind, loving, warm, caring and loyal.

And this is exactly where I am as well.  I hit pay dirt, two BPD's in a row.  Thought being set up by a friend and NOT finding someone online would prove better results.   Turns out she didn't know him that well and was stunned by what he did.

I'm actually doing quite well this time around.  Four weeks out and I have to say I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.  No pressure, no worries, no nagging suspicions, no jumping through hoops.

I'm focused on me, my career, my kids, my hobbies.  I am learning to truly embrace being out of the dating rat race and all that it encompasses.  I don't feel like I am missing out on anything good... .

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Infern0
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« Reply #68 on: September 06, 2014, 09:07:50 PM »

Why the hell would any of us want to date again?

Can you really trust love or somebody who claims they love you ever again ?

I don't think I can.

I've lost the trust.

Lost the faith.

And realize that there is only one person in this world that has my best interest at heart ... .and that is myself.


Thank you BPD for helping me realize how Eff'ed up I have been in trying to be kind, loving, warm, caring and loyal.

And this is exactly where I am as well.  I hit pay dirt, two BPD's in a row.  Thought being set up by a friend and NOT finding someone online would prove better results.   Turns out she didn't know him that well and was stunned by what he did.

I'm actually doing quite well this time around.  Four weeks out and I have to say I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.  No pressure, no worries, no nagging suspicions, no jumping through hoops.

I'm focused on me, my career, my kids, my hobbies.  I am learning to truly embrace being out of the dating rat race and all that it encompasses.  I don't feel like I am missing out on anything good... .

I would just say try not to become a cynic and rule out ever meeting someone awesome. Work on yourselves and you will attract someone worthy of you and you of them.

If you become cynical and untrusting, then you have been conditioned and BPD has beaten you and made you less

Don't let it win, become something more. Find love for yourself and that will keep the asss away and only good people will enter your life
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SC91

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« Reply #69 on: September 06, 2014, 10:52:24 PM »

SC91, thank you for explaining your situation more. I must apologize as I don't think I was very clear when trying to make my point. Our situations in relation to the replacement are much different, since you experienced a year of smearing where your replacement was actively involved. In my case my ex's relationship with the replacement only lasted 4 months (contrasted to our 4 years), despite her public and private projections that he was the love of her life. and at least to my knowledge he never publicly tried to smear me. So, I didn't have to deal with the replacement as much as you did. I would have felt the same and would take little pity on the replacement if I was in your shoes.

What I meant to say was this: The original question of this post is "Was your replacement 'better' than you?". And i think the general consensus is that it doesn't matter--if your partner had BPD it really doesn't matter who the replacement is because the root of the problem is the pwBPD. There are some of us (like both you and I) where it's very obvious our replacements aren't more attractive partners on any level. So before, when I suggested we could be grateful for this--what I am saying is that I am grateful that it was easy to see in this case that it wasn't me that caused all the issues. If my replacement had been some great person, it may have been harder for me to figure out if I was the problem. This is one of the biggest lies a pwBPD tells--they say that the replacement they are with is so much better than the ex. And they use this to smear the ex's name. So in my case I'm grateful that it was so obvious to me that this wasn't true, so that I never bought into this LIE.

I hope this helps clarify things and my apologies if this wasn't clear from my initial post. From your responses I can totally understand your reactions and emotions about the issue.

Hi Goldylamont, no need to apologise becos I wasnt really answering your question with a rational mind, but rather myself a little overwhelmed by my emotions these days. Thanks for reading through my messy long replies indeed. It really help me someone there understand my positions becos this is the first time I put all these up, than dealing it myself. Thanks again.

I agree with you that the general consensus here is that we dont actually care much about the Replacement.

This site is helpful in that we nons can share our thoughts, views, experience and emotions. I do appreciate active senior members who write so we can get more balanced view without going to extreme. Had I engage in this site two years ago I think I would recover faster. Nevertheless, thats life. And hope that when i reach full recover I can share my experience with newer members to help out each other.    Smiling (click to insert in post)




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enlighten me
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« Reply #70 on: September 06, 2014, 10:58:57 PM »

Why the hell would any of us want to date again?

Can you really trust love or somebody who claims they love you ever again ?

I don't think I can.

I've lost the trust.

Lost the faith.

And realize that there is only one person in this world that has my best interest at heart ... .and that is myself.


Thank you BPD for helping me realize how Eff'ed up I have been in trying to be kind, loving, warm, caring and loyal.

And this is exactly where I am as well.  I hit pay dirt, two BPD's in a row.  Thought being set up by a friend and NOT finding someone online would prove better results.   Turns out she didn't know him that well and was stunned by what he did.

I'm actually doing quite well this time around.  Four weeks out and I have to say I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time.  No pressure, no worries, no nagging suspicions, no jumping through hoops.

I'm focused on me, my career, my kids, my hobbies.  I am learning to truly embrace being out of the dating rat race and all that it encompasses.  I don't feel like I am missing out on anything good... .

Ditto 2 back to back BPD relationships. 16 1/2 years of my adult life not knowing what a relationship is truly meant to be like.

Now Im enjoying the time I can spend with my kids. Sorting out my finances. Doing the things I want to do that make me me!

Not fused about dating and not really in a position to due to my job. One day I may put myself back out there but to be honest Im enjoying the solitude with no stress.
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SC91

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 33



« Reply #71 on: September 06, 2014, 11:03:34 PM »

They are also far, far to the left, and I think she's found an intellectual and philosophical connection as well.

How ironic that these "do gooders" could be so blindly destructive and self-centered.

Right, the one i met is quite intellectual on philosophy, or metaphysics to be more exact, as those things are "more blur". I suppose my interest in philosophy also draws me in to her. The two BPD women i met also seem to be "Left" on political view. Perhaps in their eyes the Right wing means conservative > traditional values > more control.


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topknot
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 321



« Reply #72 on: September 07, 2014, 12:50:06 AM »

Sorry to disagree with some of you above, but I have met someone amazing, solely by accident, who is wonderful, caring, and loves me for my heart and who I am.  Just saying, I was totally not looking, but it can happen out of the blue.  Yes, there ARE good people out there who want to contribute to your life in a positive way, not suffocate you, and help to make your life better.  I never once thought I would give up for good.  This person, like others in my life, said my smile is infectious.  That tells me I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, and I CAN recover.
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Artisan
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 166


« Reply #73 on: September 08, 2014, 02:55:05 PM »

Yup, that is how it starts out.

They look amazing. In every way.

Then in time, the true personality is revealed. 
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