It has been a bit since I posted about DD28 and her county jail journey. Last you heard she was moved to a facility in another county about 3 hours away. Turned out to be a bare bones holding area of a state prison. Only county jail inmates, from various overcrowded counties, were in her pod. There were no services available. I spoke to the medical office - the nurse was really surprised DD was sent there with her issues.
The local county jail took away a full 30 days of 'good time' (allowed by law) when they moved her to this other county. They either would not or could not answer for me how this was calculated. There were other things that unsettled me, but this one I could try a get to the bottom of for DD.
It is all online. The state statutes, the county jail policy and procedure manuals, contact information. I just wasn't sure who to call! DD had been commenting on a lot of inmates release dates changing this summer. A lot of confusion in the booking dept. calculating 'good time'. Shouldn't all be written down somewhere ! So much of the policy left it up to the jail to determine credits in the various programs.
I emailed the contact person in the public defender's office on 9/15 with my concerns - especially about the change in release date when this transfer was not based on DD's actions. It seemed like a random penalty. She did not reply. So I called on Thursday, 9/18 and left an intensely worded voice message when she would not take my call. The next morning was the email reply in my inbox. She said they were always there to help any inmate that felt they were being mistreated. She had talked to the SHERIFF (the one we elected that is the head of the whole dept.). He admitted they were having issues with the calculation of release dates to comply with state law. He also admitted that this particular facility DD was at had 'issues'. So they were bringing back all the inmates transferred there.
DD called the next afternoon back in the local jail. She had taken a shower that was not painful from scalding water and brushed her teeth in a real sink. I had to change all my support accounts again. Phone account, commissary account, and gift package account. Close the new ones, reopen the old ones. It is really punishment for the whole family!
I did not hear from her since Sunday until she called tonight. She was transferred out of the work release/work crew pod. She claims that she was approved for work crew again until another inmate complained that DD had been moved out blah blah blah. The truth here for me: DD has to do work now to earn her good time by participating in classes/programs in her new pod. She gets to choose some of the classes - taking something is required. I can look online - there are lots of choices. She says the other woman bicker a lot and she can't get anything
Her other complaint today was how young, loud, dramatic the women are in this pod. She did enjoy the calmer population in the alternative sentencing pod (work release/work crew).
She is lonely for a guy as well. My perception: she has a 'guy' addiction, not feeling whole without a man in her life. Hmmmmm - seems I hear this a lot from other parents with BPD daughters. She wants to recycle 2 of her ex's. One still has a no-contact order with her and is on parole after serving a 2 year prison sentence for assaulting her. The other is now in work release with an 18 month sentence for burglary. Old patterns - hard to change. Both men were part of the homeless community - she has known them for about 5 years. They are trying to get their lives on a new path. The first is going to tech school. The second wants to get it together so his infant son can be in his life. The mommy is a meth addict/dealer and was abusing her newborn with meth. DD called and reported this to DSS. The courts have terminated the mom's parental rights. I get a letter from him occasionally. Both these still have an attachment to DD, though she pushes them away over and over. Another characteristic I hear a lot here at bpdfamily.
When I was involved weekly with DD, the public defender's office, the medical and mental health staff, getting furloughs approved, driving her to appointments, etc etc etc it felt like things were moving in a new direction. She was participating with these care providers. That was all real. We enjoyed being in each other's company, that was real. She was very appreciative of my advocacy, that was real.
Now that we are not having any face to face contact it is harder to discern what is real from her phone calls. Old patterns, that is what I heard today. Not wanting to do the programs that are available to her now. Making excuses for not asking for consideration to be in women's transition program. Maybe nothing will really change when she is released.
Then gd came in and took the phone and talked to her mom while walking around the house
. DD was crying when I got back on - she asked gd to give me back the phone before she lost it on the phone. Gd is what gives DD a reason to get up and keep trying day after day, even when it all feels so dark and pointless. Like nothing will ever get better - never change.
I hope my encouragement for her to keep trying was validating. The 'you have one minute left' message came on and I was cut off mid word. I told DD that I love her, gd loves her and so does dh. We always have and always will. We will be here - for her to keep her head above water. She can call me every day if she needs to.
So I need to check tomorrow and see what her release date is now. And send her another 'thinking of you, hang in there, your can do it' card. Sending a card every week - she said she got the last one yesterday.
In writing this post I have circled though so many emotions, and my head is still above the water.
qcr
