Not Falling In Love

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I found the following quote absolutely beautiful, and while it highlights a lot of what is wrong with how pwBPD tend to view love, it also highlights the errors in how a great many non-disordered people see it, too! Again, I find myself marveling at how incredibly fortunate I've been in meeting and marrying a husband who, as described below, did not fall in love with me, but rose in love as I rose in love to meet him. I do not know why we were able to throw off the awful ways love was distorted in our FOOs, but I am so very grateful.

In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.

A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.

Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.

Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

- Osho

[claudiaduffy]

I found the following quote absolutely beautiful, and while it highlights a lot of what is wrong with how pwBPD tend to view love, it also highlights the errors in how a great many non-disordered people see it, too! Again, I find myself marveling at how incredibly fortunate I've been in meeting and marrying a husband who, as described below, did not fall in love with me, but rose in love as I rose in love to meet him. I do not know why we were able to throw off the awful ways love was distorted in our FOOs, but I am so very grateful.

In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word ’fall’ is not right. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.

A mature person has the integrity to be alone. And when a mature person gives love, he gives without any strings attached to it: he simply gives. And when a mature person gives love, he feels grateful that you have accepted his love, not vice versa. He does not expect you to be thankful for it – no, not at all, he does not even need your thanks. He thanks you for accepting his love. And when two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens, one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone; they are together so much so that they are almost one. But their oneness does not destroy their individuality, in fact, it enhances it: they become more individual.

Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. How can you dominate the person you love? Just think over it. Domination is a sort of hatred, anger, enmity. How can you think of dominating a person you love? You would love to see the person totally free, independent; you will give him more individuality. That’s why I call it the greatest paradox: they are together so much so that they are almost one, but still in that oneness they are individuals. Their individualities are not effaced – they have become more enhanced. The other has enriched them as far as their freedom is concerned.

Immature people falling in love destroy each other’s freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

- Osho

[Surnia]

Osho - he has written some inspiring things and this is one of it. 

[heartandwhole]

Hi claudiaduffy,

Such a beautiful sentiment, and something to aspire to. Thanks for sharing. I'm happy that you have found mature love in your life—that gives us hope, too! 

heart

[beachtalks]

I LOVE reading this quote as well, although I have to say that I don't entirely agree with it.  I say this because we live in a world that has a lot of painful parts that come and go, and we are all broken and vulnerable in some ways.  Part of what carries us through is being able to depend on trusted sources when we are emotionally down.  I think that when we "fall" in love, we are responding to a call in our hearts that we don't want to go about life on our own and that we can't do this on our own. 

I love knowing that you found a mature partner and congratulate you both.  I am currently alone and focusing on building my spirituality. I know that a relationship would distract me right now because relationships require giving, and I am okay with that, just not right now.I just think that even two very mature healthy people who are in a relationship still have a lot of dependency issues to handle. I think the quote is beautiful, yet very ideal.