how to be friends?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Have agreed to be friends with BPD ex.

I don't think I want a RS with her. In fact I have something going on now anyway with someone who makes me happy.

That said I enjoy my BPD company and she can be kind and fun. She also has NOBODY looking out for her. She needs a friend and I'm willing to try.

Are there some good resources for how to be friends with someone with BPD. How to reinforce boundaries and not get damaged by devaluation etc.

I really want to try this. If it fails at least I gave it a go.

[Infern0]

Have agreed to be friends with BPD ex.

I don't think I want a RS with her. In fact I have something going on now anyway with someone who makes me happy.

That said I enjoy my BPD company and she can be kind and fun. She also has NOBODY looking out for her. She needs a friend and I'm willing to try.

Are there some good resources for how to be friends with someone with BPD. How to reinforce boundaries and not get damaged by devaluation etc.

I really want to try this. If it fails at least I gave it a go.

[Take2]

Are you really prepared for just friends?  I haven't read all of your story, so I'm not completely sure of where you are at generally speaking (in terms of emotions) - but as many times as I tried to just be friends with my exBPDbf... .  my heart breaks to not be with him.  Constantly. 

I do actually get your desire to at least be there as her friend.  I've tried the same just so my ex has SOMEONE who is there for him... .  it didn't matter... .  friend, lover, ex - no matter what he calls me, in his mind, I'm still cheating on him by saying hello to any other man and that then reinforces more shutting me out.  I don't know... .  I just think you need to be very, very strong to go from a r/s to just friends particularly in this type of scenario... .

All that said... .of course I wish you well and hope that I can read some good feedback from you in the days to come!

[Infern0]

I am emotionally compromised 100%.

However I am aware of that, and I'm aware of what I'm dealing with this time.

It's going to be a slow process and on my terms this time. And when it all goes pear shaped I won't blame anyone else but I think I'll at least know I tried to help. Come what may.

Just have to work on myself and keeping solid in my core.

[JohnLove]

Hi Infern0. I feel your plight. I don't believe it will be easy... .for any of you.

Does your exBPDgf know of your new thing going on?.

I tried to be just friends with my BPDgf after some deal breaker behaviour (on her part) was exposed.

Needless to say, she couldn't and wouldn't do the friends thing. She said it would be too hard on her, that her feelings for me were too strong, that it would be intolerably difficult for her, that she just couldn't do it.

I am not aware of any specific tools for friendship, but it is just another type of BPD relationship, so I believe all the tools and advice on here are applicable. I feel boundaries will be easier to set and maintain. The real issue with pwBPD manifest in those closest to them. How close are you planning to be?... .and I wonder how your new relationship will feel about this?.

If you can accomplish this... .well... .more power to you.

[Infern0]

Hi Infern0. I feel your plight. I don't believe it will be easy... .for any of you.

Does your exBPDgf know of your new thing going on?.

I tried to be just friends with my BPDgf after some deal breaker behaviour (on her part) was exposed.

Needless to say, she couldn't and wouldn't do the friends thing. She said it would be too hard on her, that her feelings for me were too strong, that it would be intolerably difficult for her, that she just couldn't do it.

I am not aware of any specific tools for friendship, but it is just another type of BPD relationship, so I believe all the tools and advice on here are applicable. I feel boundaries will be easier to set and maintain. The real issue with pwBPD manifest in those closest to them. How close are you planning to be?... .and I wonder how your new relationship will feel about this?.

If you can accomplish this... .well... .more power to you.

Mine has agreed to be friends.  Although I am acutely aware that I could and likely will be painted black at any moment.

I said that we should take our time and slowly repair the damage and get to know each other as friends again. Also that we shouldnt discuss feelings or personal relationships at this stage. and she seemed happy with that.

it's just so difficult to know how or what to do?

Do I text her and ask how she is from time to time or do I wait for her to reach out again. Will she be triggered if I leave it too long or what. I'm going to play it like I did during idealisation I think,  she was generally happy to lead so that's what happened mostly when we were friends before. Hopeful that it'll be the same now.

The current girl I'm seeing understands the issue. She's not overly thrilled that I have contact but she's willing to support me in my attempt to help my ex. As long as I'm honest with her and keep her informed.

Ah the quandries of dealing with a pwBPD.