Stealing from the marriage

[copingwithhim]

Thank you so very much for having this resource!  My case is so convoluted, not sure where to start... .an outline perhaps:

- He purchased his house in August 2008

- We met in Dec 2008, same month he moved into my house

- Jan, he added a third renter to his house (he had two while he was living at his own house)

- Feb, he started to take over finances, having access to both accounts.  My income covered most of our living expenses with a little coming from him when there was a shortfall.

- Married in June 2009

- Aug/Sept, he took two trips, Auruba & Bermuda, lying about where he was (he admitted this two me two weeks after separation)

- Aug/Sept, we put each other on our checking accounts

- During the first part of our marriage, we both worked for the same firm, income was automatically deposited into our accounts.  I made more money than him.

- Aug 2010, he became a consultant with two other firms, income checks were mailed and he would visit the bank directly to deposit.  This is where the biggest financial breeches took place.  He would deposit only portions of his earnings (I didn't figure this out until I was performing ferensic accounting during our divorce case).

- May 2011, I was let go by my company and I too started consulting.  Since my income was far less, we decided to sell my house since the mortgage was unaffordable.

- Aug 2011, my house sold and we moved into his house for two months

- Sept 2011, he started an affair

- Sept 2011, he created a fake person/employer (creating a fake e-mail sent to himself) and traveled to Colorado for 10 days of consulting work.

- Nov 2011, faked consulting work again, 5 days in Wyoming

- Oct 2011, we purchased a more affordable, unfinished house (both names on title)

- Jan 2012, he faked consulting work again and went to Maui for 10 days with his paramour.

- March, 2012, he moved out everything while I was working.

- April/May 2012 we attended a couple sessions of marriage counseling where he accused me of some disgusting behavior -- all untrue

- May 2012, while he was on a trip with his girlfriend, he called me and said he would come back to me if I slept with another man.  My answer was no, so he filed divorce.

During the last two years, I have been building on the house adding siding to correct the years of abuse the house received.  My attorney promised me that she would make sure the value was considered at time of separation, but that's not happening.  They're going with the current value.

I have been working with an attorney for two years and during our trial, she didn't perform some of the most important tasks.  Because of her lack of responses to my husband's attorney, misfilings, and her lack of understanding the financials, my case is completely blown and I'm about to lose everything.  Only half of our evidence was submitted during trial and I spent very little time on the witness stand; my story was never adequately told.  Judge has already ruled that he keeps his house, even though community money helped to make payments.

In short, there was financial abuse: my spouse was stealing, going on holidays and then abandoned me with all the responsibility.

We go back to court tomorrow for the ruling, and if the judge performs the calculations per their arguments, I'll end up paying $130K and will not be able to keep my house. 

I feel like no one understands; why is my only recourse through the Family Law Courts?

[copingwithhim]

BTW, I'm in California, a no fault state.

Thanks for any advice!

[ForeverDad]

Have you consulted other family law attorneys?  I'm thinking inadequate representation or something similar to put the case on hold while you get another lawyer?  Once the judge rules I believe any objection, reconsideration or appeal would be limited to the information presented to the judge.  And I'll add a disclaimer here, no one feels they got a fair deal when walking out of court, but it's especially true for us targets and marks.

In short, there was financial abuse: my spouse was stealing, going on holidays and then abandoned me with all the responsibility.

His affairs and trips may not be a huge issue to the judge or the matters of law.  Your helping to pay expenses on his house, was it a large amount?  What is it you're being left responsible for that he isn't?

My attorney promised me that she would make sure the value was considered at time of separation, but that's not happening.  They're going with the current value.

If so, then why aren't they subtracting your improvements post-separation?  While I don't know how community law states calculate things, maybe they use the current values and not the values when the divorce was filed?  Don't they add up the total of all assets & debts, then allocate the split of the resulting total between the two spouses?  So if the house he's keeping has more equity than your house does, then that would be a positive there on your side of the ledger I would figure?

[copingwithhim]

Hi ForeverDad,

Thank you so very much for responding.

The second day of trial, I had witnesses waiting to testify that my husband had control of all the finances, and that I was working on his house with him (painting, landscaping, concrete removal, etc), and I was working with both a real estate agent, and a potential buyer for his house so we could roll over the money to our new home... .just as I had.

However, the opposing attorney asked for an early ruling on the house based on the fact that my attorney did not respond to several of his requests (doc requests and e-mails) regarding my interest in my husband's property.  My attorney literally backed pedaled and lied about providing a response to him (I was never copied on the e-mails).  The judge ruled and that was that.  She was scattered and unorganized and couldn't shake it off to focus on presenting our material about the missing money, only portions were presented.  None of my witnesses were allowed to speak, due to the subject and running out of time.  Of course there is more to this regarding a 'loan' we received from his mother.  She is diagnosed BPD, jumped the white house fence in 2009 and then robbed a bank a year later.  While in an institution, she 'loaned' us this money.  She has lived on government assistance for years, and I've been told that people in her situation are not allowed to have assets over $2K

We were trying to show that the 'loan' from his mother is dubious, and that the money missing from our joint account more than covers her 'loan.'  But the judge is not getting it... .money was going in and out every which way, making it hard to trace.  However through my extensive research, I've been able to show this money is missing, but it's hard to explain.

I've invested approximately $100K improving my house, but since we didn't submit receipts (due to time), the court is only giving me $50K credit.  There is also Watts/Epstien that is going against me.  The judge only sees the house in the condition it is in currently, a rentable condition.  But he left me with a house that was in need of massive repairs.  I spent a year repairing 15 leaks, mold, dry rot, stucco, competing a bathroom (because I didn't have one), just to protect my investment ) the house had sat for 20 years with the leaks).

As for other attorneys, I called several at the conclusion of the two day trial.  No one can help me, and those who are willing, say that my case is very complex and would take a lot of time.  One suggested a Motion for Continuance.  I've asked my attorney if we can do that and she tells me that we should see what happens tomorrow.  I no longer trust her, so I'm going to the self-help center tomorrow to see what can be done, as I don't see this ending well.  I'm willing to to pay something -- just to be rid of this monkey on my back, but if they get their way, I'm financially ruined.

Some folks tell me I should seek help from the DA, but I can't see where they would be interested. 

Prior to this relationship, I believed in humanity and justice and I sometimes wonder what's the point in being moral and truthful?

Thanks again!