Borderline Provocations?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

A little over a month ago I ended a 5 year relationship with my BPD gf after catching her cheating. She placed a letter of apology in my mailbox that same day that simply said she was sorry and that she had planned to tell me everything and hoped that I could find it in my heart to forgive her one day. Her letter contained no empathy for the hurt and damage her actions had caused and placed a burden on me to find it in my heart to forgive her. I could not and did not respond to her letter.

The next day she saw a coworker and friend of mine and asked ... .Well I guess you know? The coworker/friend responded that she did not know what she was asking and my ex gf told her that me and her were no longer together and she and the new guy were together. My coworker/friend simply said  ... .Oh, okay. I have not heard that. No other response or reaction. My ex gf then said ... .You know when you look for trouble you may just find it.

My questions are ... .

1. Was the letter of apology an attempt to provoke a response or reaction by saying ... .I said I was sorry so let's make up and forget anything ever happened as you always have?

2. Was her interaction with my coworker and friend an attempt to provoke my jealousy to also get response and reaction from me.

3. Was her comment ... .When you go looking for trouble you may just find it ... .her way of saying she was upset that she was caught but it wasn't what it looked like to hopefully get me to allow her a chance to "tell me everything"

Since these attempted provocations, there has been no contact at all. I feel these were impulsive, irrational behaviors in an attempt to get me to re-engage in the relationship. Now she has gone silent as she has done in the past but unlike the other times, I continue to offer no response or reaction by contacting her or her sister.

Thanks!

[uncrx]

A little over a month ago I ended a 5 year relationship with my BPD gf after catching her cheating. She placed a letter of apology in my mailbox that same day that simply said she was sorry and that she had planned to tell me everything and hoped that I could find it in my heart to forgive her one day. Her letter contained no empathy for the hurt and damage her actions had caused and placed a burden on me to find it in my heart to forgive her. I could not and did not respond to her letter.

The next day she saw a coworker and friend of mine and asked ... .Well I guess you know? The coworker/friend responded that she did not know what she was asking and my ex gf told her that me and her were no longer together and she and the new guy were together. My coworker/friend simply said  ... .Oh, okay. I have not heard that. No other response or reaction. My ex gf then said ... .You know when you look for trouble you may just find it.

My questions are ... .

1. Was the letter of apology an attempt to provoke a response or reaction by saying ... .I said I was sorry so let's make up and forget anything ever happened as you always have?

2. Was her interaction with my coworker and friend an attempt to provoke my jealousy to also get response and reaction from me.

3. Was her comment ... .When you go looking for trouble you may just find it ... .her way of saying she was upset that she was caught but it wasn't what it looked like to hopefully get me to allow her a chance to "tell me everything"

Since these attempted provocations, there has been no contact at all. I feel these were impulsive, irrational behaviors in an attempt to get me to re-engage in the relationship. Now she has gone silent as she has done in the past but unlike the other times, I continue to offer no response or reaction by contacting her or her sister.

Thanks!

[Red Sky]

My ex sent me a similar letter. I'm not sure what it means in your case; in mine I'm fairly sure that she was looking for any chink in the armour, to force me to interact with her. Perhaps your ex doesn't even know what it is that she's looking for, other than to continue to interact with you, to provoke you into... .Something. She presumably knows that weird cryptic comments will get back to you, and that you may be angry or curious or confused.

Good luck with the NC