My exH started seeing someone weeks after our final split (following many recycles) and married her six months later. I didn't find the remarriage as traumatic as might have been expected because the final split was the final straw for me and there was relief that he wouldn't be coming back. But it got worse later. The more he seemed happy and settled, the more I questioned whether the issue had been me. He had come and gone with someone else between his splits when separated from me and it wasn't this gf that he married so I knew I wasn't the only one who had been left utterly confused and devastated but there were obviously 'wounds' and feelings of 'not good enough' that his actions kept exposing.
This week, I found out that his second marriage was in trouble almost from the start and they are now divorcing. I do feel concern for him and some sadness that he hasn't found the relationship he had wanted but mostly I feel relieved (and I feel guilty for feeling so relieved!).
I had become aware of this - that the happier and more settled he seemed in his new relationship, the worse I felt because I was starting to believe that I had been the problem. Why is my self-esteem so bound up with his actions and his perception of my worth? I have kept contact to a minimum to give myself space to heal and mostly I am fine, even doing well. But any contact with him (we have kids) has disproportionately affected me even when he's being nice.
Anyone else still find their emotional wellbeing tied to ex after some time out of relationship? Seems I still have work to do on myself
take care,
Claire
