How to not leave your BPD and waste your life and energy for nothing

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

below i will leave you a fantasy response that i would text back; in a perfect world with infallible strength... .basically i don't know if i'd actually have the balls to do it but you know... .

>> you seem angry about something. the next time you contact me, you need to have a better attitude. i'm taking some time for myself so i'm going to block your number for 4 days. if after this time, and only if you are in a good mood, then i may respond. if you don't feel like talking after 4 days, that's on you. bye.

imo, that is exactly what he should do. Clearly the relationship as it stands now is hurting him, also clear is that she has no respect for him (sorry!). The equation he's trying to balance is if the occasional sex and wondrous ego boost of her admiration is worth the far more frequent turmoil and pain he experiences. It seems he knows it's not, thus the attempted detachment.

The only solution is boundaries, boundaries force respect. And she will learn to respect them to get what she still so clearly needs from him. If she can't respect them, she's gone, either her or his choice, but he can take the satisfaction or knowing he stood his ground, and established his boundaries. It's self affirming.

If he needs to go back to the bank for an occasional sex romp and ego boost, then quid bro quo is fine, no different then a mutually beneficial arrangement. Which is essentially what he has today, the only difference is he gets all the toxic dysfunction along with it. If I were him, I'd look into a more conventional mutual beneficial arrangement, get the sex and the ego boost of being with a younger hotter female, minus all the crap.

The desire to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy individual is folly. We all should know this better then anyone

[tim_tom]

below i will leave you a fantasy response that i would text back; in a perfect world with infallible strength... .basically i don't know if i'd actually have the balls to do it but you know... .

>> you seem angry about something. the next time you contact me, you need to have a better attitude. i'm taking some time for myself so i'm going to block your number for 4 days. if after this time, and only if you are in a good mood, then i may respond. if you don't feel like talking after 4 days, that's on you. bye.

imo, that is exactly what he should do. Clearly the relationship as it stands now is hurting him, also clear is that she has no respect for him (sorry!). The equation he's trying to balance is if the occasional sex and wondrous ego boost of her admiration is worth the far more frequent turmoil and pain he experiences. It seems he knows it's not, thus the attempted detachment.

The only solution is boundaries, boundaries force respect. And she will learn to respect them to get what she still so clearly needs from him. If she can't respect them, she's gone, either her or his choice, but he can take the satisfaction or knowing he stood his ground, and established his boundaries. It's self affirming.

If he needs to go back to the bank for an occasional sex romp and ego boost, then quid bro quo is fine, no different then a mutually beneficial arrangement. Which is essentially what he has today, the only difference is he gets all the toxic dysfunction along with it. If I were him, I'd look into a more conventional mutual beneficial arrangement, get the sex and the ego boost of being with a younger hotter female, minus all the crap.

The desire to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy individual is folly. We all should know this better then anyone

[Split black]

Yes... .fu*king boots. Oh and later today... .several more texts and two calls I didn't answer... .to be texted " this is a rare occurrence, be assured I wont call you again"   Followed by more texts telling me not to ask her to come for a vacation because she never will and doesn't know why shes bothering texting... .  huh? .  I finally responded... .told her I went surfing today with my son... .ignored her inane other texts and changed the subject... .  she texted back... .  " great, Im bored"   Well... .at least Im thousands of miles away and the contact is very low... .  and I feel a bit better each day... .Withdrawal gets just a little easier.

it's possible that even the request for money and boots was sent more to get on your nerves or devalue you... .who knows, maybe she thought it would work. the other stuff about her not coming to visit you, etc, to me it's pretty obvious this is a threat. she knows she controls things through sex and (false) companionship so she's threatening you by withdrawing this if you don't comply.

below i will leave you a fantasy response that i would text back; in a perfect world with infallible strength... .basically i don't know if i'd actually have the balls to do it but you know... .

>> you seem angry about something. the next time you contact me, you need to have a better attitude. i'm taking some time for myself so i'm going to block your number for 4 days. if after this time, and only if you are in a good mood, then i may respond. if you don't feel like talking after 4 days, that's on you. bye.

 que huevos grandes

Yes... .excellent... .Ive gone about 3 months in the past NC. She could not care less. So actually... .for me... .this distance and the inability to see her is what my addiction needs... .contact keeps me ruminating. Makes me realize that if I stuck to my guns after the first devaluation Id be in a much better space in my head with a lot more money in my pocket. Since Ive been here I have not contacted her 1st. When someone else doesn't care at all one way or another... .its just pissing into the wind.

[Split black]

Split black, I think that you need to turn off your phone and go surfing with your son more often... .oh... .and you don't need to tell her anything.   

I can do that... .I have a cheap throw away phone, and thats the only number she has. I keep it off 80% of the week. When I check it... .and shes texted or called... .its very hard to not respond. ( addiction at its worst)   Honestly... .I DO  think Ive had enough. This endless capacity for suffering may be coming to an end.

[Split black]

below i will leave you a fantasy response that i would text back; in a perfect world with infallible strength... .basically i don't know if i'd actually have the balls to do it but you know... .

>> you seem angry about something. the next time you contact me, you need to have a better attitude. i'm taking some time for myself so i'm going to block your number for 4 days. if after this time, and only if you are in a good mood, then i may respond. if you don't feel like talking after 4 days, that's on you. bye.

The equation he's trying to balance is if the occasional sex and wondrous ego boost of her admiration is worth the far more frequent turmoil and pain he experiences. It seems he knows it's not, thus the attempted detachment.

The only solution is boundaries, boundaries force respect. And she will learn to respect them to get what she still so clearly needs from him. If she can't respect them, she's gone, either her or his choice, but he can take the satisfaction or knowing he stood his ground, and established his boundaries. It's self affirming.

If I were him, I'd look into a more conventional mutual beneficial arrangement, get the sex and the ego boost of being with a younger hotter female, minus all the crap.

The desire to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy individual is folly. We all should know this better then anyone

I get the occasional sex... .but without the ego boost anymore... .its totally transactional now... .everything she wants or needs from me is about money or help. Then she actually tells me she doesn't like having sex with me, and how could I have sex with someone who didn't want to have sex with them... .    And then she spins off the charts enjoying herself, her words never aligned with her actions. I would call it making love and she would get angry for me saying that.  Its actually pathetic. 

The distance between her and I now absolutely helps. CLEARLY shes lost all respect for me... and IVE lost all respect for myself allowing the devaluation for sake of sex with her. Its a no win situation... .she feels shame at some level for being with me, the excuse she gives herself... .and when I sucummb to her will that shame is projected out to me and turns into resentment. She has a parade of exes she is with that she will call to swing by. To my knowledge Im the only one she uses for money... .like a sugardaddy. Its beyond dysfunctional.

In the past year and a half we have been together at least 150 times. Thats including being banished and loathed ( no sane reason) for months at a time.

I really am mentally spiritually and physically exhausted by this experience. 

Does she really think I would fly her to me here? Shes said she had no interest in taking a vacation and seeing me but she keeps texting and Ive never asked. She volunteers that. We parted on good terms when I left. Shes really not in full out hate mode at all.  She lives on facebook, we are not friends on it and I cant and don't look, but she insists on showing me while we are on her bed and her laptop is on... .and gives this Im so happy and doing fun things facade to the world. She takes selfies and posts pics of all the fne restaurants Ive taken her... .but the pics are of her. Im not allowed to be seen. Im invisible. Shes embarrassed of our age difference but loved it in the beginning.  Her day, when I was there,  consisted of finding and spending all her money and mine on Painkiller's, coke, weed, and wine... .and anxiety meds.  Shes really not going to survive ... .when I bring it up Im yelled at to stop being her (step) father. Shes highly functional during the day and a BPD, narcissistic beguiling witch behind closed doors.

Time to get on with life. I really feel like a prisoner of war, just set free from confinement and torture. Im in recovery. This is so crazy Im annoyed I have to spend precious time battling the remnants of this in my mind. This board has been my only outlet... .because I found that therapy just wasn't helping. I should probably find a T-doc down here that specializes in BPD and NPD here... .a final brain cleaning.

[Mutt]

I think you have a good idea with the T Split black. Have you thought about digging into your stuff?

I think that you care for her. Her drug use has to worry you? I'm sorry that you feel invisible. That has to hurt and invalidate.

[goldylamont]

yes, best wishes to you on finding a better therapist. this could be the most important personal investment you've ever made. you've been very open and honest here about a lot of vulnerabilities. this shows a lot of awareness and i feel you have the strong desire to get better. wish you the best Split black.

[Split black]

yes, best wishes to you on finding a better therapist. this could be the most important personal investment you've ever made. you've been very open and honest here about a lot of vulnerabilities. this shows a lot of awareness and i feel you have the strong desire to get better. wish you the best Split black.

Thanx bro... .

Im tired of feeling this way... .the balance as someone pointed out is addictive sex with her vs being totally disrespected and invalidated. My mission is to find a healthy replacement and to end the year and 4 month of madness... . 

[Split black]

I think you have a good idea with the T Split black. Have you thought about digging into your stuff?

I think that you care for her. Her drug use has to worry you? I'm sorry that you feel invisible. That has to hurt and invalidate.

Yeah man... .I gotta find a tdoc that specializes in ptsd. and borderlines... . she texted today, ugh, what crap it was too, why do I bother? Im so far away... .every text triggers me to respond with some sort of stupid informational and welcoming monologue. To which she will pick a few words out of that have zero to do with the content and meaning of what Im trying to convey. It deflates the sentiment behind my attempt at reaching her on any level. And then she will go silent until shes ready to say something inane, could be an hour, days, or weeks... shes in control. She has to be in control.  She is just not interested unless she really needs cash. And her other exes wont play that I can only assume.  I gotta stop talking to her ... .its so toxic. It ruins me for at least 4 hours... .sometimes longer.

[Mutt]

I understand the triggers. It's hard.

My triggers were there after the breakup and it took time to detach. When you're saying that you respond back with informational monologues. Do you feel like its parenting her?

She's asking for money because she wants someone to take care of her. Seeing a good T is a good idea Split black. Find one that syncs with you. Getting checked for PTSD is also a good idea.

It takes time for the heart to catch up to the head. You're kind and i think she's taking advantage of your kindness. That's why you are both talking over each other.

Sometimes I know that I'm not dealing with my ex. I'm dealing directly with the disorder. I choose to disengage when I deal with the disorder because it's lose-lose. I got there with detaching and low contact (kids).

It gets better. The triggers lessened with time and very low contact for a few months until I got stronger and out of the FOG.

[Split black]

Ive been away from her for since end of Aug. Went back once last month... .mid sept... .  helped her out with money we had a lot of sex. She devalued the entire time. So since then... after nasty texts from her I went basically NC.  That was sept 28th.  She was mean and nasty. I went silent.

So today I got a text... .it said "Hey, way to not text". " Im in a relationship dont contact me. Thank you."   Huh?

She texts to tell me I didn't text her, the reason being she TOLD me not to before and that particular night "she had company"... .and then today tells me shes hooked up yet again with another poor chump. She says... Im in a relationship don't contact me... .  I think thats exactly what I have been doing based on her devaluing texts a couple of weeks ago. She works FAST.  The thing is, i left on relatively good terms and lots of sex ... .because I " helped her out"      I have not responded, and although Im over a thousand miles away and actually was feeling quite good, everything is falling into place... .new career, family, new friends ( miss my old buddies) , getting familiar with the area... .its fun. Im not bored. There are a ton of pretty healthy women to date. Im getting my mojo back... .  and then WHAM... .a stupid text gets me ruminating... .visualizing her freely giving it up... .again. Its hard. Withdrawal is an extremely arduous and difficult thing... .it takes everything you have and then some... .I don't care if its a substance or a person... .  its hell in your own mind. Its self defeating and shame based... .and goes back to the core of your childhood no matter what your age is. There is no escaping this due to age or experience. If you are not whole it will rear its abysmal head and you will be dragged down emotionally. You can not read it away, you cant intellectualize it away... .you have to deal with it.

There is no sane rational reason why this young girl has had such an effect on my psyche. Childlike innocence encapsulated in an evil ice covered coat of armor... .where reason and normalcy will never exist. Where sexual intensity is confused for love and caring... .where sex is used for control of weak minded men. She wants more, like a 4 year old. She can do whatever she wants to anyone she wants because shes enabled by an endless supply of exes and white knights.  There is NO winning. You cant win with someone who does not care about you on any level other then that of USE. No USE no thoughts about you. You are an object to be used. Sex, or a roof over her head, or cash, or clothes... .whatever ... . 

I got thru the day, text was this morning... .  had a date... .it was sexual. Had FUN.  Now Im back... .looked at the text again... .almost responded... .what more can I say to her that I have not said ten thousand times before?  Thanks for being a total d*ck?  Say a prayer for your new chump?  Be happy... .good luck... .don't worry I wont text... .... .   or just silent. Is my silence toward her simply to punish?  All contact with her is a trigger... .sucks me back in.  She gave me a moments thought this morning when she wrote that text before she went about her day looking for substances and doing some bird brained thing... .and I have to sit her and write a doctoral dissertation and grind my teeth to nubs. ugh.   

[Split black]

UGH... .I texted her... .said something nice... .  she got what she wanted. A response... .and all she texted back was "bye"   ... .I waited and texted something nice but profound and mature... .  again... .the response was " bye"      People... .DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING your ex BPD texts or says. You will never get a different result.  Whatever... .Im going surfing and have a date later. What a waste of a good month of NC. grrrrrr... . 

[Mutt]

So today I got a text... .it said "Hey, way to not text". " Im in a relationship dont contact me. Thank you."   Huh?

She's saying the opposite here really. If she were in a relationship ( I don't doubt that she is ) why would she send a text to say that she is and not be contacted? She's looking for you are emotionally available and she's scared of this new r/s and being abandoned and looking to see if you are availale.

The thing is, i left on relatively good terms and lots of sex ... .because I " helped her out"

I'm sorry Split black. She knows you'll help her out.

Im over a thousand miles away and actually was feeling quite good, everything is falling into place... .new career, family, new friends ( miss my old buddies) , getting familiar with the area... .its fun. Im not bored. There are a ton of pretty healthy women to date.

She can do whatever she wants to anyone she wants because shes enabled by an endless supply of exes and white knights.

Yes, but it's self destructive behavior. To stop enabling is to stop helping her. If you don't help her out and maintain NC, she'll eventually get the picture and move onto another white knight. You're a 1000 miles away.

Is my silence toward her simply to punish?

It's severe Split black. You care for her. It's to detach and stop this dance for you. To take care of yourself. As you say your getting familiar with the new area and making new friends.

UGH... .I texted her... .said something nice... . she got what she wanted. A response... .and all she texted back was "bye"

It is what is it for now Split black. You replied. Don't be hard on yourself. Go surfing and enjoy your evening with your date. Fall down 7 times, get up 8.

[myself]

UGH... .I texted her... .she got what she wanted.

What a waste of a good month of NC.

Why did you text back? Did you get what you wanted?

If you break your addiction to her, you'll have years of NC/peace.

People Split Black... .DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING your ex BPD texts or says.

 Take yourself out of the game, man.

[Split black]

So today I got a text... .it said "Hey, way to not text". " Im in a relationship dont contact me. Thank you."   Huh?

She's saying the opposite here really. If she were in a relationship ( I don't doubt that she is ) why would she send a text to say that she is and not be contacted? She's looking for you are emotionally available and she's scared of this new r/s and being abandoned and looking to see if you are availale.

The thing is, i left on relatively good terms and lots of sex ... .because I " helped her out"

I'm sorry Split black. She knows you'll help her out.

Im over a thousand miles away and actually was feeling quite good, everything is falling into place... .new career, family, new friends ( miss my old buddies) , getting familiar with the area... .its fun. Im not bored. There are a ton of pretty healthy women to date.

She can do whatever she wants to anyone she wants because shes enabled by an endless supply of exes and white knights.

Yes, but it's self destructive behavior. To stop enabling is to stop helping her. If you don't help her out and maintain NC, she'll eventually get the picture and move onto another white knight. You're a 1000 miles away.

Is my silence toward her simply to punish?

It's severe Split black. You care for her. It's to detach and stop this dance for you. To take care of yourself. As you say your getting familiar with the new area and making new friends.

UGH... .I texted her... .said something nice... . she got what she wanted. A response... .and all she texted back was "bye"

It is what is it for now Split black. You replied. Don't be hard on yourself. Go surfing and enjoy your evening with your date. Fall down 7 times, get up 8.

Mutt... .I thought I was detached but im not... .its unfathomable, almost incomprehensible why this one particular girl... .at this time of my life, after decades of experience, can have this kind of hold on me. I just have to find a way to not respond... .   truth is she called... .I SPOKE to her... .the bottom line is that she called me 4 times and my cell was off... .then she went on to say what kind of friend am I... .but not before she said she wasn't attracted to me, and was on her way over to her new bf's apt. She said, don't contact me anymore... .I said Im sorry I hurt you not being available, and she hung up saying Ill talk to you later... .what?... .( I swear to god I have to speak to her like she 4 years old) It doesn't matter what she says or does... .it only matters what I do or don't do in her mind... .I cant take take it... .its such a mind ___.  So her going to this new guys apt... .says to me, don't fu*k it up... .... .what?  Ive allowed her to cuckold me since day one... .any idea what thats like for an ego like mine!  jesus... .  that is the visual she left me with.   I still managed to radically accept reality for what it is... .and the reality is ... .shes not coming here... .and Im not living there... .what the hell am I holding on to? One more time in her bed? Im more insane then she is in a different way.

[Split black]

UGH... .I texted her... .she got what she wanted.

What a waste of a good month of NC.

Why did you text back? Did you get what you wanted?

If you break your addiction to her, you'll have years of NC/peace.

People[/s] Split Black... .DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING your ex BPD texts or says.

 Take yourself out of the game, man.

I texted back because I just absolutely couldnt stop myself. It was a massive mistake which made me feel so god damn horrible for hours. Visualizing and ruminating until I snapped my pathetic ass out of it and got a grip.   The thing is I am out of the game... .Im a thousand miles away and still allowing her to get her NPD/BPD ass off at my expense... .what did she say... .about seeing this guy... .yet another... ." Im a beautiful blonde 26 year old"  huh?  And what does that mean?  I can bang who ever I want when ever I want and I should be grateful that Im allowed crumbs... .  jeeeezus.     I was feeling so damn good ... .contact is so incredibly self destructive.  Nothing will ever change... .ever.

[Blimblam]

UGH... .I texted her... .she got what she wanted.

What a waste of a good month of NC.

Why did you text back? Did you get what you wanted?

If you break your addiction to her, you'll have years of NC/peace.

People[/s] Split Black... .DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING your ex BPD texts or says.

 Take yourself out of the game, man.

I texted back because I just absolutely couldnt stop myself. It was a massive mistake which made me feel so god damn horrible for hours. Visualizing and ruminating until I snapped my pathetic ass out of it and got a grip.   The thing is I am out of the game... .Im a thousand miles away and still allowing her to get her NPD/BPD ass off at my expense... .what did she say... .about seeing this guy... .yet another... ." Im a beautiful blonde 26 year old"  huh?  And what does that mean?  I can bang who ever I want when ever I want and I should be grateful that Im allowed crumbs... .  jeeeezus.     I was feeling so damn good ... .contact is so incredibly self destructive.  Nothing will ever change... .ever.

Your addicted buddy.

[Mutt]

Mutt... .I thought I was detached but im not... .its unfathomable, almost incomprehensible why this one particular girl... .

Don't beat yourself up Split black. I apologize if you've already gone to PI. I think you mentioned your FOO? Have you dug into your own stuff to look for answers there?

Have you posted in Personal Inventory?

[Infared]

Split black, I think that you need to turn off your phone and go surfing with your son more often... .oh... .and you don't need to tell her anything.   

I can do that... .I have a cheap throw away phone, and thats the only number she has. I keep it off 80% of the week. When I check it... .and shes texted or called... .its very hard to not respond. ( addiction at its worst)   Honestly... .I DO  think Ive had enough. This endless capacity for suffering may be coming to an end.

It has taken me years to not engage... .ever... in any media or in person.  If I see her walking toward me somewhere I turn my head and beat feet... .It is always some self-serving power trip or put down, although it starts out nicer to hook me first.  Jeeeez... .it was NEVER like that when we were together (I guess that was the mirroring of my loving behavior toward her?)... It all changed when she hooked up with her new supply and ran off. It still baffles and upsets me that is why I come here... .the whole interaction just damaged me emotionally so deeply... .

[Waifed]

It's more than just NC. It is a mindset that changes your reality. Split Black, you deserve better than what she has to offer you and you know that logically. This logic needs to become your reality. If you are going to think about her, think about her negative attributes. You know that a relationship with her is a dead end so accept that she can go nowhere with someone else. Take back your life. She owns it right now.

Think that you are above her because you are. Keep reminding yourself that you alone control your own destiny.  She is in your head and she will stay there until you make the decision to let it go. If you wanted her out of your life you would stop responding. You are going to drive yourself nuts until you are honest with yourself about wanting to detach from her. If you have a weak moment after she texts something like she did respond with indifference (OK, good luck). Doing so allows you to keep your self respect. You owe that to yourself.  You can get over her but not until you truly commit yourself to doing it. You can do this.

[Mutt]

It's more than just NC. It is a mindset that changes your reality. Split Black, you deserve better than what she has to offer you and you know that logically. This logic needs to become your reality.

Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. ~Unknown

[Split black]

Split black, I think that you need to turn off your phone and go surfing with your son more often... .oh... .and you don't need to tell her anything.   

I can do that... .I have a cheap throw away phone, and thats the only number she has. I keep it off 80% of the week. When I check it... .and shes texted or called... .its very hard to not respond. ( addiction at its worst)   Honestly... .I DO  think Ive had enough. This endless capacity for suffering may be coming to an end.

It all changed when she hooked up with her new supply and ran off. It still baffles and upsets me that is why I come here... .the whole interaction just damaged me emotionally so deeply... .

I understand totally... .

It's more than just NC. It is a mindset that changes your reality. Split Black, you deserve better than what she has to offer you and you know that logically. This logic needs to become your reality. If you are going to think about her, think about her negative attributes. You know that a relationship with her is a dead end so accept that she can go nowhere with someone else. Take back your life. She owns it right now.

Think that you are above her because you are. Keep reminding yourself that you alone control your own destiny.  She is in your head and she will stay there until you make the decision to let it go. If you wanted her out of your life you would stop responding. You are going to drive yourself nuts until you are honest with yourself about wanting to detach from her. If you have a weak moment after she texts something like she did respond with indifference (OK, good luck). Doing so allows you to keep your self respect. You owe that to yourself.  You can get over her but not until you truly commit yourself to doing it. You can do this.

She is so annoying, I feel like shes an incurable rash. Just when I think Im healed I have another outbreak. Im angry too much of the day.  I have made the decision to let it go. It does help. But I have not been tested yet again... .she with a new target. A brand new unknowing target. Spreading those log legs yet again.

[Split black]

Quick update... .  yesterday out of nowhere, mid afternoon, got a text and it said " its for the best, thanks for everything, good luck, goodbye don't contact me."   I thought that was what she said the day before. Where is this stupidity coming from... .AGAIN. Its not like we haven't discussed it ad nauseam. And she PROMISED when I gave her rent last month she would never do it again, and my being a thousand or more miles away makes it UNNECESSARY.   LIKE A FOOL... .I texted and told her to take care and good luck to her. Her response was " who is this?"  lmao.  What an assh*le. I mean really.  I responded its the guy you called 4 times in two weeks when my cell was off and texted yesterday. Her response was this is "xxx's mother, she asked you not to text."   I said... .really, umm no thats not true... .She said "yes it is and said my name and said she told you twice".  I said no thats not true call me. ( Never met her adopted mother)  Response was " absolutely not"  ... .and being at this point inexorably sucked into the black abyss of this grade school conversation... .I said...   Well, this is absurd... .tell xxx I said good luck... .which is really what my initial text said anyway... .I think.  The curt response was " Thank you" 

  Now Im almost 1000 percent sure it was my ex. Her cell is her life line and its never ever far away from her ... .like EVER. No one goes near it for fear of death and of course ultimate exposure of her sneaking lies... .  So... .  I was so disgusted with myself... .I know Ive said this a thousand times on this board but if the dumb C*nt is going to such a retarded extreme not to talk to me after she complained Im not a friend and not available to talk ( on her way to her new ___s apt the other day I might add)  Ive just had it. I just want to pull my own hair out with a garden rake... .  I will not, I will not get sucked back into insanity. I AM DONE. 

[antjs]

and i remember one time becoming aware i was depressed (i wouldn't become aware until after a couple of days wondering why i was eating take out and watching Netflix all day and i just told anger and depression, you know what? you can kiss my ass honestly. i've done this before. you keep visiting me but i've done this before and i know i'll be fine if i waste enough time--is this all you got? because i'm not changing a damn thing and i'm not going back to that craziness. i can survive *years* on take out and Netflix you idiots! just try me! ... .but of course, all of this started to go away and happen less frequently.

[antjs]

Ungrateful... .and me a total orbiter and enabler to someone that has the attention span of a butterfly.  And im old enough to realize that her being young and hot was more a reflection of my own loss of youth... .and trying to find love with someone just hard wired to suffer thru life using and abusing an endless supply of beta chumps... .a group im now a member of.

if you don't mind, what was the age difference? Mine was over 10 years, me late 30's her middle/late 20's. Seems like I see this a lot on here

i was the only young guy that my ex was with. i am 26 and she is 29. all her past partners were 45+ years old. from what i have learned that most BPDs (females) seek a daddy figure to rewrite history of their trauma with their own dads whether it was emotional unavailability or sexual abuse (incest). she was divorced to a 50 years old guy (25 years age difference between them) and guess what her following exs were 48 and 52. she got 2 abortions. they really learn nothing from their "experiences". they just repeat the pattern like a zombie on a treadmill.

[Waifed]

Quick update... .  yesterday out of nowhere, mid afternoon, got a text and it said " its for the best, thanks for everything, good luck, goodbye don't contact me."   I thought that was what she said the day before. Where is this stupidity coming from... .AGAIN. Its not like we haven't discussed it ad nauseam. And she PROMISED when I gave her rent last month she would never do it again, and my being a thousand or more miles away makes it UNNECESSARY.   LIKE A FOOL... .I texted and told her to take care and good luck to her. Her response was " who is this?"  lmao.  What an assh*le. I mean really.  I responded its the guy you called 4 times in two weeks when my cell was off and texted yesterday. Her response was this is "xxx's mother, she asked you not to text."   I said... .really, umm no thats not true... .She said "yes it is and said my name and said she told you twice".  I said no thats not true call me. ( Never met her adopted mother)  Response was " absolutely not"  ... .and being at this point inexorably sucked into the black abyss of this grade school conversation... .I said...   Well, this is absurd... .tell xxx I said good luck... .which is really what my initial text said anyway... .I think.  The curt response was " Thank you" 

  Now Im almost 1000 percent sure it was my ex. Her cell is her life line and its never ever far away from her ... .like EVER. No one goes near it for fear of death and of course ultimate exposure of her sneaking lies... .  So... .  I was so disgusted with myself... .I know Ive said this a thousand times on this board but if the dumb C*nt is going to such a retarded extreme not to talk to me after she complained Im not a friend and not available to talk ( on her way to her new ___s apt the other day I might add)  Ive just had it. I just want to pull my own hair out with a garden rake... .  I will not, I will not get sucked back into insanity. I AM DONE. 

Split... .She owns you right now.  She is texting to see if you will respond.  You are such a trigger to her that ya'll could never work things out.  She probably does not want to lose the attachment with you but at the same time knows she can't be with you.  Sad thing is you don't know how many other people she has the same attachment too.  That was one of the hardest things for me to accept.  You have to stop responding and act like you don't care.  You will feel better about yourself again once you reestablish your "control".  Keep acting like you don't care until you really don't care any more.  Slow process and lots of bumps in the road as you know, but it is what it is and we are all better off once we finally detach.  You have to go NC.  You are too addicted to do it any other way.  Also, don't give her anymore fcking money!  She doesn't deserve it for one thing and its also just another excuse for you to keep your attachment with her.  There are good women out there but you have to detach from her before you can/want to give yourself to anyone else.  I feel for you.  I am so fortunate that I have cut clean ties with my ex.  Neither of us has attempted any contact.  It makes it so much easier to detach.