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Author Topic: Do pwBPD ever regret ending the relationship?  (Read 3026 times)
shellbent
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« on: September 29, 2014, 02:05:12 PM »

I mean this seem like a pretty obvious question. If our replacement turns out to be a jackass, sure they do.

But do they secretly wish things could go back the way they were?

I just wonder if she will ever see what she saw in me before we dated.

Or will she continue to blame me for her pain? And keep looking forward.

Also my begging and pleading with her raised her ego to the point where she seems not so afraid to meet new people.

Also I can tell she is still coping with her issues by trying to hang out with so called friends.

Is it impossible for her to see me as a friend?

Seems like she has turned our mutual friends against me.

Has anyone here ever gotten closure, or at least a better understanding of what went down while being painted black?


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« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2014, 02:21:05 PM »

Id like to know the answer to this as well. Not so sure if mine can self reflect though she would have to self reflect to regret but judging from the last convo i had with her I am to blame for everything even her height is my fault. Thats not even a joke im dead serious that actually was ome blame/rage fest. I wish mine would at least genuinely say sorry it would mean alot to me but I dont think that will happen for me either. I just have to say im sorry to myself for allowing this to go on for so long and cause so mucb destruction.
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« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2014, 02:27:46 PM »

If they do, it's transitory unfortunately. That initial love bomb, while alluring, is gone for good... actually it never really existed in a real way... It was fantasy
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« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2014, 02:27:59 PM »

No.  

In my experience, the sense of self (accountability, an understanding that their words and behaviors affect the people around them, etc.) is so impaired that it's just not possible to connect the dots, look at themselves, and say "Man I wish I hadn't done that."  My stbxdBPDw doesn't even understand that she abandoned our marriage five months ago and was shocked that I engaged a lawyer and sued her for divorce.  
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walksoftly
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« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2014, 02:36:10 PM »

They may or they may not. They are disordered and as such they won't feel the same way as normal people.

They stuff their emotions down - but as you know, if you do this the emotions will manifest in their lives through anxiety, bulimia, anger, violence, etc. I have no sympathy for my ex - I refer to her as " Spock."  But disordered or not, she is human and she can hide behind her narcissism as much as she likes.

I have moved on into a relationship with a caring compassionate woman. I now know what it feels like to be in a normal relationship.

Eventually you won't think about what she is thinking- it takes time.
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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2014, 02:44:29 PM »

Closure is something you get from a healthy person. You need to find your own closure and the longer you continue wishing to be friends the longer it takes.

Ofcourse she has turned her mutual friends against you. Did you think she wouldn't? That justifies her actions and she can never be the one in the wrong, correct? Trying to figure out what she is thinking right now will only give you sleepless nights while she is being pleasured every night. Why do you do this to yourself?

Go "no contact", find your own closure and move on. A better happier life awaits.
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RedDove
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« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2014, 02:52:41 PM »

I don't believe so and Goateeki nailed it on the head... .they don't have the empathy or ability to reflect and see how there actions affect other people. Especially the ones they supposedly loved. They have a unique avility to bury the feelings of shame and anger.

Two examples:

My ex BPDbf tried to dissociate and deny we were ever in a 4 year relationship when I confronted him for lying and cheating. At the same time he finally revealed he was not stable, borderline and an alcoholic (no duh!).

2-1/2 months after I confeonted him, ended it, and initiated NC he sent me a message on a dating site. The message and tone both made it sound like: a.) he clearly dissociated and has no clue that he cheated on me or hurt me, and b.) made it sound like we were old friends! Here's the message: "Holy shxt! What a great profile! And your pictures are absolutely gorgeous! You're gonna get scooped up so fast! Well, I am giving this one more try, obviously, LOL! Wish me luck!".

Oh my! Right? If it was "not" clear he suffered from BPD before, it is now, without a doubt! I also believe this was a recycle attempt. My defense shield is up and on Defcon 5... .Darth Vader will not bust my boundaries again. The force is with me!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2014, 03:05:45 PM »

I don't think there is a simple yes or no answer to this.  I believe that it depends on where they lie on the spectrum.  I also believe that some of them do hurt deeply when a relationship ends.  They hurt is more about them than us, but their need from their partner might still be strong for them.  Most pwBPD do not have the skills to express regret when they are dysregulated so they come across as cold.  The reason so many of them want to be "friends" is because they still have a need for you (possibly temporary at this point).  If you read some of the websites where pwBPD post many talk about how devastated they were after a breakup and also talk about feeling more strongly about a particular ex than another.  I know my ex had a particular ex that she mentioned a lot and he was not from the previous relationship.  I assume she felt more strongly about him than her others... .  So, I think they do "regret" it sometimes but it is more for their own selfish reasons. 
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shellbent
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« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2014, 03:15:09 PM »

Unfortunately I work with my ex, so everyday is torture. Things have gotten a lot better as time passes, but I still miss her and there is no way for me to stop thinking about her.

I wish I could and I wish I could fall in love with someone else.

I guess most of you have a similar problem in getting over what happened.

I feel lucky to have all you here that understand what is going on with me.

There is nobody in my life who understands.

It is really exhausting to keep reliving those "precious" moments.

Somehow I have a hard time imagining that I will find anybody as "perfect" as I imagined her to be. I really feel like my mind was broken by her.

And I still can't hate her for it. Feel like I want to explode with anger. The only thing keeping me sane is reading/posting here, which I know makes me think about her even more. Somehow I still have a hard time accepting that it was all in my head. I don't even know what to believe anymore.

She knew she had problems, and now instead of working on them, she seems to go back into the same old routine.

But something did change in her though, when we met she was antisocial and having a hard time making friends. She kept painting ppl black until she met me.

Then she didn't really care much what they thought.

Now she goes to those same people for acceptance. So pitiful, the people she badmouthed are now her support group.

Me on the other hand went back into a lonesome wolf. Sometimes I think it's better to be alone than with people who don't appreciate us.

For my ex though I thought she saw what others fail to.

I don't mind being alone, right now I feel that is what I need to heal myself.

But she was a gift at the time when my rs before her ended.

She had the same kind of pain as I, but I don't think I have a PD.
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« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2014, 03:16:08 PM »

Yes. They're human. They experience love and loss. Sometimes deeply.

Being disordered, it must be quite daunting to step off of one roller coaster right onto another. Exciting, but knowing what is likely up ahead, also frightening. Over and over again they do this.

PwBPD probably don't feel good about hurting us, but they do it anyway. There has to be some regret in there about that, somewhere. But it gets covered up, perhaps like The Tell-Tale Heart to some.
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Nomad1027

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« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2014, 03:18:42 PM »

I too have struggled with this question, in an effort to get closure.  The lack of closure is perhaps the most frustrating thing about the end of the r/s with my UxBPDgf.  From what I have read on these boards, it seems a very common thing among us.

I do not know if they regret it or not.  I wish it were formulaic and we could say, "yes, in X amount of time they do come to regret it." Unfortunately, I think it depends a lot on the person with BPD (their self awareness, their state of mind, and whether or not they are with a new supply or not).  I am sure their are other factors, but I am not a psychologist and cannot really speak from an informed point of view.

What I can tell you is that I think some do.  Like so many in this community, I have struggled with countless questions, doubts, and "what if's".  In my effort to better understand what is going on in my UxBPDgf's mind and gain a little more closure, I visited several support forums for people with BPD who know they have the disorder (that is key - they are somewhat self-aware).  Reading through posts (never posting), I saw very little on their past relationships.  A lot of the posts were about their pain, fears, impulsive behaviors, cutting, feeling empty and alone, advice on meds for comorbid issues, etc.  But there were a handful who expressed guilt and shame and regret for hurting people in their lives.  It was only a handful, however.

I do not know if that is comforting or not.  It seems to answer the question that some feel regret, but it does not confirm that yours or mine did. It does not tell us if their regret is fleeting or if it is about their pain, versus the pain the caused us.   I think it is an individual thing, honestly.  I know I wish mine did, but I also know that is about me seeking validation for myself and for my defunct relationship.  I do not think I will ever get it and I think it is unrealistic of me to expect it.

What AussieOzborn wrote it true, however, and worth thinking about further in my opinion.  Closure is something that we may get from a healthy person, but we are not dealing with healthy people.  We are dealing with very disordered, very broken people.  To expect closure from them is futile at best and self-punishing at worst.

It is so hard to do but sadly, we need to find closure for ourselves.  The first step for me was to go NC.  I haven't spoken to her in almost two months and I haven't looked at her social media pages in almost 1 month.  It has been hard, but limiting my exposure to her (and her new relationship) has given me just enough peace to being to really go through the grieving process and begin to find myself again.  

Do yourself a favor and love yourself like only you can.  Give yourself closure, as hard as it seems.  You will likely never get it from her/him.  
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shellbent
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« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2014, 03:18:56 PM »

I  If you read some of the websites where pwBPD post many talk about how devastated they were after a breakup and also talk about feeling more strongly about a particular ex than another.

I thought pwBPD do post here too. What website are you referring to?
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shellbent
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« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2014, 03:28:07 PM »

Do yourself a favor and love yourself like only you can.  Give yourself closure, as hard as it seems.  You will likely never get it from her/him.  

Thanks!

In the last few talks with her it was like she tried to tell me, but couldn't express herself. Maybe she didn't even know why.

One thing was she tried telling me what a good relationship needs, and both times she started telling me, she couldn't even finish her own sentence. Like she has no idea.

I think what really blows my mind, is that I thought we were right for each other.

I guess I shouldn't, but the way I see myself was what she always wanted in a rs. Maybe its those exact things she said to me is whats messing with my head.
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JB8888

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« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2014, 03:48:04 PM »

Closure definitely comes from within us at first... .I'm pretty sure my 5 years on and off with a uBPDexgf will stop at some point. Then again, after we ended (a few times ago) she ran to her ex of 6 years before across the world (who she had always painted black). She told me he treated her like dirt, the sex was awful and aggressive, and they fought like cats and dogs. Only for her to return from her trip and send him an email saying she had always been in love with him and wanted to make things worse. He replied "no way I ever forgive you for what you did to me years ago". I asked how she felt and she honestly just shrugged. Translation: "I tried to recycle, it didn't work... .Next?".

I saw her depressive days and outbursts. She could go down into depression when triggered by an "abusive, manipulative ex" she left to be with me having a new partner... .and we were still together. It was so weird... .and she would claim "he made me like this, he broke my self-esteem and now he gets to be happy?". Ya, that was lovely to hear when days before she was happy with me and wanting to marry me.

Dude, even recounting this stuff is so weird I want to punch myself in the face for subjecting myself to such conversation with her and not saying "break up time!". But then again, as above there is no way in hell I would ever let her near me again and that's where closure comes in. 5 years later, she's got the replacement and texts me weekly to my NC. I love her, and feel for her situation but from a distance over here. Closure has to come from asking yourself: what do I want? how do I want to be treated? do I want kindness, respect, and my equal?... .Do I want balance? I do and I get any of that with my BPDex. Focus on what you want, not what you will never get.
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goateeki
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« Reply #14 on: September 29, 2014, 03:51:22 PM »

Excerpt
My ex BPDbf tried to dissociate and deny we were ever in a 4 year relationship when I confronted him for lying and cheating. At the same time he finally revealed he was not stable, borderline and an alcoholic (no duh!).

RedDove, after 19 years of marriage, several houses, two children and me slugging it out with the world every day to feed, clothe and house us all, my wife told me (1) she never felt anything from me, (2) that she should never have got married and didn't know what she was doing when she she did (marry me), (3) that the only reason she had the children -- both pregnancies she initiated, by the way -- was that she felt "something was missing in her life and she thought having a baby would fix it, but it didn't work" -- x2, mind you.

After much counseling, a pretty solid education and what I think is a sanguine view of things, I've reached the conclusion that when you're dealing with a BPD person, you might as well be dealing with a schizophrenic or an alien species.  I know that sounds crude, but the basic framework of emotive function just is not there with these folks.  
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walksoftly
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« Reply #15 on: September 29, 2014, 03:55:07 PM »

I call mine SPOCK

But Im ok- I think she is dangerous and spiteful but Im ok
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shellbent
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« Reply #16 on: September 29, 2014, 04:01:25 PM »

Closure definitely comes from within us at first... .I'm pretty sure my 5 years on and off with a uBPDexgf will stop at some point. Then again, after we ended (a few times ago) she ran to her ex of 6 years before across the world (who she had always painted black). She told me he treated her like dirt, the sex was awful and aggressive, and they fought like cats and dogs. Only for her to return from her trip and send him an email saying she had always been in love with him and wanted to make things worse. He replied "no way I ever forgive you for what you did to me years ago". I asked how she felt and she honestly just shrugged. Translation: "I tried to recycle, it didn't work... .Next?".

I saw her depressive days and outbursts. She could go down into depression when triggered by an "abusive, manipulative ex" she left to be with me having a new partner... .and we were still together. It was so weird... .and she would claim "he made me like this, he broke my self-esteem and now he gets to be happy?". Ya, that was lovely to hear when days before she was happy with me and wanting to marry me.

Dude, even recounting this stuff is so weird I want to punch myself in the face for subjecting myself to such conversation with her and not saying "break up time!". But then again, as above there is no way in hell I would ever let her near me again and that's where closure comes in. 5 years later, she's got the replacement and texts me weekly to my NC. I love her, and feel for her situation but from a distance over here. Closure has to come from asking yourself: what do I want? how do I want to be treated? do I want kindness, respect, and my equal?... .Do I want balance? I do and I get any of that with my BPDex. Focus on what you want, not what you will never get.

I hear what you are saying. I want a give and take relationship with a loving person.

The truth is she wasn't abusive towards me. Not how others have described their exBPD. Only childlike and very afraid.

She didn't say things to me, but I guess that doesn't mean she never thought horrible things about me?

But she really was like an injured child. It was only that she had no perception of what was going on inside of her. She just held everything inside and I ended up getting hurt over her leaving and she got freaked out by the things I said. Never confessed anything so there was nothing for me to go on. She had terrible anxiety.

She just caved in and left, tried to explain but couldn't. She wasn't overly abusive, just couldn't get herself to expressing her emotions. She never wanted to hurt me, but couldn't see she was causing me more pain by shutting me out.

She just had her survival instinct to run away. Made me angry, but somewhere I always knew she wouldn't respond well to me raising my voice, so I acted delicately with her. I suppose she didn't have enough time to process her feelings. And I just kept coming for answers she wasn't ready to give. It is crazy.  

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JB8888

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« Reply #17 on: September 29, 2014, 04:24:17 PM »

I hear what you are saying. I want a give and take relationship with a loving person.

The truth is she wasn't abusive towards me. Not how others have described their exBPD. Only childlike and very afraid.

She didn't say things to me, but I guess that doesn't mean she never thought horrible things about me?

But she really was like an injured child. It was only that she had no perception of what was going on inside of her. She just held everything inside and I ended up getting hurt over her leaving and she got freaked out by the things I said. Never confessed anything so there was nothing for me to go on. She had terrible anxiety.

She just caved in and left, tried to explain but couldn't. She wasn't overly abusive, just couldn't get herself to expressing her emotions. She never wanted to hurt me, but couldn't see she was causing me more pain by shutting me out.

She just had her survival instinct to run away. Made me angry, but somewhere I always knew she wouldn't respond well to me raising my voice, so I acted delicately with her. I suppose she didn't have enough time to process her feelings. And I just kept coming for answers she wasn't ready to give. It is crazy.  [/quote]
In what way has she painted you black? Or are you assuming based on her lack of contact/explanations that she has?
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« Reply #18 on: September 29, 2014, 05:22:48 PM »

Yes, as a human too, a BPD have even feelings of intense regret despite the spectrum of the disorder in which a BPD normally function...

Marsha Linehan (the one of DBT) said:

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.”    

Take the time to visit a forum on which pwBPD post and/or personal blogs of pwBPD.

However in order to coop with these emotions a BPD must suppress it (that “on–off” switch) in order to survive emotional. Their core, their self, was hit. However as the self is half developed there can’t be a healthy way to process feelings (as we know and experienced).  Take that 4-6 year old child in mind.

So in order to survive (yes it is a survival mode for a pwBPD therefore must justify in their mind their behaviour ( dissociative / feelings become facts).

Perceived by us a manipulation/lying/hurtful cold words, etc. (for them, all they must do in order to justify their emotional core)

For us the hurt done is devastating, beyond believe.

Closure therefore? How can a such a mind, being in survival mode and seeing us as source of all their pain ( remember, we were the punishing parent… ) give closure?

A BPD lives for life in an emotional rollercoaster, I wouldn’t wish that my enemy; as strange it might sound in this topic.

I have been there with an exHFBPDw, one refusing therapy

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For years someone I loved once gave me boxes full of darkness.
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« Reply #19 on: September 29, 2014, 07:46:58 PM »

I  If you read some of the websites where pwBPD post many talk about how devastated they were after a breakup and also talk about feeling more strongly about a particular ex than another.

I thought pwBPD do post here too. What website are you referring to?

google. I don't think I can post it here.
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naguma
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« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2021, 04:45:37 AM »

This topic was interesting.
My ex BPD has moved on but is living the life I wanted for both of us. The life she called "stupid" all the time. Does that mean she regrets what happened with us? Maybe. Does that mean she can accept her part, no.
It's an odd thing (at least for high functioning people with BPD). She can recognize that her life is not what she wanted, and she will work to fix that (my plan for us was designed to make her happy, not me).
She is intelligent enough to see that this is what she wanted. She will work to fix that.
That being said, 100% sure that when she became physically abusive - she will still say it is my fault. When she said that everything I ever thought was stupid, it is still my fault and she was not wrong for saying that. Even when she is following what I thought would make her happy to the T.

Does she want to be in a relationship with me again, think so. Does she regret how it ended, probably. Will she still treat me as though I am little more than a support structure to hold her up, without a doubt - at least after a year she will(if not much sooner).

Regret is a thing PwBPD feel and do not feel. They seem to be able to adjust to avoid further regret of the exact same type they have, but they also seem unable to accept why they made an adjustment and that keeps them from improving the underlying issue. Which can in many cases lead to even worse regret that is felt and not felt.

She has done things with her life in the last 6 years since we broke up, simply because I suggested it would make her happy. They are things that no longer make sense for her in her current life path. She is doing these things like a script. Asked why she use to call these things stupid. She will say, "You were acting stupid". It's a basic form of gaslighting. Even when you suggest the best thing for the PwBPD, you are still stupid.

11 years with the above PwBPD. Mother also diagnosed BPD.
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« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2021, 05:29:17 AM »

To Shellbent:
The situation you are in, seeing her at work and stuff. That must take a toll on you.

I can only give you my own advice, that works for me:
Meditate. Find your inner calmness. Your inner peace with yourself.
Go out in the free, sit down at a tree. Nature is your friend and will never ever let you down.
When you are feeling very lonely, and you think about her, have a list of how she did you wrong mentally. Look back, and write it down.
Read it when you feel down. 
Then put on some meditating mindfullness music, and just breath in and out.
Talk to your own soul witch has been badly damaged.
Cry if you must. Laugh about it all if you can.
Do not let your feelings take control of your intelligence.

And come back here with us. You are not alone.
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pest947
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« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2021, 02:06:04 PM »

No, not truly.

They may come back or act that way for a brief time but without serious work on themselves it is only temporary. They have no control over their emotions and inevitably they will paint you black again. Doesn't matter if you are on your "most perfect behavior" or read every article on how to interact with a person with BPD. In my experience they may come off as genuine, they may miss you, say the right things, see error in their judgment but like anything in an untreated BPD's life it is fleeting and will change again at the flip of a hat. I kept hoping when my ex came back that the person I fell in love with was finally back for good. Sadly, that person did not exist it was love bombing and mirroring. Once "The cat's out of the bag" they cannot keep the façade up for very long. It was a viscous circle, look up the many pots here on "recycling".

This is my takeaway from this experience. Realize that you feel in love with a version of yourself that she/he was mirroring back to you. It may seem insignificant but for many of us on this board not loving ourselves enough is what opened us up into falling into this trap in the first place.

You fell in love with all of the awesome qualities within yourself that your BPD partner brought out and emphasized in the idealization phase. Remember this, you are an awesome person worthy of love and a healthy relationship and the right healthy person is going to totally appreciate all of those qualities and the love you have to give.

You are that awesome person you thought you fell in love with that you believed for a time was your BPD ex.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2021, 02:16:02 PM by pest947 » Logged
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