What was your final straw?

[Bee Girl]

My final straw (still in progress) is a lot of little things. There were some horrific things said in the past three years and none of those episodes were the final straw, I think, because they were almost surreal in their Jeckyll and Hyde pivot that I succumbed to relief when he came back to his loving self and believed that things would get better.

Things did get better with lithium and his (limited) ownership of his issues. Once the roar of the bigger tantrums lessened, I realized how much I live moment to moment in avoiding triggering him, the narrowness of the things we can share, the lack of true intimacy and comfort.

A couple of relatively minor flare ups in the past week had me realize that it's never going to end. So the final straw seems to have been his rapid change to icy contempt, shaming and berating after a really nice day together, the kind of day that makes it hard to make a break, I think. I've been sensitized to usually see it coming, but I did not. I was "in his way" standing at the sink ready to do dishes while he was prepping vegetables for a stew. He was brutally rude, I objected, and he started in on me and I left the house. We're in a stalemate of the silent treatment on both sides. Mine is because I am working up nerve to ask him to leave. He is probably waiting for it to blow over, or for me to apologize (?) or for me to stop "punishing him" by sleeping in another room.

Of the many wild moments and terrible verbal abuse that I endured it's surprising that something minor feels like the final straw.

[christoff522]

Not exactly a final straw, but I lost a great deal of respect for my BPD when she got with the guy who was harassing her and throwing eggs at her house. I know this to be true because her ex (a friend) told me this and said he was there to see it.

I can't deal with all the drama of her life, so I keep a distance until I'm ready to jump back into the hornets nest.

[Danie14]

My final straw…?

As I sit and ponder this thought I can’t really say there’s been ONE final straw, there’ve been hundreds of final straws. I’ve said that to myself many-many times over the years “this is it” over lots of things…and then not done anything to make it final. I’ve gone thru a lot with him and have not stopped things. Have not ended things. I think that’s the draw-back thing, the push/pull…the R/S…seems like there’s always one final-final-final FINAL thing that’ll be the final straw…waiting….for the bolt of lightning from the heavens above to tell me THIS IS IT! Kinda stupid really.

Many people would have left probably the first time they got smacked or punched…the first time they were cheated on…the first time they were told they were stupid and their feelings didn’t matter…or any of the hundreds of other little things that I can’t even describe. I always thought I was one of those people but I come to find out I’m not. I’m one of the other ones who think…oh, it’s not so bad…it could be worse…the good outweighs the bad…he didn’t mean it…he’s going to change…etc, etc, etc…heck, I’m not stupid (really!) I know intellectually it’s not acceptable…I’ve counselled friends/family that their situations weren’t good and they should leave…and yet I didn’t…

I have health issues…unexplained pain all the time…it never goes away. I’ve been thru many tests and the dr’s don’t know what it is or why I have it…they tell me this or that, and try to put me on pills. I don’t want to take pills so I live with the pain. I make it a point to travel for work and I look forward to the times away. A day here or a day there. I realized that I don’t have that pain when I’m away but when I get back home the pain comes. Sometimes it hurts so bad it makes me cry…and I don’t cry easily…I paid attention to my body and realized that when he comes near me my body gets tense, the pain gets worse…and I don’t want to live like this anymore.