I saw that much of the fault was mine. I needed her. I needed someone to save. I needed someone to save so that I didn't have to save myself.
I can totally relate to this woofhound, and with the demise of my r/s I feel like the mask has been ripped off and I am totally exposed. I realise that I have numbed myself for my entire adult life with many protective defenses and now I am aware and exhausted. Time to heal old wounds and forgive ourselves for what we did to 'survive'.