Is it really selective memory or obsessional thinking?

[Peterpan]

Hi, I haven't been here for a while, mainly because I was close to breaking point and needed a rest. I was flitting between boards not really knowing where the hell I was in my head.

I'm 99 percent sure he has BPD possibly with other PDS.

I seemed to spend most of my time between heartache after his betrayal, and proving to him that he could trust ME not to betray HIM. I ended up being paranoid that he was still betraying me behind the scenes, yet tried my hardest to listen to him, trying  to trust him.

Things were very good between us for some time in all ways, my instincts felt good, and things improved to where I felt we were on the same wavelength. Then he became obsessional again, wanting that constant contact, he couldn't bear to be away from me. However, at the same time, once again he started forgetting things about me, and mentioning things which didn't relate to me at all.

I've read that BPDS can dissociate from reality, but I am finding that when we are together he, for the last few months, appears to be just going through the motions with me. He is mixing up dates and times a lot but one thing that is really getting to me... .He listens to my stories about events I've been to, memories from my childhood etc, then a few weeks later, tells me those exact stories only portraying them as his own memories, word for word... .but I know they are not HIS memories, it's like he has blanked out that it was me he heard it from!

I feel a little freaked out by it, it's like he is taking snippets of my life/identity etc.

Also he has repeated sentences to me which I know one of my acquaintances have quoted, and things which relate to the woman he betrayed me with, leaving me to believe he may still be in contact with her.

I have been a through these obsessional periods three or four times now, the first time he showed stalking tendencies... .but this later behaviour feels  even creepier.

Has anyone else had this happen?

Has he found my stories endearing and is using them to impress me, forgetting totally that they are MY stories?

Can pwBPD actually forget who told them in the first place, also the other way round, for my birthday this year he actually gave me the first and only gift ever. I showed him a photo of it recently asking if he remembered where he bought it, he couldn't even remember what he gave me it for, he can remember shopping for it, but not what for?

He claims to have me in his head constantly, but can't remember giving me the only thing he ever gave me or why ?

Do they have these stories going around in their heads constantly?

Is it a case of 'I actually believe this also happened to me'... .like living in a fantasy world?

Are their ideas of thinking of  someone constantly different to ours?

[waverider]

pwBPD lack a real sense of identity, and so they create a facade, they believe in this facade. Often it is a cut and paste job of other peoples thoughts, experiences and opinions. As they believe this facade they dont readily accept that they are copying the experiences from others, hence they forget the sources at times, and also it changes in the retelling.

You can hear several versions of the same story, each time being influenced by the mood of the moment. The same "facts" can be used to either validate something as good or bad, depending how they feel now.

To them the "story" is just a vehicle for expressing the feeling of now, almost like abstract art, realism is not the point. It is about the mood or emotion evoked. They want you to feel what they are feeling and so will use whatever words or stories that they believe will provoke you to feel the same way, almost like trying to trick you into empathy.

Maybe somehow subconsciously mirroring your own words feels like it might trigger this. They are using words and phrases you are likely to identify with, without realizing they were your actual words.

It is almost like they are using analogies to explain things, as we all do, but are passing them off as truths, as their ability to define the boundary between facts and fiction is somewhat blurred, or are at least of no great importance. The emotion is the message not the words.

[Infern0]

I call it parroting.

Often times my ex would use lines or phrases that I had used in the past,  I remember one particular time she almost word for word repeated a text that I had sent her earlier in the RS when I was upset at the way she was treating me. It was quite strange to read my own exact words turned back onto me.

[waverider]

The hardest thing is that if you didn't recognize it, it can be totally believable.

No one else would pick it as not their own work.

[Irish rebel]

I used to get it a lot with "opinion"... .

So like if I had paid particular attention to a new item or current affair, I'd find that the view I had expressed previously became almost like "our" position on a particular event... .

Not that I wasn't with someone who wasn't intelligent, but more almost like she just hadn't had time amidst her own internal chaos to consider too many external events that weren't of direct relevance... .

[waverider]

I used to get it a lot with "opinion"... .

So like if I had paid particular attention to a new item or current affair, I'd find that the view I had expressed previously became almost like "our" position on a particular event... .

Not that I wasn't with someone who wasn't intelligent, but more almost like she just hadn't had time amidst her own internal chaos to consider too many external events that weren't of direct relevance... .

This closely linked with sharing the rewards for you efforts. eg "We did this... ." when in reality it had no input from them. Part of wanting to be approved/liked/sound good.>>Turning up for "pay day"

[Peterpan]

Thank you for the replies it kind of makes sense. What worries me though is that he had also been with me talking face to face, and actually repeated sentences to me which I know for certain  were said to him by the other woman (as though he was thinking back to times he was with her, even imagining that he was and was conversing with her not me)

it really hurt when it happened, not least to say he was not supposed to have any contact with her, but because I kind of felt that he was oblivious to which one of us he was talking to at the time... .as though he had morphed us both into one? Present with me but thinking out loud about her, Dissociation perhaps? He was supposed to be proving to me at the time that she was no longer in his life? I was never sure if it was because the conflict between us all had been tensely traumatic for him, therefore saw the three of us as a whole unit, or if he did it consciously to push my buttons.

Needless to say it was very difficult for me to believe it was over with her, and it still plays a part in my own constant battles of suspicion every time we get close and he retreats.

[waverider]

I think he may take your words, and hers, then own them for himself in his own mind. Hence this disassociates them from their origins. He believes the reapplication of these words are in fact his own words. Self deluding rather than deliberate manipulation