Weird behaviour: showing up at places I am and silent treatment the same time

[misty_red]

As I was reading through some threads and looking for answers I noticed that one particular behaviour often occurs in BPDs.

I don’t know exactly what this is about, so maybe someone knows? I of course know there is not ONE truth and that people are different. I just want to try to understand.

My exBPDgf discarded me some months ago, told me to leave her alone finally. Yet she is the one showing up at places where she exactly knows for 100 % that I’ll be there. Thing is: when she’s around she makes sure to let me feel how she ignores me. I’m still getting the silent treatment even though she shows up. I don’t get it. I just don’t understand. I did not discard her, she was the one discarding, was the one telling me to let go and stuff. So yeah, I don’t get it. Is it about punishment, control? Or somthing else? Is she just being a coward? Does she want me to show what I can’t have anymore (her) [I don’t want to have her anymore anyway]?

The problem here is that I don’t know how to prevent her showing up. I mean I can’t. But I also can’t stay away from the places. I have no choice but she has. She doesn’t have to be there, but I have.

This is driving me mad and angry actually. I never thought I’d come to the point where I just wanted her to ___ off and leave but now I’m just glad whenever she doesn’t show up. I’m not showing her any reaction/emotion, I don’t even look at her. But I’m not doing it obviously as she is doing it. I just won’t go near her, yet she comes to a group of people (with me in it), says goodbye to everyone except me. This is stupid.

In some weird way I feel stalked. Yet it really isn’t stalking because she ignores me when showing up. What the heck.

I noticed that this behaviour often occurs with BPDs. But why? What is going on?

[enlighten me]

My opinion on it is that she wants to know your still interested.  She wants you to want her even though she doesnt want you.

just my take on it. My exgf does similar by telling my tenants how wonderful things are knowing that my tenants are in contact with me.

[hope2727]

Mine posts on a mutual friends Facebook all kinds of super happy photos with the replacement.

He used to show up on campus where he knew id walk by. They are children. They want what they can't have. And they want us to think reuniting is our idea not theirs.

I miss mine but i am an adult and if he wants to talk to me he can grab some nerve and act like a civil adult too.

[misty_red]

You know, I work with children, and yes, their behaviour in some ways seem very similar... .Thank god children still are able to develop a sense of self and to get over this stage of personality.

And they want us to think reuniting is our idea not theirs.

I miss mine but i am an adult and if he wants to talk to me he can grab some nerve and act like a civil adult too.

Maybe they do it because they are afraid if they try to reunite with us we won't do it and abandon them. And when we are the ones reuniting it justifies in someway their bad behaviour or makes it not bad anymore because we choose to go another round. Anyway, I won't go another round. I was very clear with that. As long as she "just" shows up and leaves me alone besides that I'll get along.

[whythisgirl]

My exBPDgf discarded me some months ago, told me to leave her alone finally. Yet she is the one showing up at places where she exactly knows for 100 % that I’ll be there.

Same with me. My exBPDbf has showed up at my church knowing that I would be there. He isn't even the same denomination as me. He also has a friend (I think they are old co workers but not that close) that leave in my neighborhood but he tends to visit him very often. Keeps me paranoid because I don't know if he is driving by stalking me or if I will bump into him. Like you he discarded me 2 weeks ago so I don't get it.

[misty_red]

I guess there might be more possible reasons than one. It could be some sort of punishment like in saying "See what you can't have anymore/right now." When we were still together there were cycles of silent treatment and whenever I got the silent treatment she did the exact same thing she does now - showing up and rubbing me in the face that she's ignoring me. I was always the one coming around and initiating the contact. This time I won't.

Maybe it also is about control. Even though they don't want to have us anymore they still want to feel that we want them. It gives them some validation I guess. They still want to control what we feel and they don't like it if they don't know (when we are moving on).

It's so weird. Just right after I came back from vacation with my new love interest she showed up (she know's about the new love interest, I didn't tell her but we used to be in the same sport's team and word has spread). Sometimes I really feel like she wants to proof a point. I don't have romantical feelings for her anymore. Really not. Otherwise I wouldn't have a new love interest. This is so weird. All of it. Still she pisses me off. She needs to find someone new - and although I don't wish anyone anything bad but I finally want to be left alone... .