sick feeling in my stomach... and then she texts

[Infern0]

I'm not making this up.

So this has happened a few times now. I got home from work,  felt fine all day,  had a good day and then suddenly I feel really Ill,  and  then boom text message comes in. She's disregulating,  confused mess of a message,  what's going on. ... please help etc.

I don't know what I'm going to do. 

Anyone else have this,  it's like my body knows when she's going to text,  out of the blue.  I wish I could explain it better.

[Blimblam]

I know exactly what you mean.

I felt it when i was in the relationship after it ended before I found out about the forum.  I just did not trust it becuase it seemed far out to have a "psychic" connection like this and the people I told laughed at me.

I'm sorry man it seems other than this you have been holding up a lot better though and making a lot of progress.

[goldylamont]

wow Inferno, sorry to hear you are going through this. it's not uncommon to have a physical reaction to thoughts about your ex. i had this, i think it was anxiety? for me sometimes i would feel so overloaded that i would physically shake. and i was embarrassed about this, that she had this affect on me. but then, months later i spoke to her roommate who has having tons of issues with my ex, and she was physically shaking as well. she told me that she felt sick whenever she would get a text from my ex or just see her name at all, even on a piece of mail.

several months after this, even yet another friend of my ex approached me, confused and asking about my ex's behavior. guess what--she was physically shaking as well! i never thought my ex could do that to female friends of hers as well but i saw it twice.

i know this isn't quite the same as your situation as you are having premonitions with your physical ailment but i hope you it helps to see that not just i, but several other friends of my exes have been so abused emotionally that it manifests itself physically.

i think it's important to listen to this sick feeling. what is it trying to tell you? like when you feel sick to your stomach from drinking too much alcohol, what is your body telling you then? in the same way you can ask your body (you *can* ask) and it will tell you why you feel ill all of the sudden. i can dig up some lessons on doing this if you are interested.

your gut houses the enteric nervous system. check this out (from wikipedia, emphasis mine):

The enteric nervous system has been described as a "second brain" for several reasons. The enteric nervous system can operate autonomously. It normally communicates with the central nervous system (CNS) through the parasympathetic (e.g., via the vagus nerve) and sympathetic (e.g., via the prevertebral ganglia) nervous systems... .

The enteric nervous system also makes use of more than 30 neurotransmitters, most of which are identical to the ones found in CNS, such as acetylcholine, dopamine, and serotonin. More than 90% of the body's serotonin lies in the gut, as well as about 50% of the body's dopamine, which is currently being studied to further our understanding of its utility in the brain.

how do you think this can relate to the way you are feeling?

[Infern0]

It's an odd sensation,  I can't quite put my finger on it.

Basically I have to lie down,  I get a feeling of nausea and then rapid heartbeat.  The first time it happened I thought it may have been from too much caffeine and so I stopped drinking the energy drinks.

But it has happened on three occasions and every time I have gotten a text message from her about 5 minutes after it passes.  It got to it today I was lying there thinking the phone is going to go any minute,  and sure enough.

Also when in the RS she used to call me at night when she had her night terrors.  Used to happen at all different times and I started to wake up just before she would call. I'd literally just snap awake and be completely adrenalised,  ready for action.

I never used to believe in this kind of thing but what with this and also her texting me a lyric from a song that I had just listened to, when there was just no way she could have possibly known I'd listened to it,  something is definitely "up"

[freedom33]

I experienced the same with her Inferno. Even whilst with her e.g. during her push ---> pull cycle I noticed how I 'd receive a message from her when I started having some physical complaint e.g. some form of anxiety, gut upset etc. Our bodies become so well adjusted to their constant cycle of dysregulation that we are practically enmeshed in their pathology and this manifests in bodily symptoms.  At times I have felt as if I was possessed by her and that she had literally infiltrated my being.

If you are a late sleeper but keep waking up at 6.30a.m for years then your internal clock wakes you up at that time even if you want to sleep late one day - your body is used to their pattern. The push and pull dynamics and pattern builds while with them and stays with us even after they are gone. Our bodies gets used to it through reinforcement and punishment and dopamine and other powerful neurotransmitters are involved in this. We are trained to respond to their pathology for years.

So to turn this around and attempt an explanation - we still mirror their process, literally having being conditioned over time, hence it is quite likely that when your body is having some sort of symptom she is also heavily dysregulating and that is the most likely time to reach out. Your body will eventually adjust to its own rhythm.

So there is nothing magical about this although at the beginning when I noticed this I saw it as being so connected with her, being my soulmate and all that crap. Then I sobered up.

[Blimblam]

Trust it

Your gut is telling you something. I didn't believe In that kind of stuff either before this.

It's proven correct on multiple occasions now.

Just trust it.

The gut the heart and third eye are linked.

[camuse]

I'm a cynic, but I do think maybe there are things we don't understand.

I remember doing well for a few weeks, then waking with an awful sense of dread. A few hours later, I heard the name of the replacement. Coincidence? Maybe? But this sort of thing does happen a lot.

Have a read up on "emotional intelligence."

[Blimblam]

There was another thread a while back on this sort of thing and many members reported similiar experiences.

Here's a link to the concept of synchronicity from the jungian perspective

www.youtu.be/BX_nMwYa-nw

[Aussie0zborn]

You explained it perfectly well.  I know how to stop this feeling... .  It's called "blocking her on your phone".

You don't deserve this. Why haven't you blocked her already ?

[AlwaysForgiving]

Yes! I feel this too!

After not hearing from her for several weeks, I can "feel it in the air" when she is about to call me... .like my "spidey sense" is going off. In fact this last time, I had a horrible dream about her (and I haven't had a dream about her in a LONG time) and she called out of the blue that day.

Another example... .earlier this summer, it had been over 2 months since I've heard from her. I glanced at the clock and for some reason, I thought "She's getting off work right about now... ." BOOM! My phone rings... .it's her.

I've always felt like I had a psychic link with her (again, I really don't believe in these things) and when I talk to my therapist these odd coincidences I share with my exBPD, she even acts surprised by it. I asked my therapist if she believes connections like that are possible and she compared it to how sometimes twins will be so in tune with each other and share a connection like that.

Lately, I've been beginning to question if when I am feeling really sad or have a lot of anxiety on a certain day, it's because she's feeling the same thing that day too. I know, it's weird... .

It's fascinating... .and a little scary... .

[Mr Hollande]

I used to sense when a text message was coming from mine when we were together. It wasn't always connected to feelings of impending doom, it was more that it felt like a telepathic bond between us. That bond isn't there anymore and that's a good thing.

[Bak86]

When we broke up i went 2 weeks NC(i didn't know about BPD back then), wanted to write a text to see how she was doing, and BAM she's the one who texted me! I thought that was scary.

[rickdeckard]

Im so sorry this is happening to you. It was one of my fears after the end (if it has really ended... .). We had a bizarre connection, answering questions the other person was thinking. Starting texts at the same time. "I wish she would call me... ." and she would.

I actually do believe in such things and did before. And, given her interest in magick there is no telling what she may have done on her end.

Im not a regular practitioner but I performed a cutting the cord ceremony. I havent gotten any more of those feelings so maybe it worked. At the least it made me feel better. Now if I could completely stop thinking about her... .and cigarettes .

Oh, and phone blocking would be a really good idea if its possible. That will definitely sever at least one connection.

[shellbent]

I mostly only felt this weird link between us after the bu. From that point forward, she stopped contacting me all together. And when I was at work it was like I could feel a force of hatred or negativity towards me.

Still I tend to believe that this was her mirroring me rather than me picking up her habits. Once she detached she started mirroring others and I don't feel that connection anymore.

How come my ex will not contact me at all, I mean everyone here is saying that she keeps texting you and calling. Mine won't answer her phone and never texts me. She has no interest in hearing about my life. I on the other hand always ask her how she is feeling. I don't know it hurts as hell.

[.cup.car]

Five years in a row, my pwBPD has a habit of trying to start things up between us during the first week of July, then by early August she's starting to dissociate, and then it all goes to hell.

[rickdeckard]

I mostly only felt this weird link between us after the bu. From that point forward, she stopped contacting me all together. And when I was at work it was like I could feel a force of hatred or negativity towards me.

Still I tend to believe that this was her mirroring me rather than me picking up her habits. Once she detached she started mirroring others and I don't feel that connection anymore.

How come my ex will not contact me at all, I mean everyone here is saying that she keeps texting you and calling. Mine won't answer her phone and never texts me. She has no interest in hearing about my life. I on the other hand always ask her how she is feeling. I don't know it hurts as hell.

I went NC because I do not want her contacting me. And told her that. I needed (need?) time to work in my own stuff.

NC means it. That means don't send messages. And dont respond to them if you get them.

Are you still reaching out to the ex saying these things above? Trying to connect? No longer initiating contact causes either a) the ex contacts you or  b) they continue to ignore you.

The how come is related to both. Either the ex wants nothing more to do with you or isnt initiating/responding because you are still communicating at her/him.

Either way you are being manipulated (by yourself) by the silence. Let go.

P.S., dont be jelly about those of us that are getting contacted. Many dont want it.

[freedomtofeel]

I'm not making this up.

So this has happened a few times now. I got home from work,  felt fine all day,  had a good day and then suddenly I feel really Ill,  and  then boom text message comes in. She's disregulating,  confused mess of a message,  what's going on. ... please help etc.

I don't know what I'm going to do. 

Anyone else have this,  it's like my body knows when she's going to text,  out of the blue.  I wish I could explain it better.

[Blimblam]

I mostly only felt this weird link between us after the bu. From that point forward, she stopped contacting me all together. And when I was at work it was like I could feel a force of hatred or negativity towards me.

Still I tend to believe that this was her mirroring me rather than me picking up her habits. Once she detached she started mirroring others and I don't feel that connection anymore.

How come my ex will not contact me at all, I mean everyone here is saying that she keeps texting you and calling. Mine won't answer her phone and never texts me. She has no interest in hearing about my life. I on the other hand always ask her how she is feeling. I don't know it hurts as hell.

I went NC because I do not want her contacting me. And told her that. I needed (need?) time to work in my own stuff.

NC means it. That means don't send messages. And dont respond to them if you get them.

Are you still reaching out to the ex saying these things above? Trying to connect? No longer initiating contact causes either a) the ex contacts you or  b) they continue to ignore you.

The how come is related to both. Either the ex wants nothing more to do with you or isnt initiating/responding because you are still communicating at her/him.

Either way you are being manipulated (by yourself) by the silence. Let go.

P.S., dont be jelly about those of us that are getting contacted. Many dont want it.

If one feels jealous I think it is ok to feel that but to seperate that emotion from the emotion of shame. The underlying shame is at the root of the dysfunction. Processing the shame is a painful experience but a practice that I believe will set us free.

[freedomtofeel]

How would you explain that the person I am involved with has never experienced a sick feeling? Is this a trait in people with BPD.  Are they not capable of this gut feeling.   He also displays little remorse.  :)uring initial confrontation he is extremely defensive and turns things around on me.  It isn't until a few days later that he processes things and tel me what I want to hear.  I suspect his first reaction is what is real and the words that he says to me days later are lies that he comes up with.    

[Waifed]

Yes! I feel this too!

After not hearing from her for several weeks, I can "feel it in the air" when she is about to call me... .like my "spidey sense" is going off. In fact this last time, I had a horrible dream about her (and I haven't had a dream about her in a LONG time) and she called out of the blue that day.

Another example... .earlier this summer, it had been over 2 months since I've heard from her. I glanced at the clock and for some reason, I thought "She's getting off work right about now... ." BOOM! My phone rings... .it's her.

I've always felt like I had a psychic link with her (again, I really don't believe in these things) and when I talk to my therapist these odd coincidences I share with my exBPD, she even acts surprised by it. I asked my therapist if she believes connections like that are possible and she compared it to how sometimes twins will be so in tune with each other and share a connection like that.

Lately, I've been beginning to question if when I am feeling really sad or have a lot of anxiety on a certain day, it's because she's feeling the same thing that day too. I know, it's weird... .

It's fascinating... .and a little scary... .

I sensed it too. Strange. I also sensed when we were finished communicating altogether. It was probably due to the push pull we had lived for so long. It becomes pretty routine.

[rickdeckard]

How would you explain that the person I am involved with has never experienced a sick feeling? Is this a trait in people with BPD.  Are they not capable of this gut feeling.   He also displays little remorse.  :)uring initial confrontation he is extremely defensive and turns things around on me.  It isn't until a few days later that he processes things and tel me what I want to hear.  I suspect his first reaction is what is real and the words that he says to me days later are lies that he comes up with.    

Some  behaviours are common but no two people are the same. I am obviously no mental health care expert. But what your ex is presenting sounds more like psychopathy or AsPD. Defensive at first to buy time. Then tells you what you want to hear.

Manipulation.

and no remorse also fits into that.

There is a possibility that this person is quite simply a manipulative, coniving a*hole.

But i guess he is an a*hole either way. Disordered or not. I dont need people like that in my life. And you don't either.

[myself]

I think many of us did become 'one' with them, in our ways.

Funny, I get the "feeling" my ex is with someone else now, telling lies, exaggerating herself. Running instead of dealing with it. Maybe even having wonderful moments any one of us would love to have. The BPD connection is deeply flawed but real enough that of course it exists. Remains. Persists.

It's said we only use so much of our brain, but during times of such intensity as committed love, loss, and detachment, we're probably open that much more. Perhaps tuned in but turned off. Finding we're the one, ourselves.

[hurting300]

I had gut feelings all day long one day. I get home my neighbor tells me she came by. Your gut is normally never wrong 

[Fluff]

I don't know how many times a week I have the gut feeling, but then nothing happens! Why won't anything happen? 

[Blimblam]

They showed us a part of ourselves them left. We are left to decipher reality from truth and our false self from our true selves. Our false selves became their prison as it is our own prison. The true self is one and through this connection to our true self through our exs we feel the connection to her.

"Luke I am your father"- darth vador

She was trying to show you something, for "those that have eyes that see and ears that hear."

[hope2727]

Does anyone get the feeling that when they are happy their pwBPD is upset and vice versa?

I totally get the psychic connection thing despite being a science person myself. But I have these moments when I can just FEEL him hurting. When we were together I would call and say whats wrong and he would burst into tears. It was uncanny. Now when I am feeling happy or strong I get the sense he is suffering and when I have an overwhelmingly sad day I get the feeling he is happy. I noticed in counselling before he left that if I was feeling positive about what we had done in counselling he would feel really down. I mentioned it to the counsellor and she said she wasn't surprised. Mine you she was a terrible counsellor. Told me she didn't believe in boundaries. ?

Anyone else have this experience of opposite emotions between you?

[Fluff]

I'd say it's fantasy. More of our fantasy making. Just like this whole thing was our fantasy. That's been our problem from the beginning hasn't it?

[Bak86]

Does anyone get the feeling that when they are happy their pwBPD is upset and vice versa?

I totally get the psychic connection thing despite being a science person myself. But I have these moments when I can just FEEL him hurting. When we were together I would call and say whats wrong and he would burst into tears. It was uncanny. Now when I am feeling happy or strong I get the sense he is suffering and when I have an overwhelmingly sad day I get the feeling he is happy. I noticed in counselling before he left that if I was feeling positive about what we had done in counselling he would feel really down. I mentioned it to the counsellor and she said she wasn't surprised. Mine you she was a terrible counsellor. Told me she didn't believe in boundaries. ?

Anyone else have this experience of opposite emotions between you?

Absolutely! I work with my ex. Whenever i'm happy and cheerful, she becomes quiet and depressed. Whenever i become quiet she will live up.

[freedom33]

Does anyone get the feeling that when they are happy their pwBPD is upset and vice versa?

I totally get the psychic connection thing despite being a science person myself. But I have these moments when I can just FEEL him hurting. When we were together I would call and say whats wrong and he would burst into tears. It was uncanny. Now when I am feeling happy or strong I get the sense he is suffering and when I have an overwhelmingly sad day I get the feeling he is happy. I noticed in counselling before he left that if I was feeling positive about what we had done in counselling he would feel really down. I mentioned it to the counsellor and she said she wasn't surprised. Mine you she was a terrible counsellor. Told me she didn't believe in boundaries. ?

Anyone else have this experience of opposite emotions between you?

Absolutely! I work with my ex. Whenever i'm happy and cheerful, she becomes quiet and depressed. Whenever i become quiet she will live up.

That was THE pattern with us. I noticed it very early in the relationship that when I was down she 'd feel happy and when I was happy she 'd be dysregulating. When I was happy but she was not in control of my happiness that made her feel insecure. If I found satisfaction or enjoyment on anything else aside her or something that she was not in control that became a threat in her mind. She needed complete domination and control of her attachment object (i.e. me) to feel safe that she was not going to be abandoned. Very challenging. I am 9 weeks NC. I have never felt so good for a year and a half. Life is great again! Stay NC guys - it really does get better!