My dwBPD is going to be in town in two weeks

[Parents! Get help here!]

My dwBPD24 is going to be coming back in two weeks for a visit.  She has not made it clear if she thinks she is staying with me or her mother in law.  Lately, she has found a new support system with them because she has basically burned her bridges with my entire family.  She tells them all sort of lies and stuff about us to justify it so we can't all get together with them, she makes sure of it. 

Anyways, I had asked her if we could have our family thanksgiving on Nov 9th while she was here, and she said yes.  Then she found out that I am seeing her daughter (my granddaughter) while she is away (she gave up custody to move out of state) and she got so mad that she said that she is not coming and not bringing my grand daughter.  So the rest of my family decided that we wanted to still do it.   

The thing is... the next day my daughter was calling me and asking me for my chilli recipe just like nothing ever happened.  So I am also not sure if she plans to come or not!  No apology or anything.  No reference like the fight ever happened.  She was being ridiculously selfish and cruel, so she won't even acknowledge it. 

So, I am feeling so much dread and fear over this visit.  I have been so happy and at peace since she left and I have had so many good times with my grand daughter without her interference.  The Grand Daughter has been her main manipulation tool with me and I am constantly under threat of being cut off.  My Grand daughters dad is always happy to have me take her places. 

I also feel like such a horrible mom because I should be feeling excited to see my daughter.

[tinkerbellsmom]

My dwBPD24 is going to be coming back in two weeks for a visit.  She has not made it clear if she thinks she is staying with me or her mother in law.  Lately, she has found a new support system with them because she has basically burned her bridges with my entire family.  She tells them all sort of lies and stuff about us to justify it so we can't all get together with them, she makes sure of it. 

Anyways, I had asked her if we could have our family thanksgiving on Nov 9th while she was here, and she said yes.  Then she found out that I am seeing her daughter (my granddaughter) while she is away (she gave up custody to move out of state) and she got so mad that she said that she is not coming and not bringing my grand daughter.  So the rest of my family decided that we wanted to still do it.   

The thing is... the next day my daughter was calling me and asking me for my chilli recipe just like nothing ever happened.  So I am also not sure if she plans to come or not!  No apology or anything.  No reference like the fight ever happened.  She was being ridiculously selfish and cruel, so she won't even acknowledge it. 

So, I am feeling so much dread and fear over this visit.  I have been so happy and at peace since she left and I have had so many good times with my grand daughter without her interference.  The Grand Daughter has been her main manipulation tool with me and I am constantly under threat of being cut off.  My Grand daughters dad is always happy to have me take her places. 

I also feel like such a horrible mom because I should be feeling excited to see my daughter.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[chooselove]

When my daughter has a huge blow up with me and follows up with a benign conversation the next day as if the fight had never happened, it always impresses me as her doing the best she can to apologize without apologizing.  It's always been an indication that she wants to move on and erase the previous exchange and it was the best she could do because she could not bear to apologize or see herself as wrong.  Could that be what is happening with your daughter, too?  I hope so. 

[clydegriffith]

My dwBPD24 is going to be coming back in two weeks for a visit.  She has not made it clear if she thinks she is staying with me or her mother in law.  Lately, she has found a new support system with them because she has basically burned her bridges with my entire family.  She tells them all sort of lies and stuff about us to justify it so we can't all get together with them, she makes sure of it. 

Anyways, I had asked her if we could have our family thanksgiving on Nov 9th while she was here, and she said yes.  Then she found out that I am seeing her daughter (my granddaughter) while she is away (she gave up custody to move out of state) and she got so mad that she said that she is not coming and not bringing my grand daughter.  So the rest of my family decided that we wanted to still do it.   



The thing is... the next day my daughter was calling me and asking me for my chilli recipe just like nothing ever happened.  So I am also not sure if she plans to come or not!  No apology or anything.  No reference like the fight ever happened.  She was being ridiculously selfish and cruel, so she won't even acknowledge it. 

So, I am feeling so much dread and fear over this visit.  I have been so happy and at peace since she left and I have had so many good times with my grand daughter without her interference.  The Grand Daughter has been her main manipulation tool with me and I am constantly under threat of being cut off.  My Grand daughters dad is always happy to have me take her places. 

I also feel like such a horrible mom because I should be feeling excited to see my daughter.

This is all too common. My daughter's mother has BPD and she burns bridges wherever she goes. It's a cycle of sucking as much as possible out of each replacement boyfriend then moving on to the next one. With 4 kids by 3 different guy sin tow i might add. She too also does crazy things then acts like nothing happened. Also, like in your situation, she uses the kids to manipulate her mother and constantly threatening to cut them off. It's got to the point where she's burned all bridges except the ones she has with people that don't know her all that well. Usually her latest guy and his family.

[pessim-optimist]

Your feelings of dread are completely understandable... .

If your daughter was healthy, you would be excited about this visit. With so many possibilities for trouble, the negative feelings and stress are understandably stronger that any possible excitement.

Please don't beat yourself up over this. 

To keep things in perspective: it will be a two week visit, and then life will go back to normal.

Are you worried about any more drama over your granddaughter during the visit?

Are you also still stressed out about where she is planning to stay?